Dark Matters 2: Whispers of Darkness
by dantsolo
Summary: One and a half years after the tragic events of Dark Matters and things are precarious: Princess Leia is a powerful Jedi Knight with Han dedicated to fighting alongside the woman he loves; Luke struggles with his inner demons after his time with the Dark Side; the Rebels suffered a great loss at the Battle of Endor and the second Death Star continues to threaten the galaxy...
1. Chapter 1: Incongruous

I' back with my new story! Thank you to all who decide to read :)

This sequel to Dark Matters can be read as a stand alone story but will have more meaning if you have read the first story. Although there is a large element of action, the Force, and the fate of the galaxy, the main focus is, of course, Han and Leia. After the events of Dark Matters, they are closer than ever and very much in love.

Hope you enjoy :)

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 _Life is like a big merry-go-round,_  
 _You're up and then down,_  
 _Going in circles trying to get to where you are._

-Conqueror by Estelle and Jussie Smollett

###

Dark Matters 2:

Whispers of Darkness

By Dant Solo

In the dank darkness of night, the bowels of Coruscant were not a safe place to roam. Within these lower levels that never saw the light of day, there was a pervasive aroma of rot and decay, an atmosphere that screamed of vile debauchery and betrayal. Not many who wandered here were of good faith and most beings kept to the upper echelons, the ones that were veritably safe and clean and did not strike terror into the hearts of the average citizen.

His hand remained on the blaster sheathed low on his thigh, ready to flash it into his hand in an instant quicker than an opponent might expect. Even if his draw were not as fast as he was known for, the powerful woman at his side would instill enough confidence in him.

Han Solo's eyes slid aside to glance down at the Jedi Princess who had captured his heart so effortlessly. Hair plaited in one long, thick braid draped down her back, she did not appear so formidable. But, Han knew well what she could do to an opponent with a mere raise of her hand. Beneath the brown, hooded cloak, her white tunic and tan pants were simple enough not to betray her identity. The lightsaber hanging at her side was just obscured by her cloak. At times, he was simply in awe of her.

Her gaze rounded on his with a flicker of a smile, as if she were aware of his current thoughts. She so often sensed his feelings. It had unnerved him at first, making him defensive and angry. Now, he had grown to accept it, almost enjoying the intimacy they shared without words.

Her attention shifted back into place and it was business as usual.

An alley to the left intersected the gritty street and Leia paused mid-stride, drawing Han to a halt. His head spun curiously to find her chin tilted at an inquisitive angle, eyes narrowed, mouth pinched. Abruptly, she spun on a heel and strode determinedly into the mouth of the alley.

Having learned there was no need to question Leia's intuition, Han simply followed silently. He heard indecipherable noise up ahead and, with a snap and a hiss, Leia's brilliant, blue lightsaber was hefted, illuminating the scene before them.

A young, blue-skinned Twi'lek female shuddered in the right hand corner, skirt torn and hanging askew. Her eyes held stark terror, mouth twisted. An older, grubby human male had one hand clamped around her throat and his other hand shoved inside her shirt. He was blinking at the brightness of Leia's blade, eyes squinted.

Without a sound, Leia's hand rose, clenched almost into a fist. She was trembling with rage and, alarmed, Han moved forward to see her face. She was pale, shaking, eyes fierce and intent, barely seeing.

"Leia," he called harshly.

She didn't acknowledge him and he placed a hand on her shoulder, felt the tremors raging through her. Behind him, he heard a guttural groan and a sharp intake of breath. Peripherally, he was aware of the man rising to dangle in the air, rasping for breath.

"Leia!" She shouldn't do this. Han had no issue with this scum being killed, might even enjoy the pleasure of doing it himself. But, for Leia to murder him in cold blood…he knew it would drive her towards the dark side. He didn't pretend to understand it. But, he knew it could destroy her.

"Leia! You can't do this!"

He watched her lips contort to a mixture of fury and grief and he couldn't even tell if she was hearing him. Cupping her quaking chin in his hand, he stepped closer and spoke with swift vehemence. "Put him down, Leia. I know he's human garbage, but don't do this to yourself!"

For a moment, her eyes dwindled even more harshly and her trembling seemed to increase to a furious pace. With a huge, sighing grunt of frustration and rage, she dropped her hand violently and the would-be rapist crashed to the ground in a gasping, choking heap.

Han's breath released and his heart rate dropped to a more normal rhythm. Leia lowered her lightsaber but rage still radiated from her small form. The anguish and agony in her expression gashed hard at his heart. He turned away from her with a heavy heart, went to the sniveling mess of a man and gave him a hard, sharp kick to the ribs. His grunt of pain gave Han great satisfaction.

Cowering in the corner in her torn clothing, the Twi'lek eyed Han fearfully. He gave her a pointed look. "Get outta here," he said, with a cant of his head. "And be careful!"

She nodded quickly, mumbled something in her language, and scampered off.

As Han turned back to Leia, he was aware of the man skulking in the shadows and stumbling hastily from the alley. Returning to Leia's side, he took her face in both hands and tipped her gaze to his. She looked angry, scared, and shocked all at once. A hint of confusion underlie all else.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, seemingly without true comprehension and closed her eyes. Han's hand fell to his side and he watched her as she took several long, deep breaths, centering herself. When she opened them again, her gaze was steadier, calmer. She looked at Han, jaw still taut, eyes both sheepish and apologetic.

"I'm sorry."

Han was shaken, but tried to brush it off. "It's okay," he said gently. Inside, he remained unsettled. "C'mon." He beckoned her with a toss of his head and they resumed walking towards their destination.

He tried to shift his thoughts to the mission objective but found it impossible. He had thought Leia fully recovered from the torture and sexual assault she had experienced at the hands of the Empire. Perhaps he had been wrong to assume that.

Replacing his hand on the butt of his blaster, he kept an eye on their surroundings, on high alert yet appearing bored and unconcerned. Truthfully, the incident in the alley had only upped his anxiety.

A small wastail scurried past them, emitting tiny shrieks as it burrowed inside a pile of refuse. An Ishi Tib, seated on the filthy ground and dressed in rags, grumbled in his language, begging for credits. They continued, unmolested.

The streets became more populated as they approached the downtown area and Han and Leia were the only humans as far as the eye could see.

He could feel the caution and tension in Leia, the way she waited, ready to spring in an instant. It radiated from her, almost palpable.

Up ahead, Han saw a group of beings, standing in a cluster, pointing and murmuring amongst themselves. His senses heightened further and, as they drew closer, he realized they were flocked around the door to The Dim Dewback, the cantina where they were to meet their contact. He glanced at Leia and saw his concern mirrored in her eyes.

Casually, they drifted to the back of the crowd. From what Han could decipher of the multiple languages being thrown about, someone inside The Dim had been murdered. His eyes trailed the crowd to the entrance, where two Weequays stood guard, weapons at the ready.

In a voice of bored curiosity, Han turned to the Pantoran female on his right. She appeared to be the least dangerous in the crowd.

"What happened?"

Her large eyes barely spared him a glance. "Dead human."

"How'd he end up dead in there?"

She turned to him then, appraising him. "You must be new around here." The corner of her lip curled up in a teasing snarl. "Else you'd know better than to ask that question."

Her eyes skimmed him up and down, and Han couldn't help but notice that she was young and attractive. Her yellow eyes contrasted nicely with her pale, blue skin. Her red hair was arranged much like Leia's, but pulled back a bit hastily, leaving random strands falling over her eyes.

He smiled. "I like to take risks."

Now, she smiled back invitingly. "Really? You're taking one right now. Perhaps I murdered that human in there."

"I'd think you'd be long gone by now if that were the case."

"Too predictable." She raised an eyebrow and flashed a coy grin. "Maybe when they clear out the body and let us back inside you could buy me a drink."

Before Han could muster an appropriate response, Leia was on his arm, tugging him through the crowd.

A glance showed her jaw was set. "Hey, I was trying to get some information," he protested.

She stopped walking and glared at him. "I think you were enjoying that a bit too much." Then she was firmly pushing them to the front of the horde and suddenly they were face-to-face with the Weequay guards.

Their long-handled axes came up to cross between them, effectively blocking the entrance.

"No one gets in!" the guard on the left growled in accented Basic.

In a calm, persuasive voice, Leia spoke quietly. "You will let us pass."

A short pause and the guard stood up a bit straighter. "I will let you pass." Both guards withdrew their weapons and stepped aside.

As they moved past them, Han couldn't help but marvel at that little trick. No matter how many times he saw Leia do it, it never ceased to amaze him.

It was silent inside and, on the floor by the bar, lying in a heap was a human male. Nearby, a male Besalisk stood conferring with a short, furry creature of a species Han did not recognize. The shorter of the two spotted them and began to chatter in a high pitched squeak. The Besalisk turned to them.

"Are you here for the body?" he asked in a gravelly voice.

Leia didn't miss a beat. "Yes. We must examine it first."

"By all means." He took a step back and gestured towards the body. He clearly wanted this to be over with.

"We need to examine the body in private." Her voice was stern.

"As you wish." He turned and left the room through a door in the back, small companion chittering loudly as he followed.

As Leia moved to bend over the body, Han wound his way behind the bar.

"What are you doing?" she hissed.

Han shrugged and grabbed a glass that hung from a shelf above his head. "Might as well get a free drink out of this."

Leia sighed and shook her head as Han grabbed the most expensive Brandy, poured a modest amount then threw it back. He made his way back to Leia and crouched alongside her.

"This is our contact," she said gravely.

He was a human male with short brown hair and dressed in non-descript clothing. Han wouldn't have pegged him as an Imperial, but, then again, that was the point.

"What do you make of that?" Leia pointed to the silver, star-shaped disk that protruded from his jugular, from which blood had spewed and was beginning to dry.

Surprise raised his brow. The small red and black skull-like markings were very familiar. "Mandalorian Death Watch Star," he said curiously. "Why would a Mandalorian Death Watcher go after an Imperial spy?"

"The timing can't be a coincidence."

Han silently agreed. "Let's get back to the Falcon. Between us and Chewie, we'll figure out where to go from here."

Leia nodded grimly. Han knew she was deeply disappointed that they had been unable to receive the information the spy had planned on sharing with them.

So far, this day was a wash


	2. Chapter 2: Let it Go

Thank you for coming back for more :)

To the guest reviewer who asked about Han 'flirting': If you read the chapter again, you will see that Han never actually flirts with the woman. He does notice she's attractive because, face it, he's not dead lol. At no point does he think about flirting or interacting beyond seeking information. Leia realized the woman is flirting with him and, since they have the info they need, ends the entire thing because who wants to watch someone flirt with their man? lol. Now, in chapter 2 here, you will see that beyond the moment, Leia does not take it very seriously. Hope this answered your question.

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 _Everybody's been counting you out,_  
 _But where are they now?_  
 _Sitting in the same old place,_  
 _Just faces in the crowd._

 _-_ Conqueror, Estelle and Jussie Smollett

###

Leia allowed the steaming water to stream across her body. The water in the Falcon's shower was on the verge of scalding but she welcomed it. Between the grimy air of Coruscant's lower levels and the incident in the alley, she felt the need to scrub herself clean.

She tried to focus her thoughts on their plans to seek information on Tatooine, but she kept returning to that earlier altercation. She had been mindless, following some primal instinct to destroy. For a moment, she had been back in that cell on Coruscant, a place she hadn't dwelt on in some time. And it hadn't been a stranger huddled and violated in that corner, it had been herself, cringing, trying to block out every moment of what was happening. A year and a half of healing and perseverance had disappeared in an instant and she was no longer a Jedi, but a frightened, defenseless young woman.

The pain, anger, and humiliation returned with an almost forgotten vehemence. Leia closed her eyes and tried to will it away but it stubbornly remained.

The steady noise of the pouring water drowned out the sound of the door whisking open and her senses didn't even pick up Han's presence in the refresher until he slid the door aside and climbed in, as naked as she. Her back was to him and she swiveled her head to look at him.

 _Gods, I'm distracted. Good thing I'm in a safe place._

She attempted a smile but could see by Han's sober expression that he wasn't fooled. He came behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her tightly against him, arms crossed in front of her. The comfort of warm skin and taut muscle allowed her to face forward again and close her eyes. She leaned her head back against him, hot water cascading down her neck and chest. His head folded atop hers and they stood in silence for a time.

"I love you," he rumbled softly by her ear.

She almost smiled. "I love you, too."

"You know there's no one else for me but you, right?"

Leia wondered at his words then recalled the Pantoran outside The Dim. Now, she did smile. "I know." The bad feelings were lessening but not disappearing entirely.

He embraced her a bit more tightly and placed a gentle kiss beside her ear. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she lied.

"You wanna talk about what happened?"

She knew he was not referring to the dead spy. After a deep sigh and a long pause, she began speaking tentatively. "I don't entirely know what happened. When I saw what was being done to…" She swallowed hard. "Things went dark…and confused. And I just acted without thinking." He didn't answer immediately and Leia wondered what he was thinking yet, at the same time, didn't want to know.

"Leia…you don't wanna go where Luke went."

"I wouldn't," she insisted defensively.

"No?" he murmured near her ear. "I don't pretend to get this dark side Force stuff. But, I see what it did to Luke. How it changed him. He's scared to even use the Force now."

Leia grimaced. She had argued with her brother over and over on this topic. He needed to reclaim the light. The galaxy needed them both more than ever. But, Luke refused, claiming he did not trust himself after his experience with darkness.

"I'm not Luke," she whispered. The water was beginning to lose its heat.

"No, you're not. But you told me what he was like on Coruscant when you battled him and Vader. The darkness, the anger you'd never seen before." He paused. "I don't want that to happen to you."

"It won't." But, why did she suddenly feel a flicker of fear?

"I won't let it," he whispered vehemently, squeezing her tightly.

Leia closed her eyes and tried to bury her thoughts. The tepid water was giving her a chill. She reached forward and switched it off. As she turned towards Han, he slid the door open, stepped out, and held a towel open to her. With a smile, she allowed him to enfold her inside. He grabbed another towel, wrapped it around his waist, and they returned to their cabin.

Han turned to her, took the towel from her, tossed it on her head and began vigorously rubbing her hair. With a quick laugh, she pushed at his hands until he let go. Leia removed the towel to find him grinning disarmingly. With a mock glare, she threw the towel at his chest and he caught it with ease. With a chuckle, he began gently drying her shoulders, back, arms. A smile curled her lips at the gesture, and her mind drifted back years ago to a time when she never would have believed that Han could be so tender, such a caretaker towards her. Life could throw so many unexpected twists and turns at you. Han was, of course, the best of those.

As he ran the towel across her buttocks, Leia grabbed it with one hand. "I can take it from here."

He returned her playful smile and removed his own towel. When both were dry, Han started to drop his towel to the floor but Leia caught it with a quick hand. He barely noticed as he turned around and climbed onto the bunk.

 _Some things never change,_ Leia thought with a mental eye roll. Han's haphazard messiness was one of the things that drove her crazy, yet she chose to overlook. She folded both towels and placed them on one of their storage compartments.

As she approached the bunk, Han held the blanket up for her to join him underneath it. She snuggled against his warmth as the blanket billowed over them then settled.

Han's arms around her always seemed to bring her a measure of peace. Even during the most difficult time of her life, on Dagobah, training with Yoda and trying to recover from trauma. She had pushed Han away, over and over…then finally, when she allowed him near, that sense of safety and serenity had been a balm to her soul.

"You're my hero," she whispered, staring at him earnestly.

"Huh? What'd I do?"

She smiled lovingly. "What didn't you do?" She was aware he was playing dumb, downplaying himself. She wondered where that swaggering braggart had gone.

His bewildered expression was exaggerated. "I dried you with a towel."

Her smile increased. "Yes. And you saved me. In so many ways."

His countenance grew more serious. "You saved me too. More than you know."

They shared an intense, emotional moment, looking into each other's eyes with trust and understanding. Leia knew he meant his words. But, she didn't think she had done nearly as much for him as he had done for her.

She placed her head on his shoulder, content. Too soon, her worries intruded. In the comfort of their bunk, Han's arms sheltering her, dark feelings began to spill forth.

"That's what I wanted to do to those bastards," she confessed in a harsh whisper. "Get them by the throat and choke the life from them. Watch as the light slowly faded from their eyes."

She felt Han tense, could sense the anger in him slowly building. He knew what had been done to her, in spite of the fact that she had never spoken of the details. His arms drew more tightly around her.

"If I had their names, I'd do it for you," he growled.

She smiled in spite of her morose mood. "I know you would." She settled into a brief silence, struggling to admit the part that scared her the most. She could still feel the simmer of Han's fury and protectiveness. In a voice that was barely audible, she spoke. "I still want to. That's what scares me."

"That's natural."

"Not for a Jedi."

"Jedi are human too. You're allowed to feel however you feel. It's whether or not you act on it that matters."

He didn't understand, but Leia didn't expect him to. It was something one could only understand through experience with the Force. But, his support meant everything.

She rolled onto her belly to gaze at him. A sudden need to purge herself of the horrid circumstances rose in her. She would have expected to turn her eyes away, to speak softly and tremble at the memory. Perhaps the earlier trauma had imbued a new sense of resilience inside her. Never before had she felt she could speak of it. Now, she felt she had to.

"There were two of them. Officers. They came in my cell and had obviously been drinking."

She saw the moment that Han registered what she was talking about. Confusion quickly fled to concern that deeply furrowed his brow; the gold flecks in his eyes darkened and a frown drew the corners of his mouth down. And then the pain…the pain in eyes that suffered because she did.

"One of them slammed me against the wall. Then they ripped my jumpsuit." Her eyes finally lowered in response to the waves of anger, regret, and sorrow that spewed from Han's being. She realized she was hurting him as much as she was unburdening herself. Skipping over the most horrid details, she sighed. "Funny, it was Vader who finally stopped them."

 _"_ _Vader?"_

His disbelief wrenched her eyes quickly back to him. She nodded. "He came in and used the Force to knock them both down. I'm not sure if he killed them." _I hope he did._ She kept the thought silent.

"Wow," Han said in a small voice, staring over her head at nothing. His eyes returned to her. "You don't think he knew…?"

The thought had never occurred to her before. She tilted her head curiously. "Hm. No. Had he known…who I was…I'm certain he would've wanted me as much as he wanted Luke." The thought of their shared parentage still horrified her, although she tried to contain and manage those feelings. That moment of resignation in the Imperial Palace came back to her…

 _Kill her._

Luke had shown no sliver of doubt as brother and sister battled with lightsabers under the scrutiny of the man—no, the _monster_ —responsible for their birth. His only hesitation had come at those words, the command to kill his sister. A peaceful acceptance had settled over her as she waited to die at her brother's hand.

But, he hadn't killed her; had killed Vader instead.

"I do wonder…" she said thoughtfully. "Whatever brought him to my cell in the first place?" She would never know.

Han was silent, but she could sense his turmoil churning, a bitter brew of rough, heated emotions. Underneath were the deep feelings of love and tenderness he had for her. It provided her with her greatest strength. They had become so intertwined; she could no longer imagine life without him.

She brought her lips to his in a soft lingering kiss, effusive emotions swelling, overpowering the darkness and keeping it at bay.


	3. Chapter 3: Grudges

I'm sorry that my updates have not been as regular as they normally are. I am on my fourth round of house guests and this one will be here for a few weeks. It's cutting into my writing/posting/reading time and totally throwing me off. I'm not a fan of constant company lol.

I hope you like this chapter. It explains more before our heroes are thrust back into action.

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"Catch!"

Luke caught the bottle of Corellian Ale with an easy smile.

"Nice catch, Kid." Han sauntered to the game table where Luke was seated next to Leia, Chewie on his other side. He sat down on next to Leia and placed a second bottle between himself and Leia. Chewie had declined.

"So, what did you find on Tatooine?" Luke asked.

The trio had returned to rendezvous with Home One so that Leia could debrief Command about the mission to Coruscant.

"Mandalorian Death Watchers are said to be on the moon of Concordia," Han replied. He reached for the ale but Leia was just bringing it to her lips. She took a sip then handed it to him.

Chewie growled the information that they were leaving for Concordia in the morning.

"We have to find out how the Mandalorians are connected to this," Leia added. "It's the only lead to the information our spy was trying to give us."

Han replaced his ale on the Table and turned to Luke. "You should come with us, we could use a fourth."

"I don't have an assignment right now. Let me check with Ackbar," said Luke.

"Great. Doesn't hurt to have a second Jedi on board." Han felt Leia stiffen at his side.

Luke's eyes lowered to the tabletop. "Han…I've told you. I'm not going to use the Force."

Once again, Han was angered. Luke had this powerful tool, yet he refused to use it. He could tip the scales in their favor and yet he would not. "You're still on that kick? C'mon."

The younger man's blue eyes were dimmer than ever before. "I can't."

"You can. You just won't." He couldn't keep the resentment from his voice.

Luke's lips pressed together and his eyes held a touch of guilt. "All right," he said quietly. "I won't." He looked away.

The silence was thick until Leia abruptly interjected. "Please speak to Ackbar," she said with soft urgency. "It would be helpful to have you along. Besides, I miss you."

"I miss you too. It'll be like old times."

Chewie growled his hope that things would go better than old times and everyone but Han chuckled.

Solemnity returned to Leia's tone. "I know our spy had something big to tell us. We have to find out. We can't allow the Empire another win."

Han couldn't hold back. "If someone had used the Force at Endor, we wouldn't be sitting here right now."

"Han," Leia called in a low warning.

Han glowered. "No one else is willing to say it, but everyone thought it." He knew it was true. Before the attack on the second Death Star, Luke had renounced the Force, even though he was leading the Rogues during the attack on the deadly space station. Everyone outside of his private circle just assumed he would make the shot to destroy it…when he missed, everyone had been stunned.

Before Endor was destroyed, the remnants of the Rebel Fleet had retreated and made the jump to hyperspace. But the loss of the ground troops had been a huge blow.

The majority of the Rebels had no idea why Luke had missed. Those who did, like Han, wondered if the former Jedi felt responsible for the destruction of an entire world and the aftermath it unleashed on the galaxy. He hoped Luke did.

"That's enough," Leia said more harshly, berating Han with narrowed eyes.

With a grunt of frustration, Han stood and stomped from the hold. If _he_ had a chance to single-handedly destroy the Empire, he wouldn't hesitate.

###

Leia watched Han's back disappear through the archway. She understood his frustration. The impact that the loss at Endor had on the galaxy continued to be devastating. The threat of destruction to entire planets had cowed most systems. The Emperor had already forced too many systems into submitting to his will. And rumors abounded that he planned to slowly enslave more alien species.

Silent outrage filled the galaxy, yet was banished by intimidation. The swelling support that had been steadily growing for the Rebellion had ground to a terrified halt. Between the losses at Endor and the threat of retaliation, the Alliance's ranks were at an all-time low.

But, she also understood her brother; what he had faced, what he had been through. And what he now feared.

She reached across the table and placed a hand over Luke's. "Don't let Han get to you," she said gently. "He doesn't understand."

Chewie growled quiet agreement.

With a brief glance, Luke flashed a small, appreciative smile at each of them. "I know I disappointed a lot of people," he said quietly.

Leia couldn't think of a greater understatement.

"But, I just can't trust myself. Yoda said that once you start down the dark path, it'll dominate your destiny forever." He shrugged, looking downhearted. "The safest thing I can do is not use the Force at all."

There was no use arguing with him yet again. She had come at him from every angle: from his best interest, his good heart, her support, the good of the galaxy…the list was endless. But, he was immovable. She wished Yoda were still alive to counsel him…

Waiting in the upper quad gun of the Millennium Falcon, Leia had held her breath as Han followed Luke into the exhaust port of the Death Star. There had been a discussion earlier about who would make the final shot. Han had wanted to do it, but had finally acquiesced and allowed it to be Luke. Guilt still nagged at Leia. She had helped to convince him to bow out by insisting that in the moment, Luke would allow the Force to guide him.

If Han had taken the shot…would things be different?

 _What if..._

In what felt like another lifetime, Han had once shown Leia the futility of asking that question. Long before Hoth, he had initially irked her as he often did. With the blunt, brash way he said things, she had been on guard for yet another session of baiting until she wanted to scream at him.

But, he had been sincere, which had surprised her at the time. She never would have believed then that this man she now knew to be Han Solo could exist beneath that smug, self-serving exterior. How much time they had wasted when they never knew how much time they had left.

She was well aware that asking 'what if?' was completely useless. But, with the state the galaxy was in and the hopelessness that seemed to blanket every facet of the Rebellion's existence, it was difficult to keep from asking such a question.

When she thought about the loss of life on Endor…their own troops as well as the native species…it tore her heart apart. She kept these feelings to herself, knowing that expressing them to Luke would only increase his guilt. If she told Han, he would have even more ammunition against her brother. She knew they loved each other like brothers. But, Han was very hard-headed and not all that good at seeing the points of view of others.

"You must do what you feel is best," she replied quietly. All she could do now is hope that time would change his mind.

###

Slim arms slid around his chest and her cheek settled against his back. Han paused from examining the panel in the circuitry bay and his mouth bunched to one side as Leia's soothing presence began to cool down the dash of anger and resentment that still remained. Han's eyes fell shut and they remained in that position for a time, finding solace in their closeness.

"Ease up on Luke, please. Okay?"

His eyes opened and tightened; he felt his defenses start to rise and tried to dampen them down. His first instinct was to defend himself. After a lifetime of reactiveness, it was an effort to counterbalance.

"I'll try," he answered stoically.

"I understand your anger. And I wish it were that simple and I could be angry at him too. But, it's not that simple."

Han placed his hands over the ones resting against his chest. It seemed pretty simple to him. Most likely, Leia's perception was clouded by her love for her brother.

"It frustrates me," she admitted. "But, I understand his fears."

He rolled his eyes, an action he wouldn't have followed through with had he been facing her.

Apparently, she was still aware of his disdain. "He's traumatized, Han. It's not much different from how I was on Dagobah."

At times, he adored the intimacy they shared through the Force. Others, it was a pain in the ass that only prolonged certain conversations.

"Okay."

"You were so patient with me. Can you please try to extend some of that patience to Luke?"

Han had experienced some of the worst pain of his life during that time. And, alternately, his greatest joy. "All right. I'll try." It was so hard for him to deny her.

"Thank you." Her voice was grateful.

With a sigh, he turned to face her as her arms released him for just a moment then tightened around him again. He embraced her in return, his chin above her head. Long ago, before he had even admitted he had feelings for her, he had comforted her in a moment of weakness. Holding her innocently in his arms, he had been unable to deny the way she fit perfectly, as if she belonged there. He had pushed the unbidden thought aside and mentally chastised himself.

"I just wish we weren't fighting a losing battle," he grumbled.

Her voice was strong as it rose to meet his ears. "We might not be winning right now. Give it time."

She always persevered, no matter the obstacles. And it wasn't even the Force that gave her such strength. She had always had it. "My little optimist," he said fondly.

"Who are you calling little?"

He pulled back to look at her and found her glare forced. "You, little one," he smirked.

She struggled not to smile but quickly succumbed, affection shining from her eyes. With a lazy grin, Han bent to kiss her, quickly parting her lips. It was all worth it. Every last, gritty moment of this war.


	4. Chapter 4: Old Friends, New Journeys

To the guest reviewer who asked what days I will be updating: At the moment, I am not sure. I have a guest staying in my home and I have to share my computer (much to my horror!) as well as keep him entertained. Once he leaves I will establish a regular schedule, but for now I will have to update whenever I have a chance.

Back to our heroes...

###

The dense forest of Concordia gave way to an expanse of trees that lacked the lush foliage they had left behind. Han was aware that the planet was still in the process of recovering from the devastation caused by the iron miners. Mandalorian Death Watchers were said to dwell in the many abandoned mines that were scattered across this side of the planet.

While the verdant, green of the replenished lands appeared to be bursting with fresh, new life, the trees and bushes here looked as if they were near death. Gray surrounded them, a gloomy existence at best.

With so many abandoned mines, it would take time to locate the Death Watchers. Having just begun their journey, the four friends were on high alert for any sign of trouble. Threepio and Artoo trailed behind them, the latter using his scanners to aid in their search. Han couldn't imagine Threepio's purpose. Other than to drive him crazy.

The trees ended abruptly and there was nothing but dry, dusty dirt. _So much for wearing camouflage,_ Han thought. About a kilometer ahead of them stood a large structure the color of the dirt beneath their feet.

"That's gotta be one of the mines," Han declared.

Chewie grunted agreement, Artoo beeped, and they continued toward it. When they were within half a kilometer, Artoo began to trill and whistle.

"Oh, Captain Solo," Threepio called. "Artoo says he does not detect any life forms inside the mine."

"You sure?"

Artoo beeped indignantly.

Han turned grimly to Leia. "What about you? Anything?"

As he watched her, he saw her eyes take on that familiar, faraway look, as if she were seeing without using her eyes. "No," she replied, still somewhere in the distance. With a blink, she returned to the moment and met Han's eyes. "No signs of life."

"I assure you, Captain," Threepio interjected. "Artoo's sensors are quite capable of picking up any life forms."

A resentful series of beeps followed.

Luke responded before Han could. "We have all the faith in the galaxy in you, Artoo."

Han rolled his eyes, aware of Leia smiling fondly. "C'mon," he grunted, leading them forward.

Artoo trilled again, more excitedly.

"There is another mine ten kilometers to the east," Threepio translated.

Han nodded and changed direction. Eventually, they hit the green of the forest again. The sounds of life were abundant in this part of the wood. Birds cast their mating calls from the tops of the trees; a snake slithered along a rock; something skulked in the bushes, causing Chewie to growl low in his throat.

The trees eventually petered out to lifeless dirt and rock, and by the time they were approaching the next mine, sunset was nearing.

A cacophony of beeps and whistles sounded, startling Han in the silence. They all turned for Threepio to translate.

"There are abundant life forms in the mine directly ahead of us." The droid managed to sound dreadfully frightened.

One side of Han's mouth pulled up in a grin and he tossed a look at each of his companions. "Leia?" He jerked his head in her direction.

That absent look of concentration was there again and he noted the moment of recognition. "Artoo's right. There must be….fifteen of them. Mostly human, I think."

"Do they seem hostile?" Luke asked.

Leia's head tilted, attention fixed. "No. They don't sense a threat. It's business as usual."

"They're sure to have sensors placed when we get closer," Luke said.

"Artoo, can you jam their sensors?" Leia asked.

The small droid replied with a few beeps.

"It may take some time, Mistress Leia, but Artoo will do it." The golden protocol droid almost sounded proud of his counterpart.

The group continued their approach, the astromech's dome spinning busily. Halfway there, he trilled sharply.

"Artoo has successfully jammed the sensors outside the mine," Threepio declared.

"Great job, Artoo," Luke praised.

The little droid gave a resounding beep.

The verdurous landscape began to thin out again until they came within a half kilometer of the mine, where it again became an expanse of dirt and dust. The structure was exactly the same as the last one they had seen.

Chewie growled at length.

"Yeah," Han agreed. "It must extend down into the ground."

"No guards outside," Luke observed. "They must rely on their sensors."

"Artoo, can you get the door open?" Han asked.

The droid beeped confidently.

Han nodded. "All right, let's go." Weapons drawn, they drifted cautiously towards the entrance. There was nowhere to seek cover, which gave Han pause. He brushed it aside, reminding himself how good Leia was at sensing immediate danger.

At the wide, rectangular door, Artoo plugged himself into the terminal, circuits whirring. A long moment passed and finally, with a triumphant beep, the door slid open.

Hefting their weapons, the Rebels had the element of surprise on their side. Two rough looking, male humans looked up, eyes wide and startled. Before either could swing their blast rifles around, Leia's hand came up and both men were thrown against the far wall. Han, Luke, and Chewie were in front of them immediately, blasters and bowcaster aimed.

"Weapons, let's go!" Han growled.

As Luke confiscated their rifles, Han tossed Leia a quick wink. "Nice job, Sweetheart."

###

"Giggledust," Han muttered with disgust.

After a brief firefight and mass confusion, they had found out that the mine was being used as a spice refinery and had no ties to Mandalorians.

When the air had finally been cleared, Leia had been impressed at how Han finessed the spice dealers, smoothing things over and avoiding any true conflict or bloodshed. His criminal past often came in handy.

"Can't believe what we almost got into over some spice operation," he concluded.

"We should set up camp soon," Luke suggested. "It's almost dark."

Chewbacca barked agreement and when Leia glanced at Han, he only sighed. They had just reentered the wooded area beyond the mine.

"Let's get farther into the forest before we set up camp," Leia added.

After trekking another kilometer, they stopped and set up their temporary shelters. Once everything was in place, they sat around a glow rod and ate rations in the soft illumination.

Leia glanced at where Threepio stood, eyes dimmed, arms drooping.

"I wish you would warn him before you switch him off," she said to Han with mild annoyance.

Artoo echoed her sentiments with a harsh series of twitters.

"The less I have to hear him the better," he mumbled around a mouthful. He offered her his canteen and Leia took it and downed a swallow. She replaced it on the ground between them.

She thought back to the flight from Coruscant and her surprise at seeing Threepio on the Falcon. It was a shock that Han had actually found him after he had been lost on Hoth. It was even more shocking that Han hadn't left him on Coruscant.

Her head tilted curiously towards Han. "Did you ever do giggledust?"

A flicker of discomfort combined with surprise. He swallowed before answering. "Once." His eyes returned to his ration bar and he took another bite.

"And?"

After chewing and swallowing, he glanced at her. "Didn't like it much. I don't like spice. Don't like being out of control like that." He sat up straighter. "What about you?"

A titter escaped her. "What do you think? On Alderaan?" Her homeplanet was so clean, she doubted there was ever a drop of spice to be found.

"Not in all your travels even?" He was grinning at her and Leia thought he must be imagining the proper Princess of past on giggledust.

"No," she replied, her grin mirroring his.

He turned sharply the other way. "What about you, Kid?"

Luke looked up from where he had been staring into the brightness of the glow rod. "Huh?"

"You ever do giggledust on that ball of dust you grew up on?"

Luke smiled with one corner of his mouth. "I never did much of anything on Tatooine."

Han smirked. "Can't say I'm surprised."

After Chewbacca wolfed down more rations than the other three ate altogether, he let out a huge, toothy yawn, bid them good night, and crawled inside the two tents he had placed together to fit his huge form. The remaining trio sat quietly and finished their rations. Han and Leia passed the canteen back and forth between them.

Han chuckled suddenly. "That look on those two guys' faces was priceless, Sweetheart."

She scooted closer and leaned against his shoulder. "The guards upstairs?"

"Yeah, when you threw 'em against the wall."

She exchanged a small smile with Luke. It was sweet the way that Han was still impressed by her powers.

"I love it when people underestimate you. And they always do," Han added.

A glance at Luke showed him struggling not to smile.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"I was just thinking about when we rescued you from the Death Star. How we thought we would be rescuing this little damsel in distress. Then, there you were, ripping the rifle out of my hands and ordering us around."

Han laughed shortly. "Well, she was little."

With a mock scowl, she jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"We underestimated you, even back them," Luke said, still smiling.

"Yeah," Han added. "And I underestimated your ability to get on my nerves." But, he was grinning with affection.

"I would say I underestimated both of you, as well," she countered.

"So, you didn't notice how gorgeous I was right away?"

Leia looked up at him, that half-grin spread across one side of his face, the soft glow darkening the other side. She was not about to feed his ego by telling him just how handsome he appeared in that moment. Eyebrows raised, she appraised him coolly. "All I noticed was your big mouth and how quick you were to make mistakes."

His jaw fell open in a mock wounded expression. "Mistakes?" His voice lowered to a seductive growl. "All right, Your Highnessness, I'll remember that later when you're pulling my hair and calling my name."

Leia felt the dark flush travel up her neck to her hairline. "Han!" She sat up and her eyes flashed on him, intently avoiding her brother's gaze.

"And that's my cue to go to sleep," Luke said, standing.

Han laughed lightly and Leia gave him a death glare. "I'm sorry, Luke," Leia said without looking at him. She could sense he was both embarrassed and amused.

"Luke's a big boy," Han declared.

"Good night!" Luke disappeared into his tent.

Leia returned to glare at Han.

"What?" he asked defensively, raising his hands.

"How could you embarrass both of us like that?"

"What's so embarrassing? I'm sure Luke knows we have sex."

"Shh!"

In one smooth motion, he caught her around the waist and yanked her to him, flashing his most charming smile. "You're still so easy to rile," he murmured.

She opened her mouth to protest but then he was kissing her roughly. Her mouth remained stiff and resistive for the longest moment then his lips softened, tongue gently coaxing her to yield. She finally acceded, lips slowly slackening until she was kissing him back. It was long, languorous, melting into something unexpectedly passionate and intense.

Lips parted, breath quick and heavy, eyes closed, foreheads melded together.

"You were saying?" he murmured, voice like thunder striking around her.

She took a few unsteady breaths before answering. "You're lucky you're so good at making me forget."

He laughed faintly and Leia opened her eyes to find him smiling at her.

"C'mon," he said brightly. "Let's get some sleep." He stood, held out his hands and pulled her to her feet. "Artoo, you're on watch."

The droid whistled jauntily then his dome began a slow spin from side to side. Han and Leia disappeared into the small tent that was really meant for only one occupant.

Inside, Leia removed her camo poncho, folded it neatly and placed it by her feet. Han took off his jacket and tossed it on top. Leia rolled her eyes but said nothing.

Turning on her side, she smiled when Han folded himself behind her, knees spooning hers, one arm placed around her side. She sighed contentedly.

Han's hand slid smoothly under her shirt, twisted beneath her bra, thumb and forefinger closing over her nipple, teasing it rigid.

"Mmm, that feels good," she breathed, eyes falling shut.

He groaned low in his throat and pressed his growing hardness into the cleft of her buttocks.

Leia's breath caught and she felt the wetness pool between her thighs at the promise of his touch. But, common sense prevailed.

"Cool your thrusters, Hotshot. We can't do this here."

His lips and tongue were hot and wet against the back of her neck and the ecstasy of it caused her to gasp. "What was that?" he asked in a low, sexy rumble.

Lost to the movements of his tongue, for a moment, all she could do was sigh. Then she forced herself to gain control. "No, Han. This is not happening here." She wasn't concerned about Chewie. The Wookiee had overheard their amorous activities more times than Leia could count. There were few boundaries between them at his point; they were more family than she could ever have imagined and there was very little that Chewbacca was not privy to.

On the other hand, she did not feel comfortable with even the chance that Luke might overhear. They were certainly close, but sex was not a topic they ever discussed.

Now, both of Han's hands were inside her shirt and his mouth was at her ear, his harsh breath accompanying the play of his tongue against her lobe.

"I'm not doing this with Luke just a few meters away."

"We'll be quiet," he whispered.

"You know we won't be."

He laughed, a deep chuckle, and the whisper against her ear made her shudder. "I know _you_ won't be." His mouth trailed down her neck.

With her shoulder, she tried to shove him back and away from her. It only resulted in his tightening his embrace and pulling her closer. She squirmed in his arms and spun to face him.

"Don't make me use the Force on you." One eyebrow rose and aimed at him.

"Hmm, sounds hot." He brought his lips close to hers.

Leia shook her head, tried not to smile, but finally couldn't help herself. With a slight giggle, she kissed him, long and steamy, tongues intertwined. She felt him wrap a leg around her and press closer.

He finally pulled back, lashes lowered, eyes dark and intent. With a smirk, Leia gave him one last peck on the lips then turned away again.

"Good night, my love."

A long, pregnant pause and Han's indignant voice sounded through the small tent. "Good night?"

She glanced over her shoulder to find him gaping. "I told you. I'm not doing this here."

From not too far away, Luke called out. "Thank you!"

"Oh Gods," Leia muttered, covering her face as a flash of heat suffused her cheeks.

After a startled moment, Han began to laugh loudly. Soon after, Luke joined in, and a moment later, Chewie was guffawing along with them. Finally, Leia's embarrassment faded, the laughter bubbled up, and she could hold it in no longer.

The sounds of their mirth twined together to rise through the trees and, in that moment, it was as if the four friends had never spent time apart.


	5. Chapter 5: Fight or Flight

Sorry this chapter has taken so long to post. Had to have my wisdom teeth removed this week, which has not been fun. But, i am on the mend now.

Thank you all for reading, following, and especially for reviewing! Every review is greatly appreciated and inspires me to keep writing :)

Things are about to get interesting...

###

The mood was dim and morose. Having spent many hours searching for mines, they had found two and both were empty. Now late afternoon, they headed in the direction of the mountains, intent on exploring a third.

Han would almost prefer an altercation over finding nothing at all. If there was one thing he hated, it was pointless wandering and boredom.

The air had turned dry and humid as they traipsed through another long patch of ruined forest. Here, there was no sound beyond their footsteps and the random noises of Artoo scanning their surroundings.

A tap against his arm and Han looked down at Leia. He accepted the proffered canteen, took a long swallow, and handed it back. Her expression was not as grim as his, but he could see she was somewhat disheartened by their lack of results. She hated wasting precious time.

A breeze cooled them while simultaneously stirring up dust that caused them all to close their eyes for a moment. When Han opened his again, he became aware of something large and winged descending from the mountain in the distance. He squinted against the sun.

"What the hell is that?" he asked. He was aware of everyone stopping to gaze upwards. Large wings flapping then gliding smoothly, it made a slow, steady approach.

Chewie barked sharply and Han realized that he was right; it was headed straight for them. And it was even bigger than he initially thought. Bright orange, it streaked through the sky, the sun glinting across its tremendous body.

"Run!" he screamed, pushing Leia forward with one hand. She and Luke sprinted at a dead run, Han and Chewie bringing up the rear, placing themselves in harm's way. Moving as fast as his feet allowed, Han felt a sharp pain hit his lungs, but it didn't slow him down. Keeping an eye on Leia, he glanced over his shoulder and saw the creature bearing down on them. He kicked into high gear, sprinting a bit faster.

It cast a sudden, dark shadow over him and he heard his co-pilot scream with a bellowing roar. Han looked up and realized he was right, it was passing over them. When he realized the angle of its descent, Han's heart darted to his stomach and his breath caught.

He skewed to a halt and drew his blaster. Heart slamming hard, he took aim as the beast lowered, talons open and ready. Ahead, Leia was running at top speed, but the flying creature dipped down, and Han squeezed the trigger, just as Chewbacca let off a shot of his own. Both bolts met their marks and the beast squawked but did not falter. As they pummeled it with multiple blasts, it seemed completely unaffected as it swooped low, grasped the back of Leia's tunic in its claws, and soared up to the sky.

"Leia!" Han shouted desperately. "Leia!" As he continued to fire ineffectual shots that scattered to the winds, he saw her grip her lightsaber, the bright blue beam of the blade flaring. As he watched her soar into the sky, the blade retracted and flickered away.

He stumbled to a halt, uncomprehending and distraught, as she receded into the distance. The creature angled sharply and headed back to the far-off mountain.

Han was barely aware of Chewie grumbling darkly beside him. For a moment, disbelief rendered him speechless. With a jolt, he broke from the spell and turned to Luke, who stood, panting, hands on knees.

"Why the hell would that thing take Leia?" he asked, jabbing a finger towards the mountain.

Luke straightened and shook his head wordlessly.

Han glared at him with an irrational feeling that his young friend should have all the answers. Realizing the futility of it, he turned to face the mountain, heart still racing, anxiety clawing at his insides. A moment later, he was resolute.

"Chewie, the droids'll never make it up that mountain. Get them set to hide back in the woods then catch up with us. We're heading up the mountain."

"But, Captain Solo, I don't think it's wise for Artoo and me to be left to fend for ourselves. Who knows what other manner of creature might be lurking in wait for…"

Han's quick stride away left no room argument from the protocol droid. He hadn't been listening anyway. He was solely focused on Leia.

What was that thing going to do to her? She was so far away, what if they didn't make it in time?

Fear pulsed through him, clinging to the pit of his stomach, and he tried to swallow it back. _No._ It couldn't end this way for her. She had been through hell and back in her young life, and had survived it all; had become stronger for it.

"Leia will be okay, Han. She knows how to handle herself."

Luke's voice seemed distant and Han concentrated on plodding forward and trying not to think the worst. He wanted to run but knew that at this distance, he would soon burn out. A brisk, steady pace was best. He longed for a hovercar, a speeder bike, a swoop, anything to bridge the distance more quickly.

An indeterminate time later, heavy footsteps sounded behind them and Han turned to find Chewie rushing towards them. Once at his side, he growled a solemn oath to find Leia. Han knew the Wookiee was sincere. Since Dagobah, Chewie guarded over Leia as fiercely as he did Han. He was never sure if his loyalty towards the Princess came from his own feelings of friendship for her, or because she was the mate of one he held a life debt to. Perhaps it was a combination of both.

Traveling in silence, Han found comfort in good memories. His first moment of genuine interest in Leia had come at first sight of her at the end of the long pathway to receive his hero's medal on Yavin. Her angelic beauty, her stunning smile had captivated him instantly. He had denied to himself that it was more than simple attraction to physical beauty, but in reality, there had been a spark from the beginning, one he had swiftly denied.

 _Looks like you managed to cut off our only escape route._

It had been an observation, but Han had taken it as criticism, and it had foreshadowed all their interactions for the next three years.

Gradually, grudgingly, he had to admit that there was much more to it than simple attraction. It wasn't just her beauty that kept him around when his best bet was to take off and settle the one score that hung heavily above his head. It was her grace, her fierce spirit, her passion, and so much more…

Her heart, he realized suddenly. He had never put it into words before, but he suddenly recognized what it came down to.

He loved her heart. It loved so fiercely. Instinctively, he had known this even before they became lovers. Her heart held the entire galaxy inside.

Their path over those next three years was well-worn and convoluted. He was half in love with her by the time of their mission to Ord Mantell.

 _Probably more than half,_ he mused. _And to think, I almost left without letting her know how I felt._

He couldn't think about what her fate might have been. Then again, perhaps Luke still would have sought him out to rescue her from Coruscant.

He glanced at the man who had turned out, through an amazing twist of fate, to be her brother. At one time, Han had thought him a possible rival for Leia's affections. Amazing how things turned out…

Han's mind skillfully skipped past what Leia had gone through on Coruscant, the subsequent pain and suffering that the fallout from those events caused them both. To this day, he wished he could erase the damage the Empire had done to her, in spite of the fact that it had brought them together and forged an unshakable bond between them.

And now what? It seemed as if they could never catch a break. It was always something threatening them. He longed for a day when the fighting would be over, a day when they could stop and breathe. When there wasn't danger at every turn.

And when that day came, maybe they could even get married.

Before Leia, the idea of marriage had been laughable, unthinkable. It was amazing how love could change a person.

His stomach clenched again as his mind returned to the present, unable to hold his fear at bay.

He would find her. And, she would be safe and sound. She had to be.

###

At the base of the mountain, the trio craned their necks to peer at the top. It was a long way up.

With a sigh, Han turned to Luke. "Okay, do your thing."

Luke blinked. "My thing?"

"Yeah, your Force thing. Find Leia."

Blue eyes became wary. "Han, I've told you…I can't use the Force."

"You can't…?" Han sputtered then went momentarily silent, mouth dangling open. He took a deep breath and stood taller. "Look, Kid, Leia might be willing to indulge you in this little phase. But, I don't have that luxury right now. We need to find her. And wandering all over this mountain'll just be a waste of time. So, give it up and get to it."

Lips pressed tightly, Luke glanced at Chewie, who said nothing. "We'll find Leia. If I wasn't here, you'd do just fine without the Force."

With exaggerated patience, hands on hips, Han spoke slowly. "Yeah, but you are here, and you do have the Force."

"You don't understand what's at stake."

"Yeah, I do. Leia's at stake."

"You underestimate her."

Anger flared. "I don't underestimate her. I know very well what she can do. But, I don't know what that thing that took her can do."

"She'll be all right."

"You don't know that!"

Chewbacca roared between them, urging Han to simmer down. The two men stared at each other, one calm but frustrated, the other with blazing eyes. Jaw taut, Han couldn't recall ever being so angry at his friend. He took a step closer and spoke in a low, harsh whisper.

"You know how she suffered on Coruscant. You know what she went through. And it was all because of you." In that moment, Han realized he had been harboring a secret anger towards Luke. If not for him, Leia would never have been subjected to such horrors.

Luke shrunk back at the accusation. "I gave up my soul to save her," he said in a quiet, earnest voice.

"Well, that came a little too late," Han sneered.

"It was all I could do." His eyes dropped to the ground.

"Did you know she was raped?" Han shouted, voice loud in the stillness surrounding them. Chewie grumbled softly beside him as Han felt fury radiating from every pore. He had pushed his outrage down for a long time. Now, it surfaced ferociously, honing in on Luke.

Luke's head jerked up and his eyes widened. Slowly, he shook his head, mouth opening with no words.

"You didn't have to see her," Han continued. "You didn't have to watch her break into pieces and fall apart. You think you know darkness? Darkness is watching someone you love in hell and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Darkness is what Leia went through. And after all that, she faced Vader, the devil who's haunted her dreams for years, just to save you. And what'd you do? You tried to kill her!"

"No!" Luke's voice was strangled. "I never tried to kill her!"

"Oh, that lightsaber duel was just for fun?"

Luke opened his mouth to respond, but Chewie roared loudly, shutting both men down. Chest heaving, Han's steely eyes glared at the younger man. He saw the hurt and defensiveness in his expression, but it could not begin to move him. He spoke in a lower voice, the words grinding out.

"You need to do this. For your sister."

Luke's posture shifted from vulnerable to resigned. His gaze lowered and he nodded swiftly. Han's stance relaxed slightly.

Luke looked up at the mountain then closed his eyes in concentration. His expression was one of reconciled dread. A long moment later, his eyes opened with that familiar, faraway look Han had observed on Leia's face more times than he could count.

"She's okay," Luke said quietly. "She's safe."

A sliver of Han's anxiety dropped away and he took a breath. He could not entirely believe it until he saw her with his own eyes. But a shining hope burst through his chest. "Where is she?"

Luke's lips twisted to one side. "At the top." His gaze returned to focus on Han but his eyes looked dead.

Chewbacca released a harsh, growling sigh.

"Okay," Han said with a grim nod. "We're going to the top."


	6. Chapter 6: The Least of our Problems

Life is returning back to normal!I plan to update on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Thanks for reading!

###

Legs aching from the upwards climb, Han did not allow it to slow him down. The three friends had been silent for most of the ascent and he did not allow himself to give thought to the feelings of his two companions. No matter how many times Luke assured him that Leia was okay, Han could not dim his anxiety. Whisper moths continued to flit about his stomach, anticipating trouble, grounding him in the reality of what might be.

"We're almost there," Luke said stoically.

Han glanced up at the setting sun, unable to appreciate the soft hues of pink and orange that lightly dotted the sky. He was tired, anxious, and still a bit heartsick. Hopefully, the last could be rectified soon.

The last stretch grew steeper and he felt his upper thigh muscles straining against the incline. And then, they were cresting the final peak, and his eyes found the top of an enormous, mighty tree that stretched to the sky. The branches seemed endless, twining together into what almost looked like a ceiling beneath the heavens.

At the top, he saw Leia, eyes already on him as if she surely knew he would appear. His stomach unclenched, heart leaping to his throat, and the breath he realized he was holding released in a furious rush.

His grin of relief was instantaneous, and Leia was smiling back serenely from the base of the tree. Han moved to hurry towards her when a sudden, deafening growl assaulted his ears.

He was barely able to register the huge, orange creature, a blur that almost seemed to strike him physically as its steaming breath blasted him in the face. Stumbling backwards, Han fell, buttocks slamming onto a hard, sharp rock. He was dimly aware of Chewbacca roaring behind him.

"Salamir! Stand down!"

The deep, male voice seemed to come from everywhere.

Nose to nose with Han, the beast seemed to regard him for a moment, a snort flaring from his nostrils, ruffling Han's hair and stirring up dust around them.

The orange-scaled head was almost as big as Han's entire body and the bridge of its nose was tinged blue. Massive horns adorned the head and its yellow eyes seemed to sneer at Han.

"I said stand down!"

With a gruff whimper, the living monstrosity turned its head away and looked back at the tree. Han couldn't see past the enormity of the creature.

"That's right," the powerful voice commanded.

It turned its body towards the tree, powerful wings closed against its flank then slunk away, leaving Han alone on the ground.

Standing beside Leia now was a tall, dark skinned man with long vines of black hair that hung past his shoulders. Han's gaze dismissed all else and fell to Leia.

"Are you all right?" he asked tightly.

"Yes, I'm fine." Her expression was a mix of chagrin and amusement. She came forward as Han stood and quickly pulled her into his arms, relief flooding him. His eyes closed against the sudden wave of emotion.

A deep snarl sounded again and Han looked up reflexively as Leia turned from him to embrace Luke then Chewie.

Lip curled, Han's eyes flitted quickly to the man at the base of the tree where the hostile creature now reclined beside him, still appearing tensed to pounce on him. Now that imminent danger had passed, Han noticed that the man was older, with deep, dark wrinkles lining his face and age spots dappled across his skin. He almost seemed to blend into his dark robes. He was smiling kindly at him, but Han couldn't quite return the sentiment.

"What is that thing?" Han groused as Leia returned to his side and wound an arm about his waist. He placed his arm around her shoulders in return, silently rejoicing in her nearness.

The man inclined his head towards the creature, smiling with affection. "Oh, I don't rightly know." He reached a hand to pat it across the nose and it nuzzled into his touch. "Salamir was much smaller when he found me. But, I've never seen another of his kind. I gather he isn't native to Concordia, but I've no idea how he might have gotten here."

"He found you?" Luke asked.

The man suddenly smiled at Luke as if noticing him for the first time. "Yes, he did."

"Who are you?" Han asked, tired of being in the dark.

He took a step down from the tree roots, away from Salamir. "I am Jaruu."

"Jaruu was once a Jedi," Leia said quietly.

Han felt his brow raise in surprise and Luke stepped closer to Jaruu.

"You were a Jedi?" Luke was awestruck.

A wistfulness tainted his smile. "I was but a Padawan when the Jedi were purged from the galaxy."

"Did you know our father?"

Leia stiffened, the fingers at Han's waist tightening. It was almost imperceptible but he was well aware that she was not as accepting of their lineage as her brother was.

"And who was your father?"

Han gave Leia's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Anakin Skywalker," Luke said softly in a mixture of pride and shame.

Han watched carefully as Jaruu's countenance slowly shifted from curious to mournful, the lines around his eyes deepening. "Anakin Skywalker," he said in a slow, grief-stricken cadence.

Han glanced at Leia, saw the heartache where he would have preferred to see anything else; her suffering was immense to him.

"I knew the Jedi Knight known as Anakin Skywalker," Jaruu said quietly. His eyes drifted to the ground and stared pensively at nothing before he finally spoke again. "Of course, I was but a Padawan Learner in those days. I never had occasion to speak to Skywalker, but I knew of him, had seen him around the temple. He was well-known as being very powerful in the Force, quite possibly the most powerful Jedi of all time. All the Padawans were in awe of him." He smiled with a hint of nostalgia then grew serious again. "I was off-planet when the Jedi were destroyed. I was with my Master, Clorin. I had remained behind when he went off to fight with the Clone Troopers." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I felt his death, as if my heart were being wrenched from my chest."

In spite of himself, Han was riveted to the story. Before their time on Dagobah, he had given little thought to the history of the Jedi. Hearing Chewbacca speak of it, along with Leia's father's account of it, had been eye opening. Now, having watched Leia's journey in becoming a Jedi and discovering the truth of her birth, this new information was fascinating.

"And I felt his feelings of shock and betrayal," Jaruu continued. "I was quick to realize the Clones had turned on him. I didn't understand it, it had seemed unthinkable at the time. But, as time went on, I realized that Palpatine had been behind it." He sighed with deep regret.

"What did you do afterwards?" Luke asked.

He seemed to come back to himself at the question, eyes snapping back to Luke. "I went into hiding. I hid on a cargo ship, in one of the holds, to get off-planet. Then I wandered the galaxy for a time, lost and grief-stricken." He paused and gazed up at the heavens. "I decided I did not want to be around other sentient beings. It was too difficult, living with all these secrets while being around others, with them, yet alone. I came to Condordia, knowing the mountains were unpopulated." He turned and placed a hand on Salamir's flank, smiling. "That's when Salamir found me."

Han was jolted back to the present. "Why did he take Leia?"

Jaruu turned back to him. "Salamir is sensitive to the Force. He is drawn towards anyone who is strong in it. He shies away from those who are of the dark side. But, he is pulled towards the light. That is how he found me."

"Luke is strong in the Force as well," Leia said quietly.

Everyone's gaze turned to Luke, whose expression was sheepish. Jaruu's eyes lingered on him.

"I sense it now," he said curiously. "But…it seems almost…dormant."

Luke's eyes lowered and his mouth twisted to a grimace. "I had a…brush with the dark side. I don't feel…I should use the Force now."

Silence ensued. Han broke it.

"What'd he plan on doing with Leia?"

Jaruu's eyes swiveled to him. "Just enjoy her company, as he has been enjoying mine for many years."

Han's jaw tensed. "Yeah, well, he won't be enjoying hers much longer." He felt Leia squeeze his hip in admonishment, but didn't particularly care. He wanted to make it clear that they would not become permanent residents.

"Salamir doesn't force anyone to stay against their will."

"Well, he sure did take her against her will," Han countered.

Jaruu smiled serenely. "He knows no other way. If only he could speak." His expression grew suddenly somber. "But, I am glad he brought you all here. Leia tells me you are with the Rebellion."

Chewie grumbled thoughtfully as Luke replied.

"We are."

"There's something you should know." He looked at Leia. "I waited for your friends to arrive because I need you all to understand the gravity of what I am about to tell you."

Han glanced at Leia, found her as puzzled as he felt.

"What is it?" she asked, concern heavy in her voice.

He took a few steps in their direction and Salamir's head came up. "There is a new threat," he said simply. "It was here, on Concordia."

"What kind of threat?" Leia asked warily.

"The dark kind." Jaruu's voice was ominous. "Several weeks ago, Salamir grew agitated. I could see it in his stance and sense it inside him. Over the course of a day, he became increasingly upset and restless. He kept staring down the mountain, at what, I did not know. Finally, I hopped on his back and asked him to show me what was troubling him so. We flew down, within a kilometer of one of the mines."

His expression grew more harrowed and Han became suddenly uneasy.

"At first, I didn't understand." Jaruu stared into the dirt, as if seeing something disturbing there. "There were Mandalorian Death Watchers outside the mine, but I couldn't imagine why that would concern Salamir. Then, another Mandalorian came out, this one in red armor and a black cape." He shuddered briefly. "And then I felt it. His dark presence."

Gooseflesh prickled Han's arms and he felt Leia's entire form grow taut before the arm at his waist fell away. He cast her a glance and saw that she was pale.

"Who was he?" she asked, in a tone that suggested she already knew.

Han had a bad feeling about this.

"I have my suspicions. I do know he was strong in the dark side."

"What're your suspicions?" Han asked, unable to take the suspense any longer.

Jaruu's eyes remained on Han for a long moment, expression grave. "I believe he is the Emperor's new Sith Lord."

Chewie emitted a quiet, mournful howl while everyone else went silent and still. Leia looked stricken and Luke, scared.

"Never heard of a Mandalorian using the Force," Han finally said.

"There was a Mandalorian Jedi…a long, long time ago…" Jaruu's thoughts seemed to turn inward.

"Could he be the same person?" Luke asked.

Jaruu shook his head slowly. "No, he has been dead for a long time."

Han stared ahead without seeing and everyone was quiet for some time. This was bad news all the way around. Being rid of Vader had helped even the odds, even with the losses at Endor. Now, Vader had been replaced and that was just one more strike against them.

"It is late," Jaruu declared suddenly.

Han looked up at the star-glittered sky and wondered exactly when darkness had fallen.

"You would do best to spend the night here, rather than journey down the mountain in the dark. Tomorrow, we can talk more."


	7. Chapter 7: Turbulence

And now for a tender moment for our favorite couple, followed by some turbulence...

###

In the blackness of their shelter, Leia lay in silence, taking comfort in Han's large body wrapped around her smaller one. Still untrusting, Han had set up their tent as far away from the tree and the creature's lair as possible.

This new threat was disheartening. It seemed that every time they turned around, some new obstacle had been tossed in their path. Ever the persistent idealist, it was becoming hard even for Leia to keep from feeling defeated.

"We should report to the Fleet tomorrow," Han said quietly near her ear.

"Yes, that's what I was thinking," she said with a sigh. His arms became more secure around her and she could sense his concern. "I'm all right," she replied to the unspoken question.

"You always are," he drawled, a smile in his voice.

One side of her mouth quirked upwards.

"We should do this some time," he said matter-of-factly.

"Do what?" she asked.

"Sleep outside in the tent. By ourselves. Could be kinda romantic." He placed a soft, breathy kiss by her ear.

She was aware that he was trying to distract her, a common tactic that she found infinitely endearing. Without his lightheartedness, the worry would surely engulf her. "You certainly have a one-track mind."

"Hey, I gotta make up for those three years you kept me waiting."

In the darkness, she smiled and raised a hand behind her to cup his cheek. "I kept you waiting? You kept yourself waiting." His tongue flicked out and grazed her ear, sending a pleasurable shiver down her spine.

"How you figure that?" His voice was a low growl.

"You were supposed to make the first move. It took you three years."

"Who says I was supposed to make the first move?"

"Well, you're the ladies' man. I was an innocent."

"Mmm, now I'm just one lady's man. And you're not so innocent."

"No, you've made sure of that." She wondered suddenly where she would be without him and couldn't imagine it. He lightened her being like wings lifting her to soar above the clouds. For a self-proclaimed pessimist, he had somehow become the voice of encouragement. She needed that just now.

"You weren't so difficult to corrupt," he teased.

"That's only because scoundrels are so hard to resist."

"You did a pretty good job those three years."

Suddenly, she wished she could see his expression in the darkness. She turned on her side to face him and placed one arm behind his neck.

"Well, you don't know how hard it was. You made me angry all the time, but when I looked at you, I hated myself for finding you so gorgeous."

"Oh, really?"

She had a feeling he was going to hold on fiercely to this information for some time. "As if you didn't know."

"Well, I had a feeling." He snickered maddeningly.

"Of course you did." She was smiling whole-heartedly, until his lips descended unexpectedly, kissing her with more affection than passion. Leia relaxed into him, forgetting all else for a time.

Head on his shoulder, the sudden, unexpected news crept up on her again. He must have sensed her shift in mood somehow, as he kissed her gently yet firmly on the forehead.

"I wish Yoda were still alive. To help me figure out what to do."

"You'll figure it out on your own." All traces of good humor had vanished from his voice.

"I don't know, Han." She sighed. "It's been hard enough…now this. Vader, all over again."

"You beat Vader."

Leia hesitated. "Only because of Luke."

Han was silent but she could feel the resentment unfurling inside him again.

"You need to let go of this anger you have towards Luke," she said gently.

"No, I don't. I'm no Jedi."

"No. But, anger does no good." He said nothing, so Leia returned to her thoughts. Perhaps Han just needed more time.

The seemingly hopeless state of the galaxy was difficult enough to rally against. She supposed it had been somewhat naïve of her, but the last thing Leia had expected was a new Sith Lord. Where had the Emperor found him? Had he been waiting in the wings for the demise of Vader? Had Palpatine planned for that?

So many questions and no answers.

Han's breathing had grown deep and steady. He must have been exhausted after the ascent up the mountain.

How much longer would this war rage on? For a time, Leia had never expected to see the end of it during her lifetime. But, falling in love with Han, facing Vader, receiving the opportunity to destroy the second Death Star…that combination of events had given her hope for a brighter future.

Only to have it destroyed, as Endor had been.

And Alderaan…

Before Dagobah, fighting was all there was. Then suddenly, with Han, there had been more. Now, she wanted that. She wanted that future, for them to find a happy ending, where war was not their daily routine.

She took a deep breath through her nose. In the light of day, she knew she could rally herself to continue.

Snuggling deeper into Han's embrace, she concentrated on his slow, mediated breaths, trying to lull hers in time with his and find a peaceful night of rest.

###

Why Leia had insisted he accompany her to the debriefing with High Command, Han had no idea. He sat between Luke and her, aware of the disdain in his own posture.

After the battle of Endor, Han had decided that what mattered most to him was being at Leia's side. When he resigned his commission, he had rankled the higher-ups in the Alliance. Their consequential antipathy towards him did not faze him one bit. To her credit, Leia refrained from criticizing Han's callous attitude towards the Alliance's higher ranking officers.

"How do you know that this information is accurate?" Mon Mothma asked in a cool, careful voice.

"If there were any apparent deceit, I would have sensed it," Leia replied smoothly.

"I am not suggesting deceit. I am suggesting misinformation," she countered smoothly.

"I suppose that's possible," Leia said slowly. "But, I don't believe so."

"There's no question that this Mandalorian is some sort of threat," General Rieekan piped up. "The question is, is he really equal to that of Darth Vader?"

Han glanced around the table, finding the discussion tedious. The participants sparred back and forth until, finally, Han sat up straight in his chair and slammed his hands loudly on the table. He felt Luke startle beside him.

"The question is," he stated in a strong voice. "How do we get more information?" He paused for a moment. "There's no point talkin' about who, what, and how. Let's get answers." Talking was pointless; action yielded results.

The silence held for a long moment and Han was aware of the sneer on his face as General Madine eyed him. He leaned back and ignored him.

"Captain Solo is right," Leia said without missing a beat. "We need to decide how we can obtain more information."

Han smiled inwardly. He often wondered what they thought when Leia referred to him formally, as if they weren't sleeping together and everyone didn't know it.

Admiral Ackbar spoke for the first time, voice deep and rough. "We should access Crimson Wave."

"It's too risky," Rieekan replied. "We can't get in touch with Crimson Wave. There's no contact point."

"That needs to change," said Madine. "What's the point of Crimson Wave if we can't seek out the information we need?"

Han rolled his eyes. He remembered this argument from several years ago.

Madine continued. "I say we send a strike team to Concordia."

"The Death Watchers won't tell us anything," Rieekan countered. "They probably know little to begin with."

"It's a start," Madine replied.

Han glanced at Leia and saw the frustration beneath her cool exterior. He sighed and wondered when she would bring this drama to an end.

"We need undercover operatives," added Rieekan. "Someone subtle who will blend in."

"Subtlety has no place on Concordia," Madine argued.

"Not on Concordia, on Coruscant."

"We will find nothing on Coruscant," Ackbar said. "We would have to get inside the Palace itself."

"We can't possibly get into the Palace," Madine said.

Rieekan frowned. "I am aware of that. But, surely, there has been word in Imperial City—"

"Only Crimson Wave would be aware of—"

"Crimson Wave is useless!"

"With all due respect!" Leia spoke loudly into the cacophony of voices.

Everyone fell silent and wide eyes turned to Leia.

Her voice lowered. "With all due respect, the only one who can find the truth and confront it effectively is a Jedi. Therefore, I will take on this mission."

In the eyes of each member of High Command, Han saw varying degrees of opposition.

"Princess," Rieekan responded more quietly. "This is very risky. If this Mandalorian is anything like Vader, you can't take this chance."

A bit of anger flared inside Han at the way they underestimated Leia. But, he kept quiet, knowing she could handle herself.

"First of all," she replied, voice dead calm. "I would prefer to no longer be addressed as Princess. Second, if this Mandalorian is indeed a Force user, there is no one better to handle it than a Jedi. And third of all, I will not be going alone. I will be taking Captain Solo and Commander Skywalker with me."

Han smirked down at the table.

With a similarly cool voice, Mon Mothma turned to Leia. "Leia, it's not that I doubt your abilities. But, your leadership skills are needed here."

One eyebrow rose. "Why? So I can join you in endless debates about what is the best course of action? I'm sorry, Mon, but I think I can contribute more than that."

"You're too important to the Rebellion," said Rieekan.

Leia flashed him a bitter smile. "No one is too important. A true leader lays her life on the line no differently than that of the soldiers serving beneath her. I am no hypocrite. This is something only I can do. I won't risk the lives of others knowing that this is my responsibility."

Han glanced at Luke. His eyes were on the table but his expression was pensive.

"I implore you, Leia," Mon said quietly. "Allow us to gather intelligence before you run off and risk yourself."

"I appreciate your concern." Leia's voice was passionless. "But, I know what I need to do. It's my decision to make and nothing will change my mind. We will leave for Mandalore in the morning."

"Mandalore?" Akcbar echoed.

"Yes." Her voice was as self-possessed as Han had ever heard it. "I sense that is where we will find answers."

With that, she stood, turned on her heel, and strode from the room without a backwards glance. Smiling to himself, Han followed, Luke quickly on his heels.

His long legs were quick to catch up with her before the corridor ended. The group stopped walking and formed a tight circle. Han could see the tension in her form, the hardness in her jaw.

"I don't know how you stand all that pointless bickering back there," Han said in a caustic tone.

"I was a senator, remember?" Leia replied darkly. She turned to her brother. "Luke, refresh your supplies, get some rest, and meet us on the Falcon at 0600 hours."

"Got it." Luke nodded to her and walked away with a grim smile.

Her expression gentled when she turned back to Han. "Are you up to leaving first thing in the morning?"

He smirked. "You know me. I'm up for anything."

She smiled but her eyes remained troubled. Han's smirk melted to a compassionate smile as he stepped closer and pulled her into his arms. They remained that way for a long moment, in their own private cocoon of comfort, oblivious when fellow Rebels strolled by.


	8. Chapter 8: Heaven and Earth

Someone had asked how long this fic is and i forgot to answer. It's 25 to 30 chapters.

Time for a little reprieve from the action...

###

At the quiet whisper of the door sliding aside, Han looked up from his pilot's seat, where he was performing a diagnostic to be certain that the Falcon was ready to fly in the morning. Leia came through quietly, dressed in a casual black jumpsuit that would attract no special attention, other than from the human males whose heads would surely turn at the sight of her. It was tight-fitting and hugged her in all the right places.

His eyes quickly lit on her face, which still contained a mild look of dread. He frowned.

"You all right?"

"Mm." She nodded distractedly, staring over his shoulder at the diagnostic readout as if she were worried something might be amiss; it was an understandable concern that he tried not to resent.

"Everything checks out so far," he assured her.

Her hands moved to her hips and she nodded again. Han decided she needed a mood booster. He reached for her hand and pulled her gently into his lap. The gesture seemed to bring her back to herself; she smiled at him warmly and placed her arms about his shoulders.

"Hey, we're alone," he said in a deep, low timbre.

Her eyebrows rose. "That we are."

"This is the first time that's happened in a while."

"What about Chewie?"

His arms tightened around her and he gestured with his chin towards the door. "Think you can use the Force to lock it?"

Her eyes berated him, but her lips struggled not to curve upwards. With the quick flash of a finger, Han heard a light click.

"Nice." He winked with a crooked grin. He pulled her more closely against him, hands moving smoothly down her back as she turned slightly in his arms to wind one leg around him until she was straddling him. One hand moved to brush stray strands of hair from his forehead and her eyes seemed to study him intently, thoughtfully.

"What?" he asked with an innocent air.

She gazed at him wistfully for a moment longer. "I was just thinking about how much we've changed."

"Hey, speak for yourself," he replied smugly. "I'm the same gorgeous scoundrel I've always been."

She smiled and the mood was instantly altered, lightened. "Hmm, I seem to remember a mercenary who claimed allegiances to no one. And nothing." Her voice and eyes were both soft.

He grinned brightly. "I haven't changed much. I only have one allegiance now." He pulled her legs sharply forward until her heat was against him, igniting an instant fire throughout his body. He felt himself stiffen in response.

Her answering grin warmed him further. "Oh, and what is this allegiance to?"

His hands slid slowly up her thighs, her stomach, until they reached her breasts, where they began to knead gently. He shifted his mouth close to hers and spoke in a deep whisper. "My allegiance is strictly to your body." Her hands glided beneath his collar and across his shoulders, the warmth of her touch sending a tiny shiver through him. He gave a gentle squeeze to her nipples and her sharp intake of breath excited him even more.

He watched her expression as her eyes drifted across his features; the scar beneath his lower lip, his nose, forehead, and finally his eyes. There was something akin to wonder in her gaze and it cut him to the quick with a deep ache in his chest. The intensity of his feelings for Leia often overwhelmed him. In the beginning, he had shied away from it, an intimacy he had never known and found it difficult to trust. In time, she had shown him that the depth of his feelings did not need to make him feel more alone. Instead, they were stronger together.

He answered the look in her eyes by placing one hand against her cheek and drawing her into a kiss. Mouths clasped, tongues melded, the only sound in the silence of the cockpit was that of their quickening breath and quiet, unbidden moans.

A hazy fog of passion billowed and settled around them, obliterating all else. Their clothes were hastily lost, fingers stroking skin, tongues exploring each other, familiar and yet still utterly enthralling. They lost themselves for a time, drifting to a crescendo, until there was only stillness and repletion.

Harsh breath intermingling, they remained in place, Leia astride him, lips barely touching. She lowered her forehead against his, wallowing in the sweet aftermath, unwilling to let reality intrude and put an end to the oasis that saved them from their sorrows.

Han allowed his hands to graze her back, shoulders, down her arms. She burrowed into him suddenly and he wrapped his arms around her, cradling her close.

"I love you," she breathed into his neck, an odd intensity coloring her voice.

He squeezed her more tightly, feeling the weight of the galaxy as it crashed down around them once more, shattering the intimate shelter that saved him from a lifetime of random wanderings. If not for Leia, he would be nowhere. When he allowed himself to acknowledge that, he knew how lucky he was to have her.

"I love you, too." His voice came out a hoarse whisper and he sighed through his nose, eyes closing.

They remained just so, until they could no longer pretend that there was nothing but each other and the galaxy was not in a state of despair.

###

 _Sharp pain pricked the skin of her arm and Leia jolted in the near-darkness outside the Massassi Temple. The tiny, black bird that flitted near her elbow had a long, protruding beak and she tried to bat it away with a hand. It darted to the side with lightning speed and avoided the blow._

 _Glaring at the small pest, she rubbed the sore spot on her arm and her hand came away with a drop of blood. Before she could peer down to examine the wound, the small, pulsating wings found the opposite elbow and a squeak spurted from her lips as she was pricked again._

 _A sliver of anger zipped through her as she rubbed the offended elbow, a fresh spate of blood smearing her hand. In a flash, a second bird appeared, its razor sharp beak dipping in front of her nose. She waved it away and it quickly flew behind her as the first bird still flitted to and fro. Before she could think, two more tiny birds descended from the trees, causing Leia to sigh in frustration._

Leia.

 _She heard Han's voice, as if from a distance, and turned in a complete circle, searching for him. She didn't see him and wondered if she had imagined his voice._

 _A prick on her leg and, when she startled into a spin, she saw that several more birds had somehow appeared from nowhere. Two birds nipped her at once, one on the hand and one on her cheek, and suddenly, a sliver of alarm spiked inside her. Rubbing the slick warmth from her cheek, her head tipped to the sky._

 _Fear rushed through her, a sharp dip to her stomach and a surge of adrenaline in her veins._

 _Blackness surged down from the sky, a stream of tiny birds obscuring the light azure of the sky. And, in a sudden rush, they descended upon her, knocking her to the ground in a frenzy of brisk wings and stinging beaks._

 _She cried out in pain as they nipped at her everywhere at once, tiny bites like razor-sharp teeth ripping her skin. Arms and legs raging against them, her efforts seemed futile as the creatures continued their attack against her flesh._

Leia!

 _Han's voice, more urgent now, but where was he? She could see nothing but the blackness darting around her faster than her eyes could track, could feel nothing but the piercing of her skin, everywhere, all at once._

 _Coherent thought fled and there was nothing but blackness and pain._

Leia!

 _She barely registered Han's voice and now, she couldn't breathe! The darkness crowded her lungs and stole her breath! What was happening?!_

Leia! Leia!

 _She tried to scream for him but her throat was closed and sheer terror burst through her as the burning pains flew across her body, neverending as she writhed on the ground beneath the onslaught._

With a jolt, air suddenly shot into her mouth, down her throat, into her lungs, and Leia sat bolt upright, disoriented and terrified, breathing deeply. Eyes flying everywhere, she realized abruptly that she was on the Falcon, in their bunk. Relief flooded her and she greedily sucked in air, heart throbbing in her chest.

In spite of the realization that she had only been plagued by a nightmare, she ran her hands over her arms, reassuring herself that she was safe. There was nothing; no bites, no blood. There were no birds pecking at her flesh.

With a hand to her chest, she tried to slow her breathing, swallowing the irrational fear that still pounded in her veins.

A low, anguished moan sounded beside her and Leia glanced down at Han. In the low light of the glow panel, she could just make out his tormented expression.

"Leia!" Her name was mumbled but urgent. "Nooo…" The low whine trailed off.

Still confused, she placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him gently. "Han." The sound of her own, strangled voice seemed so loud to her ears.

He sucked in a breath and gritted his teeth together. Leia shook him harder.

"Han! You're dreaming, wake up!"

"No!" His eyes popped wide open, mouth agape, ready to shout yet again. He looked around wildly, trying to orient himself.

"It's okay," Leia said soothingly, in spite of her own pounding heart. "You were dreaming. It's okay."

He sat up, eyes pouring over her, making certain that she was all right. He took both of her arms and examined them closely before meeting her gaze, expression still bewildered and afraid. Then, he breathed a long, hard sigh of relief and clutched her against him.

In his embrace, her own distress slowly began to fade. It was so much easier to let go of her own negative feelings when she needed to focus on Han.

When their breathing began to slow, Han pulled back just enough to look at her. He ran one hand over her cheek and she smiled to reassure him. He sighed again and laid back against the pillow, gently pulling her to follow. Leia curled her body into his.

"Birds," he mumbled.

Her decreasing anxiety rose back up a notch and she tipped her head to peer up at him. "What?"

"I was dreaming you were being attacked by birds." His tone was almost back to normal.

She blinked and took a moment to form words. "That was my dream."

"Huh?"

"I dreamed I was being attacked by birds."

"When?"

"Just before I woke you up."

His head angled down sharply to meet her eyes and his mouth fell open. "That's what I was dreaming. Black birds."

Leia swallowed, unnerved. "Yes. Black birds."

They stared at each other, bewildered.

"I was on Yavin IV—"

"In front of the temple," Han finished for her.

"Yes," she whispered breathlessly. After a long silence in which they regarded each other dubiously, Leia spoke with hesitation. "I could hear you calling me." At a loss, she stared dumbly.

Han sat up and Leia followed, the sheet falling away and covering her from the knees down.

"I was behind the trees," he said slowly. "Trying to get to you, but I couldn't move. Like I was frozen."

"I woke up and you were calling for me. You sounded scared." _Because of the birds._ She suppressed a shiver.

Dumbfounded, they continued to look at each other, uncertain what to think.

"Think this is some Force thing?" he asked slowly.

Leia hesitated. "I don't know.

Han's eyes fell away to stare at nothing. He looked more disconcerted than she had seen him in some time.

"I suppose," she began reluctantly. "Since I can sense you through the Force, I could sense your fear in the dream. But, to be…essentially in your dream…I don't know," she finished weakly. If only Yoda were still around to guide her.

"Well, how do you know you were in my dream? Maybe I was in your dream."

She frowned thoughtfully. "That makes less sense."

He shrugged with an oddly innocent expression.

"It can't be just a coincidence," Leia insisted.

"Probably not."

"It must be the Force."

Han just looked at her. When nothing more was said, he laid back down, still pensive. Leia lowered herself to lean against his chest but found that all pretense of sleep had fled.

Lost in thought for a time, she suddenly realized Han had become completely silent. "What are you thinking?" He didn't answer immediately and the hesitation gnawed at her.

"That every time I think I'm gettin' the hang of this Force stuff, it throws some new kinda crazy my way."

A hint of unease trilled inside her and she couldn't decide how to respond. After a long pause, she asked, "Are you upset?"

"No."

She sensed he was not lying. "Then what?" she asked cautiously."

"I'm...confused. And I guess a little freaked out."

"I feel the same way." She suppressed a sigh. "I would like to say I'll try not to let it happen again. But, I don't know how it happened to begin with." Biting the inside of her lip, she tried to decide what to say next. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"It's not your fault." There was a smile in his voice and it made Leia feel a bit better.

"I wish I had more answers." She bit her lip again, an occasional concern suddenly gaining more weight in her mind. She forced a casual, jocular tone. "Maybe you would be better off with a more normal woman." It was something she sometimes worried about but found it difficult to voice. Now was the perfect time, but Leia couldn't say it with anything but a teasing tone. She was too afraid of his response.

He shifted aside to look at her but she avoided his gaze, trying hard not to imagine the loss of his warmth from her life.

His voice was low and serious with just a hint of teasing. "Now, why would I want a normal woman when I have an extraordinary one?"

Her eyes flew to his in an instant. A grateful smile sprung to her lips. His head bent to kiss her forehead and her eyes fell shut. The soft brush of his lips against her skin flooded her with emotion. He squeezed his arm more tightly around her.

Relaxed again, her head on his shoulder, Leia felt a measure of relief, yet still couldn't banish the thoughts from her mind.

"Don't you ever think about how life would be so much easier if you weren't running around the galaxy with your Jedi girlfriend?"

"Nope."

"Never?"

"Never."

She was pleased yet not mollified. "Why not?"

He shifted again, and Leia slipped from his shoulder as he turned on his side to face her. Head on the pillow, she gazed up at him warily.

His elbow bent and he rested his head in his hand. "Sweetheart, you've known me a long time. Have you ever known me to take the easy way?" His mouth settled into that disarming, crooked grin.

She couldn't help smiling in return, as she reached up to place a hand across the nape of his neck.

Unexpectedly, his expression sobered, eyes intent on hers. "There's nowhere else I wanna be," he murmured.

Leia felt a slight, poignant sting of tears and blinked them away. Oh, how this man affected her; he always had. She pulled him down and kissed him, long and slow, her heart overflowing.

Their lips parted slowly, almost reluctantly. Her eyes took in his features, so handsome to her still, as they had been the first time she really looked at him, on the Death Star.

"You are beautiful," she whispered. "Inside and out."

He looked momentarily taken aback, chagrined by the unexpected compliment. His eyes ducked from hers and he almost seemed to flush pink. Leia suppressed the laugh that bubbled to her lips.

Still avoiding her gaze, his hand grazed down her stomach, pausing suddenly at her navel, fingers tickling.

Leia yelped and slapped his hand away as Han snickered, eyes twinkling. The reflective moment was broken and she knew that had been his intention. For all his bluster, Leia knew that he was more modest than anyone might expect. She had realized, quite some time ago, that his overweening posturing was simply a cover for the ways in which he doubted himself. He overplayed the things he knew were his strong points: his ability to pilot and shoot, his courage.

But, Leia knew, deep down, that his background, his solitary childhood and the lack of love during his formative years had left him feeling unworthy and unwilling to trust any type of intimate connection and love.

She felt very lucky to be the one person who had drawn him out, so unwittingly. And now, she so wanted to give him all the love he had never had.

With a playful shove to his shoulder, she smiled at him adoringly and yanked him down to her, placing her arms tightly around his neck. They settled down, all traces of nightmares and darkness erased from their thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9: Options

Some new info and some surprises...especially for Leia ;)

###

The inside of Infusion was dark and not much different from any other bar or cantina Leia had been in. There were the usual, shady clientele, the long bar in the middle of the vast room, and holonet displays everywhere one looked. Some holos were of exotic, female dancers, some were of sports matches, and some were of local and intergalactic news. These provided most of the illumination throughout the huge, crowded room.

Han and Leia were seated in a circular booth, backs to the wall, across from a human male who lived there in Slovia, the domed city on Mandalore where they currently sought information.

She glanced several tables over to where Luke and Chewie sat, innocently sipping drinks, surreptitiously watching and waiting.

In her black jumpsuit with the sleeveless, gray, hooded cloak over it to conceal her lightsaber, Leia found herself enjoying the role of a simple woman at Han's side. She curled into the nook of his arm, affecting a disinterested façade and sipping from the shared mug of Corellian Ale. She enjoyed watching Han in this element; it reminded her of who he was when she met him and how much he had changed. And she couldn't deny that his cool, aloof exterior was kind of sexy.

The man Han feigned a casual conversation with was named Chiatta and he had been a cadet at the Imperial Academy in Mandalore's Capitol of Sundari. Leia listened to every nuance of conversation while pretending not to.

As Han motioned to their server to bring them another pitcher of ale, Chaitta leaned back and ran a hand over his close-cropped, brown hair. He was young, brash, and bitter. Leia couldn't help but wonder if Han had been like him when he was terminated from the Imperial Navy.

"I totally agree," Han said after the server had nodded acknowledgement. "All those academics got nothin' to do with fightin'."

"Exactly!" The younger man exclaimed with vehemence. His eyes were a bit glassy. "Why did I have to pass all those exams?"

Having heard the tale that he was caught cheating and expelled from the Academy, Leia directed her smile of amusement at Han, running a hand across his chest as if he were her only focus.

"It's ridiculous." He gave a slight smile as a new pitcher of ale was placed in the middle of the table.

Graciously, Han poured them each another round.

"Thanks, pal," Chaitta said with a terse salute.

Han tossed him an easy grin in return. "I know what you're sayin', Man. I remember when I signed up to take the Corellian Security Force exam. There was all this stuff on it that didn't matter at all and I was never gonna need."

His gruff outrage made her wonder if this were an actual true story. There was still so much of Han's past that she knew nothing about.

"Exactly!" Chiatta downed some of his ale and slammed his mug on the counter, some of the contents sloshing sloppily onto the table. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Did they make you take more tests once you got in?"

Han leaned forward conspiratorially, folding his hands together. "I failed the entrance exam," he confided in a low voice. He grinned and his new companion laughed a bit too loudly.

He banged a fist on the table. "See what I mean! They missed out on a smart, capable guy like you just cause they have to include all that banthashit that nobody needs to know!"

Under the table, Leia squeezed Han's thigh and he responded by placing a hand over hers.

A human woman approached the table, breasts almost popping out of the white, low-cut, sleeveless shirt she wore above her tight-fitting, tan pants. She leaned low over the table, and even Leia saw nothing else but her bosom jutting out at them.

"Who are your friends?" she asked Chiatta.

Leia glanced at Han, very aware of where his eyes fell on the tall, blonde woman.

"Hey, Lena," Chiatta said casually. "This is Malor." He gestured to Han then looked at Leia for the first time in a while. "What was your name again, Honey?"

"Tess," Leia replied dryly.

"Yeah, Tess." He smiled up at Lena.

"It's great to meet you both," Lena practically purred.

Leia resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the woman's obviousness. How did men fall for this?

The woman slid into the booth next to her and Leia felt her hackles raise instantly.

"I was just telling Malor here how I got kicked outta the Academy," Chiatta informed her.

Lena reached across and placed a hand over Chiatta's, stroking it slowly. "You poor thing. That was so unfair." She withdrew her hand and turned back towards Leia. She jostled her shoulder lightly. "Don't you think that was unfair, Tess?"

"Very." They didn't have time for this flirtatious nonsense.

"Where are you from?" the woman asked brightly.

"Commenor."

"I was born right here on Mandalore. Born and raised."

 _Lovely,_ Leia thought to herself.

Chiatta's attention returned to Han. "I gotta tell ya, it almost makes me wish for the old days of Mandalore. Before we became peaceful." He snorted. "Bet back then they didn't care about test results."

Appalled, Leia held her tongue, but before she could give it much thought, the woman beside her spoke again.

"What brings you to Mandalore?"

Irritated, she barely remembered that she was pretending to be a similar type of woman. "I go where he goes." She inclined her head to her right.

"You make a beautiful couple," she said in a throaty whisper.

Taken aback, Leia suppressed a frown. "Thank you."

"Your hair is so long. I love it!" She reached out and fondled the single, long braid that cascaded down Leia's back.

Irritated to realize she had lost the thread of conversation going on before her, she reached for the mug between Han and herself and took a long swallow. When she replaced it on the table, she saw Han lift it to his lips.

The woman's breathy voice was suddenly beside her ear. "I like you. What do you say we take your man and get out of here, have a good time?"

On her other side, mid-sip, Han suddenly choked and sputtered on his ale, as Leia tried to process the meaning of the woman's words. As she glanced at Han to make sure he was all right, realization dawned and Leia felt her face grow hot. Han was coughing and Leia groped for a response.

Eyes remaining steadily on the tabletop, Leia's voice came out haltingly. "I…no. Just…no." She heard Han clear his throat repeatedly, then become quiet.

A low trill of laughter met her ears. "That's too bad." Her fingers reached up and stroked Leia's cheek gently. "If you change your mind…I'll be around." She stood and glided away silently.

When Leia looked up at Han, face still burning, she found him laughing silently. She glared at him menacingly while her blush increased.

"Don't mind Lena," Chiatta said from across the table. "She's like that with everyone."

Now, Han chuckled aloud and Leia avoided his gaze but kicked him under the table. It yielded no response, but his laughter trickled away to nothing and he turned back to their companion.

"If you're lookin' for something less…structured…" Han's voice lowered and his eyes darted around the room. "There's always the Death Watchers."

"Oh, no way, Man. Those bastards are crazy. Ain't nothing they won't do."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You don't wanna get involved with them."

Han leaned forward and folded his hands on the table. Leia took the hint and turned her head away, pretending to be preoccupied with the nearest holo. Han's voice lowered and she could barely make out his words.

"I hear they got someone new in charge."

"The Death Watchers? Where'd you hear that?"

"Around."

"I don't know about that." He paused. "But, there was someone at the Academy, dressed in Mandalorian armor. Very creepy."

Something sinister crawled up Leia's spine.

"Who was it?" Han asked nonchalantly.

"I dunno. He showed up a few times when I was still there. Didn't speak, just watched. We were all a little freaked out by him." Abruptly, he switched gears. "I'm still trying to decide what to do with myself now. I'm almost considerin' goin' off-planet."

Leia tuned him out completely. There was the connection. A Mandaorian at the Imperial Academy. What could that be about?

Chiatta droned on for some time, with nothing of interest to say. Just as Leia was growing impatient, Han began to excuse them and, before long, the two men shook hands and parted ways. With an arm around Leia, Han gave the signal to Luke and Chewie. It was time to return to the Falcon and figure this situation out.


	10. Chapter 10: Curiosity

Thank you to all who are reading/following/reviewing! :) A little down time for Han and Leia then back to the action and Jedi Leia!

###

In the main hold of the Millennium Falcon, they sat at the game table, sharing a late dinner of Rycrit Stew, one of the few freeze dried meals in the ship's galley. Han had just finished telling the others what he had learned from his conversation with Chiatta. Leia picked at her food in silence and waited until Han was finished recounting the liaison.

When Han had recounted the conversation, everyone was momentarily quiet. Chewie was the first to voice what everyone was thinking.

"I tend to think yes. This mysterious Mandalorian is the threat that Jaruu spoke of," Leia said softly, unease brewing in her chest.

"It makes sense," Luke observed. "Like pieces forming a puzzle. We just have to find the rest of the pieces."

"I say we take a look at the Academy. From a distance, of course." Han looked at each of them in turn.

Chewbacca growled agreement then shoveled more stew into his mouth.

Leia simply nodded. There was some underlying disturbance nagging at the back of her mind, but she wasn't sure what it was. She listened silently as they finalized the details for approaching the Academy.

Han placed one arm around her waist and gently pulled her closer. "You all right?" he murmured near her ear.

She nodded and smiled distractedly, seeing in his eyes that he didn't believe her but wouldn't push the issue.

The evening ended earlier than usual, which Leia was glad for. Luke offered to load the dishes into the recycler and Han and Leia retired to their cabin. She flung the shirt over her head then sat down hard on the bunk, shirt bundled in her hands, forehead tense.

Han unstrapped the holster from his thigh and placed it on the bedside table then began unfastening the front of his shirt.

"What's goin' on?" he asked with deliberate concern.

The question broke her distant gaze and she met his eyes. "I just have a very bad feeling about…all of this."

He dropped the shirt from his shoulders and it fell to the floor, but Leia barely noticed. "We'll get to the bottom of it all."

Her brow rose. "That's what I'm afraid of."

He gave her an encouraging smile as he unfastened his pants. Leia stood with a long, loud sigh and removed her bra as Han's pants fell to the floor to join his shirt. He kicked both items away from his feet.

After removing her own pants, she absentmindedly picked up all the clothes and began folding them. Han seated himself at his desk and began fiddling with a piece of electronic equipment and Leia wondered vaguely if it were some component of the Falcon's innards. There was always something to be fixed and Han seemed to constantly have some project or other on hand. Her thoughts shifted away from their troubles.

"That man tonight made me wonder about you," she said as she placed the folded clothes on a storage compartment.

Han turned to glance at her over his shoulder and Leia's eyes roved over bare muscle. "Chiatta?"

"Yes."

His eyebrows lowered swiftly. "Why?"

"It made me think of your discharge from the Navy."

"Oh." The inflection fled his voice and he turned back to his task.

She watched him thoughtfully as he picked up a carbon chisel and began to dig at the scoring on the piece in his hand. After a moment, she went behind him and placed her hands lightly on his shoulders, as if the soft approach might yield results. If she caught him in the right moment, she knew he might open up.

"Did you feel the way he does?" she asked in a gentle tone." After you left the Navy?"

The movements of his shoulders rippled beneath her fingers as he attacked the carbon scoring. She stared down at the back of his head as he remained silent for a long moment.

"Kinda," he said in a dull monotone.

Her thumb absently stroked the back of his neck. "Of course, you were expelled for an honorable reason."

He snorted. "They didn't think so."

"Of course not," she countered quietly. "That's why the Empire needs to be destroyed." She bent and placed a quick, open-mouthed kiss at the nape of his neck, felt the tiny shiver that flew through him, bringing a small smile to her lips. The slightest things about him still imbued such deep emotion inside her. She wondered if that would ever change then decided she didn't want it to. It felt too wonderful, lightening the weight of the galaxy that was a constant weight on her shoulders. Her love for Han felt like hope, something she desperately needed. "I would imagine being angry to be a normal reaction to the situation."

"Yeah. Well." He continued to slowly remove the carbon scoring. "I was pissed. And I didn't know what I was gonna do next. The Navy was all I'd ever planned for."

She smiled to herself. There was nothing she loved more than when he talked to her, _really_ talked to her. "And now you suddenly had a companion."

He huffed a harsh breath. "Yeah. And no choice in the matter."

Leia tried to picture a young Han Solo, fresh from the Navy, angry and defiant, trying to escape the company of this giant Wookiee who would not let him go. One night, when Chewie and she had been alone, the Wookiee had told her about his first few months with the stubborn Corellian. He had spoken with quiet affection of the numerous times Han had tried to give him the slip, while Chewie would have none of it and kept tracking him down. It had taken him more than a year to truly earn Han's trust. But, once he had it, it was unshakable.

Chewbacca had never truly believed that Han was the uncaring, brash loner he presented to the galaxy. He had instantly sensed something underneath the façade, recognizing that someone who would risk all to save a being he did not know must have much honor deep down.

His sense of honor had not been so visible to Leia. Three years of mixed messages, misunderstandings, and posturing had left her confused and conflicted. Glimpses of a caring nature shone through often, only to be contrasted by his sharp, aloof denial. From the moment she heard his voice over the comm at the Battle of Yavin and she realized he had returned to aid them, she had felt hope for him, had wanted to believe in him. But, not until Dagobah had she been able to see the deeply caring man he truly was.

"Worked out for the best though, didn't it?" she asked softly.

He grinned at her over his shoulder. "Can't deny that."

Leia smiled back and sensed a shift in his mood.

He turned back to his work and spoke with more inflection. "Yeah, I suddenly had this big, furry conscience hangin' around."

His words made Leia grin to herself. Leia knew, from Han himself, that Chewie's haranguing was what had contributed to his return at Yavin. His co-pilot had tipped the scales in her favor, putting an end to Han's internal struggle.

It was all he had really needed; for someone to nudge him into being the good man he was. Leia often wondered how he would have turned out had he had family, people surrounding him who loved and encouraged him. Then again, she would not wish to change him; she loved the man he was.

"This one time, Chewie and me were running this shipment," Han said in a relaxed tone. "We got to the delivery point and we saw that the group we were supposed to give the shipment to had been taken by pirates. I wanted to high-tail it outta there. But, Chewie wouldn't hear of it. We sat there and argued forever, it seemed." He gave a short, low laugh and went silent.

Smiling, Leia waited until she realized he didn't plan to say more. "So, what happened?" she asked anxiously.

"Oh. Well, you know, when Chewie gets somethin' in his head, that's it. Damn stubborn Wookiee!"

Leia stifled a giggle. _Oh, yes,_ she thought. _Chewie is the stubborn one._

"So, ya know, I finally gave in. We almost got killed, but we rescued them from the pirates."

"So, you were in the business of rescuing people long before you met me," she chided.

Han turned slightly in his chair, hands suddenly still. He tossed her a sardonic look with a roll of his eyes then turned back to what he was doing.

Smiling, Leia crossed the small cabin and sat on the bed, watching the steady movement of Han's hands manipulating the chisel. Her mind returned to their meeting in the bar, that awkward, startling encounter.

"Han?"

"Hm?"

"Have you ever had sex with multiple partners? I mean, at the same time?"

His widened eyes flew to hers. He smirked with a glint in his eye. "Sorry, Sweetheart. That information is classified."

"Oh, come on. Why is it a big deal?"

"You tell me. You're the one askin'." He replaced the chisel on the table and examined the part in his hand.

Mildly frustrated, she frowned at him. "I'm going to have to assume the answer is yes. Otherwise, you would just tell me no."

"Hey, assume whatever you'd like." He picked up another small tool, inserted it, and began to turn it with one hand.

"You think I'm so innocent." She frowned at him.

He flashed that crooked grin, which could alternately be charming or irritating. At the moment, it was the latter.

"You're askin' me this question. So, yeah." His eyes returned to the part in his hand.

"You think I would be shocked if you told me that, yes, you had?"

He stopped what he was doing, placed both the part and the tool aside, and looked at her pointedly. "Honestly? Yes."

"Well," she said, haughty and defensive. "Perhaps you don't know me as well as you think you do."

"You were pretty shocked when she propositioned you."

"That's because I'd never been propositioned like that before. I didn't expect it."

His brow rose but he said nothing. One hand returned to hold the part he had abandoned, but he didn't pick it up.

"Do you really think me so naïve?" she asked with a raise of one eyebrow. "That I don't know these things happen? You would be surprised at what I know."

Leaving the part behind, he abruptly stood and came to stand in front of her, carbon covered hands dangling at his sides.. A teasing smile curled his lips and his voice was a deep rumble. "Okay, Sweetheart. Regale me with all your knowledge."

Leia gave Han a sour look. "Stop making fun of me."

The corners of his mouth pulled further upwards, as if he were trying not to laugh. "I'm not making fun of you."

"I thought we had no secrets from each other."

"You consider this a secret?" The smile had faded, replaced with disbelief.

"Yes." She crossed her arms over her chest.

He sighed heavily. "Why do you wanna know?"

Leia paused, searching herself. Why _was_ she pursuing this, when clearly he didn't want to discuss it? With a sigh, she finally said. "It's just one more thing I don't know about you."

His mouth bunched to one side and he ran a hand through his hair. "You know more about me than anyone." He sighed in resignation. "Okay, you really wanna know?"

Leia nodded stoically.

"Okay." He came and sat beside her on the bunk, carefully keeping his hands clasped. "So, yeah. I did. Okay?" His tone was defensive.

She stared back at him, expressionless. "And?"

His face contorted in disbelief. "What do you mean, _and?_ "

"Did you like it?"

He quickly stood and raised both hands, as if to ward off the conversation. "I am not doing this." He strode towards the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked with a small jolt of alarm.

He turned back and proffered his hands. "To wash my hands" he said, as if it were obvious.

She watched him walk out in his gray undershorts.

Han had never spoken much about the women in his past. She knew there were plenty, as per his reputation as a ladies' man. His colored past had always nagged at the back of her mind, quite the contrast to her lack of experience when she had met him.

When they first came together, Leia had been so overwhelmed and traumatized that it had been the last thing on her mind. Over time, feelings of inadequacy had intruded sporadically, but she had clamped them down and pushed them away.

With sudden resolve, Leia stood, opened a storage compartment, and withdrew one of Han's long, white shirts. She threw it over her head and left the cabin, headed for the refresher.

When the door slid open, Han looked up with mild surprise from the sink where he was scrubbing the grease from his hands. Leia offered a small smile. Han's returning expression was impossible for her to read. She put the lid down on the toilet and sat, peering up at him expectantly.

He spared her the briefest of glances while vigorously scouring his hands beneath the spray of water.

"I'm sorry if my question made you uncomfortable," she said over the rush of water.

He gave a noncommittal grunt but didn't look up.

It amazed Leia that she could have all the confidence in the galaxy as a leader, a Jedi, a soldier, and a diplomat…yet, her feelings for this one man could still bring her to her knees. He was both her greatest strength and her harshest weakness.

Her head remained raised but her eyes dropped to stare at something far away that wasn't even there. "You know, sometimes I think about the life you led before we met. How you went wherever you wanted, from one end of the galaxy to the other. How you treasured your freedom."

She heard the electronic sound of the water being shut off and peripherally saw Han turn and grab a towel from the rack behind him. He turned back to her as his hands batted the towel back and forth.

"And then I think about how different your life is now," Leia continued. "How you've given that freedom up for me. And how monotonous the daily reality of war can be, punctuated here and there by moments of action." Her voice grew softer, more doubtful and self-conscious. "And I wonder how long it will take for you to decide this life isn't enough for you. That _I'm_ not enough for you."

Han promptly tossed the towel onto the sink and lowered to his knees before her.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he said with gentle urgency. He paused just long enough for Leia's gaze to connect with his. "I stuck around for three years when you offered me nothing. Now that you've given me everything, why would I leave?"

His words resounded inside her and a warm, tingly feeling descended across her skin. Her eyes softened and her brow rose.

"And how could you ever not be enough for me?" he continued. "You are…" he grinned widely. "The most exciting…beautiful…" He shook his head, eyes sparkling. " _More than enough_ woman I could ever imagine."

The sudden knot in her throat took Leia by surprise, as did the slight sting of tears. She smiled gratefully and took his face in her hands. It was amazing how, this man who claimed not to be a man of words, could so often find something to say that could move her so.

He kissed her and Leia opened her senses to his, felt the rush of fierce love he had for her, the way his spirit answered hers.

Just like that, all was right again.


	11. Chapter 11: Repercussions

Things are about to get interesting for our heroes. Hope you enjoy :)

###

 _We all make mistakes,_

 _You might fall on your face,_

 _But you gotta get up!_

 _-Conqueror, Estelle and Jesse Smollett_

With a stealthy prowess, Chewbacca had climbed up to the higher branches and now perched just below Leia, who had used the Force to jump to that height. From that vantage point, they watched the proceedings on the grounds in front of the Imperial Academy. Peering through a pair of macrobinoculars, Leia was bored by the endless drills the cadets performed in synchronized rows. She hoped this was not a waste of valuable time.

She lowered the binocs and searched below but could not see Han or Luke. Reaching outward, she sensed them both: Han, wary and anxious; Luke, cautious and hopeful. Raising the binocs, she renewed her vigil, leaving herself open to any ripple in the Force.

She tried not to focus on the discomfort of her position between the branches; the way the hard bark dug into the backs of her thighs, or how uncomfortable her left foot was, propped against the lower branch.

Something tugged at her and there was a sudden, slow swell in the Force, something that seemed to unfurl dark, rancid feelers that reached out to scour and tarnish the shimmer in the Force that Leia was always able to sense. Her heart seemed to cease beating for a breathless moment, as if something in the Force had just squeezed it tightly enough to steal her breath. She tensed between the branches, abruptly unaware of her physical discomfort.

The inner being that she normally left open to the galaxy at large cringed, trying to creep back inside her and escape the shadow that now seemed to cast a pall across all of existence. She resisted against the urges of fight or flight, fear growing cold in her belly. Pushing back at it with the strength of her will, she strove for calm amidst the turmoil. She couldn't allow herself to be driven by fear. Closing her eyes, she took in several steady breaths then opened her eyes, prepared to assess the situation.

She felt the approach long before she saw it. He was large, dressed in armor quite similar to the Death Watchers; clearly Mandalorian, the armor black and red, bringing to mind blood and death. A dark red cowl blanketed his helmet and surged down his back to a cape that distended behind him as he marched purposefully.

He strode slowly, menacingly towards the troops, a vile vapor of evil emanating from him, pouring like bile into the air around him. Leia felt it like slime oozing and writhing through the air. Darkness simmered, malicious intent rose in waves through the Force, seeming to cause even the smallest of nearby life to shrink back in fear. Leia could almost feel the Life-Force of the leaves and branches shudder.

Trying to remain passive and unmoved, she watched through her binocs, sensing Chewie's inquisitive concern. It was difficult to shoulder the heavy darkness that, for her, was as present as the air she breathed.

The being turned in a quick arc to inspect the last line of troops and she saw a glint of silver, the lightsaber hanging loosely from the belt of ammo, reflecting the sun. The tiny hairs on her arms rose, leaving her charged and expectant.

He spun very suddenly and, through the binocs, Leia was certain his head had tipped up towards the tree and eyes were gazing back at her through the visor of the helmet.

Stunned, her stomach seemed to fall out as the binocs tumbled from her hands and fell to the ground. As if scalded, she recoiled, closing off her connection to the Force and cloaking her presence. Without a word, she began to clamber down the tree. Chewie hooted quietly as he followed.

Lowering herself the last few meters, she landed gracefully with the help of the Force. Chewie joined her shortly and Han and Luke rushed towards them.

"What did you see?" Han asked sternly.

Slightly breathless, she nodded her helmeted head. "We can't talk about it here. We must get some distance and then I'll tell you everything."

Han was clearly not pleased with her answer but he nodded grimly, trusting her as he always did. They began their trek back through the woods in silence. Afraid to leave herself open and vulnerable, Leia remained closed to the Force. Her mind was a whirlwind, tumbling in every direction. She was certain this was the Emperor's new apprentice, Vader's replacement. He was clearly strong in the dark side of the Force.

This only complicated things that were already close to impossible. She struggled to fight against feelings of a defeat that hadn't come yet. The Rebellion had already lost so much, had an armada of obstacles up against them. The death of Vader had been their only victory. Now, it almost seemed hollow.

Arriving at the edge of the woods, the group piled into the borrowed speeder and took off in the direction of the docking bay where the Falcon was berthed. Leia was relieved that no one questioned her yet. She needed to be far away from the darkness before she would feel able to speak of it.

The rush of the wind made effective communication difficult, but soon they were outside the docking bay and Han was cutting the engine. He had parked on the side, away from the foot traffic of other beings. Leia felt heavy, weighed down by this terrible, new knowledge.

From his seat beside her, Han turned and placed a hand on Leia's knee, brow lowered over dark eyes filled with concern.

"What did you see?" he asked in a low tone.

Leia was dimly aware of Luke and Chewie leaning in closer as the Wookiee told them they saw a Mandalorian Warrior.

"He wasn't just a Mandalorian Warrior," Leia said quietly, her eyes at Han's chest. She took a shaky breath and met his gaze. "He had a lightsaber. And I could sense the darkness around him, inside him." She pointed a meaningful look at Luke, found his gaze turned inward, blue eyes luminous and a bit frightened.

Chewie growled a low question and Leia nodded to him. "I'm quite certain he's taken Vader's place at the Emperor's side."

No one questioned her and they all fell silent. Leia tried to banish the cold shadow that seemed to have burrowed inside her.

"Okay, so now what?" Han asked anxiously.

Leia sighed. "We return to the Fleet and notify High Command."

"They can't help us," Luke murmured, barely audible.

She turned her head and saw him gazing off into the distance, eyes unfocused but hinting at sorrow, brow worried. It made Leia even more uneasy but she pushed it aside. She returned her gaze to Han.

"We have to fully assess this threat and plan how we'll move forward. We shouldn't do that on our own. It's a decision for all of High Command."

Han nodded grimly. "All right. Let's get the Falcon prepped to take off." He gave a nod to Chewie.

They clambered from the speeder and entered the hangar. Halfway to the Falcon, Han grabbed Leia by the arm and she stopped, Luke reflexively halting beside her.

"Go on ahead," he called to Chewbacca, who barked in acknowledgement.

Leia peered up at Han expectantly, too unnerved to reopen herself to the Force and sense his feelings.

"Listen," he began gruffly. "Don't be gettin' any crazy ideas here."

Thoughts and feelings in turmoil, she remained utterly calm. "Don't worry, Han."

"That's not the response I was lookin' for," he growled.

Leia smiled gently, mind preoccupied. "Han, please. I have no course of action right now."

"Yeah, but I know you."

Leia glanced at Luke, who was staring at the ground. She wondered what he was thinking.

She offered Han a reassuring smile. "Let's not cross through any wormholes until we come to them. Okay?"

His mouth scrunched to one side and he was clearly not assuaged. With a loud sigh, he pulled her into his arms and gave her a long, tight squeeze before releasing her. They looked into each other's eyes for a long, poignant moment and Leia did not need the Force to know how he felt.

One arm still around her, they began heading towards the Falcon again, Luke trailing them.

A sudden rush of noise, like fire and water somehow gushing together, sounded from behind them and the trio spun around to see a blur of red and black streaking towards them.

Recognition struck instantly and Leia opened herself to the Force, felt the malevolent creature's presence radiating murderous intent. It landed two meters in front of them and the sound of the jet-pack's engine cut off.

Han's reaction was immediate; his blaster was in his hand before anyone could blink and he squeezed off several shots. The Mandalorian raised a hand and the blasts ricocheted from the palm of his hand and bounced harmlessly. In a flash, the blaster had been yanked from Han's hand to careen aimlessly and Han went flying backwards into a wall.

As he struck the hard surface, Leia tried to remain calm and centered, even as she felt Han's shock and confusion. She almost felt his head strike the wall then, in the space of a breath, and she could sense him no longer as he lost consciousness.

Heart constricting, stomach dropping to her toes, she forced those feelings aside, could not allow herself to lose focus and worry for the man she loved.

Facing the dark presence, Leia cast all else from her awareness. What Luke was doing in the face of this threat, she had no idea. She couldn't allow herself to think about it.

The Mandalorian was huge, almost as tall as Vader, red and black armor dented and scratched, black cape trailing. His attention was fixed entirely on Leia and she stared back unflinchingly.

And then his lightsaber was in his hand, glowing blood-red. Leia ignited her blue blade in response and took a defensive stance, weapon raised and ready. A Jedi did not attack; a Jedi only defended.

Darkness poured from the Mandalorian's form, seeming to threaten her through the spark that flared in the air between them.

In a frenzy of motion, emitting a loud battle cry, he spun in a thunderstorm of red and black, lightsaber arcing towards her. Summoning all of the calm and poise she possessed, Leia raised her saber in return and blocked the quick attack that bore down on her in a flurry of offensive strikes.

She sensed his momentary surprise at her ability to counter his attack so effectively. It fled quickly, leaving behind only the vicious desire to destroy her.

In a flash, Leia raised her lightsaber and charged him, blade swinging from side to side. Her opponent fell back slightly and Leia took advantage of his momentary lapse. She brought her blade up from below but he quickly righted himself to block the blow before pulling up to bring the lightsaber crashing down on her.

She dropped to the ground with a speed that a non-Force user couldn't have followed with his eyes then rolled past his feet in a blur, jumping up behind him, blade raised expectantly.

Just as her blade came up, he was bearing down on her again, but Leia was prepared for the onslaught. She whipped her lightsaber around to crack and sizzle against his, blue and red shoving against each other in an aura of purple. They remained in that position for a long moment, each using the Force to push the other back.

With an inner grin of satisfaction, Leia propelled him backwards and he skidded along the ground, a screech of metal blasting through the hangar. He was on his feet again before Leia could think of what to do next.

A bold fury gleamed in the air and he charged Leia with a roar, saber a bright burst of movement. Jumping up slightly, she crashed her saber into his, igniting a staccato of attacks and parries that matched each other equally. With a crack and a hum, he spun into an upwards tumble, one leg jutting out to kick Leia squarely in the stomach.

A groan, a harsh gust of air and the wind was knocked entirely out of her as she flew backwards and landed hard on her back, slightly stunned. Forcing a breath into her lungs, she jumped back up to her feet, trying to orient herself as the Mandalorian sprung towards her again. Without a moment to spare, she met his attack with an upwards swing of her blade.

Still a bit winded, Leia was forced to retreat to a far corner of the hangar. As her back neared the wall and she feared she would be trapped, she breathed more deeply, soothing her lungs and tuning into the Force more sharply.

She blocked the blow he rained down on her then managed to parry more offensively, using the Force to drive him backwards again. Regaining some ground, her optimism rose and, in a quick motion, she bore her lightsaber to one side, then feinted to the left in an unexpected move that just barely took her opponent by surprise. He blocked her, but with not a moment to spare.

Taking advantage of having thrown him off balance, Leia slashed her lightsaber hard against his, swiveled it across the other direction, and took that moment to sprint a short meter. Now away, she did a fast double jump and flew atop the Falcon.

Gazing down at where he stood in a defiant stance, Leia gathered her breath and worked at centering herself. A nagging concern for Han began to creep into her thoughts but she thrust it away and concentrated on her connection to the Force.

Below, although his face was obscured from her vision, she could sense the Mandalorian's dark anger.

"Who are you?" she called in a demanding tone, her voice ringing out through the hangar. If she could procure some information from this encounter, all the better.

"You'll be dead before you can find out!" His deep voice was louder than hers, with a tinny quality caused by the helmet.

Breath now steady, she allowed herself a small, haughty smile. "You are sadly mistaken. Evil won't win this time."

A bellowing laugh flew from his helmet. "Evil always wins, foolish woman."

"If you are so certain that I will be dead then it wouldn't hurt to tell me your name."

He laughed again, a short bark this time. "If you are so certain that you won't be dead then come back down here."

"In good time." She smiled again.

Something akin to a growl spouted from him and he slashed his blood-red blade back and forth in front of him. "Your mate…I believe I killed him." His tone was a taunt.

Part of Leia knew he was baiting her…another part felt a tiny spike of fear that gusted deep inside her and rose towards the top. She felt her breath quicken again and tried to slow it back to normal. She wondered dimly where Luke was but couldn't allow herself to be distracted.

On the floor of the hangar, the Mandalorian raised a gloved hand to his head. "Yes…" he said in a tone of concentration. "The blow to the head caused bleeding in his brain. I see it…that was the cause of death."

It seemed impossible to slow her breathing now and she swallowed hard against fear. Was it safe to reach out for Han's presence? Or would that moment of distraction be her demise?

She couldn't risk it. Her focus needed to remain on this dark being. She had to believe he was toying with her in order to get through this. The belief that Han was all right had to sustain her so that she could obliterate this _thing_ from the galaxy. When it was over, she could allow herself to check on Han. He had to be okay.

And this needed to end.

With a deep breath, Leia stepped to the edge of the Falcon and allowed herself to drop off the side, feet striking the floor several meters from the Mandalorian. In a quick move, she started at a run towards him then jumped up and executed a double jump that sent her soaring over his head.

The next few moments whizzed by in a blur: Leia overestimated the height of her jump and, as she tumbled in the air, she was closer to her adversary than anticipated, her focus not as keen as necessary, her core vaguely off-center and distracted by a deep concern she tried so hard to ignore.

A sudden, searing, soul-blinding pain hit, thrashing through her and blanking her mind. There was nothing but sheer agony and Leia didn't even know where it stemmed from; she screamed, a primal outcry of pain; when she landed on her side with a thud, the scream stopped, torn from her with her breath.

Something roared in her ears, but the pain caused her to moan and that obliterated all else from her senses.

Her body went into shock and, mercifully, everything went black.


	12. Chapter 12: Sacrifice

Leia's fate hangs in the balance...what will Luke do?

 _I'd rather stand tall_

 _Than live on my knees,_

 _Cause I am a conqueror_

 _And I won't accept defeat!_

 _-Conqueror, by Estelle and Jess Smollett_

###

"Noooooooo!" Luke was barely aware of the scream that roared from his lips.

He had watched the battle from the shadows, tormented and terrified. The dark and the light seemed to pull at him equally and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to the scene before him.

Once Leia was atop the Falcon, Luke was able to breathe again. He felt frozen, unable to move, could barely think.

Something snapped, a loud, hard pop in his brain, when he saw, as if in slow motion, the sizzling red blade slice through skin and bone to sever Leia's leg at the knee.

And the Force was suddenly blazing around him, unbidden, and Luke could feel the agony of Leia's pain, the way it burned through her soul. He screamed, searing his throat, and extended one hand as Leia's unignited lightsaber flew through the air and landed in his hand.

He ignited it without thinking, an anger-filled wail echoing through the hangar as he vaulted himself at the Mandalorian, saber swinging wildly.

He spun towards Luke's onslaught, surprise in his stance, and when blue cracked against red, he stumbled back for an instant and Luke struck again, knocking the Mandalorian to the floor with a crash of armor. He recovered quickly and swung upwards, meeting Luke's next thrust.

Luke tried to push thoughts of Leia from his mind; yet, he found that thinking of her lying in a damaged heap fueled his anger…and made him more powerful.

The man on the floor below him gave a loud grunt as he slammed his saber upwards with a deafening clash and pushed Luke back. He was back on his feet instantly, hurling himself at Luke, lightsaber spinning.

Teeth grinding together, heart hammering at his ribs, Luke blocked the flurry of glowing red that came at him and they remained equally matched for several minutes. Back and forth they slashed, the hum and crack of their blades the only sounds, drowning out their harsh breathing.

It was building, intensifying inside Luke; the rage, the power, like a star about to go supernova. His mind dimly acknowledged he should stop it, but he didn't want to. He wanted to hold it tightly, to possess it utterly; to use it to destroy this thing that had maimed his sister.

In a sudden, surprising motion, Luke's adversary spun his saber in a complicated twist and knocked the lightsaber from Luke's hands, sending it spinning, blade retracting instantly. Eyes wide, Luke vaulted himself into a backwards handstand then jumped clear, calling the lightsaber back into his hand. He realized in a flash that he was only two meters from where Leia lie, unconscious. It boiled his blood but he had no time to think more about it when the Mandalorian charged him, screaming furiously.

The breath of distraction gave his opponent the advantage; Luke was forced to inch backwards towards the Falcon as the Mandalorian advanced on him, blade swinging as fast as Luke could block it. With an effort, he managed to fend off the blows, but the effort slowly began to take its toll as they came faster, with more force that continued to drive him back.

Luke began to feel the slightest tremor of fear.

###

Darkness, but the pain was everywhere, all-consuming; Leia moaned pitifully. She couldn't figure out where she was or what had happened. The powerful, foggy pull of unconsciousness enticed her. It would be so easy to just slip away, escape the pain. For a moment, she allowed herself to drift on that mindless current…

Something gnarled in the recesses of her mind, gently coaxing her back to reality.

 _Gods, the pain!_ She gritted her teeth against it with a whimper. Noise all around seeped into her consciousness, loud cracking sounds that sounded close yet muffled. Where was she? It was important that she know…

What had happened to her? She needed to remember. With a deep intake of breath, Leia opened herself fully to the Force, could now feel sweat beading on her brow as her breath came in shallow pants against the pain.

The Force filled her and her being clung to it, trying to find the source of the agony inflicted on her body.

 _My leg._

The pain stemmed from her leg, although she still couldn't recall what had happened. She had a high pain tolerance, so this had to be bad. Straining, she forced her eyes to crack open, sudden light causing them to squint.

The world around her was a blur and it was a long time before her eyes opened entirely.

A glow of red and blue whizzed at her left and recognition wiped out the shocking pain for just an instant as it all came back to her.

 _Han. Luke._

Realizing that it was Luke now battling the Evil One, she tried to clear her vision, blinking rapidly. She could make out only red and blue and some dark forms around it.

The pain distracted her again and it occurred to Leia to look down and see how badly she was wounded, but some small voice in her mind discouraged her.

Luke…she needed to help Luke.

Her senses reached out to him, found mixed emotions: anger, resentment, fear…

Alarmed, she doubled her efforts and raised her head slightly. She needed to see what was happening…

Her eyes fluttered then stilled and suddenly there was clarity.

Luke was on the ground, on his back, blue blade raised above him as the Mandalorian ground his bright red one against it. She could see Luke was struggling to keep the blade at bay and that the Dark One was slowly bearing it down, closer to him.

She had to help him…she had to…

Pushing back against the pain, Leia closed her eyes and let the Force flow through her, filling every nerve in her body. She raised a hand, felt another jolt of pain, and stopped to breathe deeply and slowly until she had again shoved it down deep.

Hand remaining raised, she saw him in her mind's eye; the Mandalorian, the one that had hurt them all. Clenching her hand into a fist, she pictured it constricting his throat.

And she felt it, through the Force, the air that was suddenly cut off, his struggle to breathe, the slight surge of panic mixed with rage. She sensed Luke as he realized what was happening and his hope soared.

The effort was draining, both mentally and physically, and Leia was finding it difficult to ignore the biting pain as it oozed back into her awareness. Sweat dripping from her forehead, her teeth ground together and she gasped desperately.

The pain overwhelmed her and she lost the thread, lost all control. The Mandalorian's sudden, harsh exhalation of breath seemed to roar in her ears as the pain took over, became too much. She writhed in agony for a moment.

 _No!_

She had to help Luke, this was not a choice. She was stronger than this!

With a renewed determination, Leia breathed deeply, using every drop of her strong will to obliterate the pain from her senses.

And she was drifting, basking in the Force, felt it more strongly than ever before. It seemed to light her up from the inside and emanate from her body out into the universe.

Pain now distant, breath steady, Leia raised the hand again, knowing nothing but the Mandalorian's presence in the Force. She did not have to see what was happening to know that her grip was again on his throat, and now, he had no defense. His body floated above the floor and she felt, more than heard, the gasping and choking sounds that sputtered from him.

It seemed to go on forever.

###

Shocked and still, Luke watched in horror and amazement as the rasping, choking sounds came from the helmet that was suddenly suspended above him. He couldn't move, was rooted to the spot.

It felt endless and Luke couldn't remove his gaze, mouth hanging open.

When no more sounds emanated from him and Luke realized he was dead, he cast his weapon aside. It fell to the floor with a dull thud and the blue blade retracted and disappeared.

Luke dropped to his knees, head hanging. In a moment, he heard the loud thump of the body as it fell to the floor, forever silent.

Dropping his face in his hands, Luke wept into trembling hands before he gathered the strength to go to Leia.


	13. Chapter 13: Shock

The immediate threat is over, now for the fallout.

###

 _Try telling me no,_

 _One thing about me,_

 _Is I am a conqueror_

 _I am a conqueror!_

 _Ooh oh._

 _-Conqueror, Estelle and Jessie Smollet_

Han had awoken in his bunk, a throbbing headache hammering at him. After a long moment of disorientation, it quickly came back to him.

The hangar. The Manadalorian.

 _Leia._

He jumped up and bolted towards the cockpit, where he found Luke in the pilot's seat, next to Chewbacca. Luke was pulling back the lever to send them soaring into hyperspace.

"Where's Leia?" Han asked sternly. When there was no immediate answer, he began to panic. "Where is she?!"

Chewie stood and turned to him. He growled softly, large, blue eyes appearing sympathetic.

Han felt his blood grow cold. "What do you mean, she's stable?" His head was spinning.

Slowly, Chewie began explaining, but as soon as he said the words "medbay," Han was sprinting down the corridor. It sped by in a blur. Han hurled himself through the medbay door and stopped cold.

An oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, Leia lay on the bunk, hooked up to a number of machines. The sight of her jolted him with shock and clenched his heart.

Her face was ashen, eyes closed peacefully. She almost looked dead and it shook him to his core, left him weak and trembling.

He stepped closer, hands poised above her yet afraid to touch her, afraid to make it real. His eyes closed involuntarily and he swallowed against the sudden tightness in his throat. He forced them open again and scanned her to find the source of her injury.

He stopped breathing when he saw her leg, partially hidden beneath a sheet.

 _No._

He remained frozen for a moment then released the halted breath. Stumbling forward, he took her hand in his and raised it to his lips.

"Leia…" he whispered mournfully.

How could he have let this happen to her? He was supposed to protect her. He closed his eyes again, mind rejecting reality. Dampness gathered behind his closed lids and he took several deep breaths to calm himself. Leia needed him now, he couldn't lose it.

His eyes opened again and he examined the readouts on the machines that monitored her. She was indeed stable.

She would receive a prosthetic leg and learn to function the same as before…but how would this affect her? Her leg could be replaced but the memory would remain, yet another scar branded on her soul. Hadn't she suffered enough? When would it ever end? When would she get her happy ending?

He steeled his emotions behind a dam of forced strength, isolating his fear and sorrow to remain strong for Leia.

Her hand still clutched in his, he leaned closer to her and spoke in a husky whisper.

"Hey, Princess. Hang in there. You've gotta hang in there. You're gonna be okay."

Could she hear him? Did she know what was happening to her? Or, was she lost in blackness? He hoped she could hear him, that she knew she wasn't alone, never alone.

Footsteps sounded behind him and he glanced over his shoulder to find Luke entering through the doorway. The fear, anguish, and grief he kept trying to bury churned in the pit of his stomach like an acidic whirlpool, and it rose with a sudden fury, beyond his control.

With a low, maniacal growl, Han rushed at Luke, grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him hard against the bulkhead. The release almost felt good, the anger and resentment spewing from him like a sudden, long awaited thunder storm.

Luke's eyes widened in shock as Han's forearm pinned him roughly in place.

"This is all your fault!" Han shouted.

Luke's mouth fell open and he seemed to shrink inside himself.

"You can't use the Force?" Han spat. "You let her face that thing alone. Look what you've done!" The arm that was not at Luke's chest pointed behind him to where Leia lie.

"I—"

"I don't wanna hear your excuses! You let this happen!"

Large, heavy footsteps pounded towards them and Chewbacca was suddenly there, roaring at them.

Han ignored him and continued his tirade. His voice lowered to a dangerous whisper. "You need to man-up, Kid. Stop lettin' your sister do all the fighting for you." His eyes were blazing with anger, felt as if they were burning.

With a string of barks and grumbles, Chewie told Han to stop; he wasn't doing Leia any good like this. He ordered Luke back to the cockpit.

Glare holding steady, Han lowered his arm from Luke's chest and took a resentful step back, squaring his shoulders. Luke's gaze fell from him to the floor and, in a moment, he was gone.

Scowling after him, Han finally turned to Chewie, lips in a bitter twist. "I don't wanna hear it," he groused. He turned back to Leia and the anger fled, replaced by a fearful tenderness.

It startled him when warm, heavy hands landed on his shoulders. Chewie rumbled reassurance at his back.

"I know," Han answered tonelessly. His brain knew that Leia was going to be okay…but, his heart wouldn't beat steadily until he actually saw it with his own eyes. "What exactly happened?"

His friend had no answers. He would have to ask Luke.

That was going to have to wait. He wasn't ready to have that conversation with Luke. Just the thought brought on a renewed throb of anger.

"I should've done something," Han muttered.

Chewie growled that there was nothing he could have done.

"Sure there was. I should've thought faster. Shot faster."

Chewie warbled a question. Hadn't Han learned on Dagobah that he couldn't be her protector anymore?

Han's teeth clenched and his jaw went hard. He looked down at Leia's unconscious form and too many emotions shuddered through him, interweaving, making him feel ill.

When he didn't respond, Chewbacca patted him gently on the shoulders before leaving the medbay.

Han's eyes fell to Leia's face, so pale and lifeless, and he suddenly missed her vital spirit with a swift intensity. He took her hand in his again and gave it a gentle squeeze.

A sudden, stray memory popped into his head, a casual moment of hope and peace: sitting together in his cabin, on Dagobah, watching a holo. It had been such a simple moment of accord, but it had been a turning point for them.

Now, he would give anything to have that moment back, however difficult the circumstances might have been. He needed to hear her voice, see her brilliant smile, make her laugh.

Her pain and suffering on Dagobah had been unbearable, but Leia seemed to have superhuman resiliency. How many countless times had he thought he could no longer suffer the brunt of her anger, her coldness towards him? It had seemed endless at the time, a revolving cycle of pain and humiliation. Never before had he put his heart on the line like that. He had wanted to give up innumerable times, yet something kept drawing him back to try again to break down those walls Leia had erected.

It had made him far more conscious of the barriers he himself had propped up against being hurt. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, he had always known he was doing so. But, he had never truly admitted it to himself. Watching Leia do the same had been an eye opener. Wanting her to let him inside her walls had caused him to realize he needed to lower his own. And somehow, they had met in the middle and found the love and solace they both needed.

He had come so close to losing her this time…it was unthinkable.

He thought back to her confrontation with Vader on Coruscant, how he had feared for her then, had needed to prepare himself to be devastated by the loss. This time, there had been no preparation. She could have been just suddenly _gone_.

He closed his eyes and tried to banish the thought. All he could do now was wait; which was not his strong suit.

Before he had succumbed to his feelings for Leia, he had spent his entire life running from anyone who might hurt him. After everything they had been through together, he had learned and accepted that Leia would never hurt or abandon him.

But, this was the reality of love. No matter the tenacity with which they held on to each other, fate could intervene and tear her from his arms.

It summoned that lifelong responding urge to flee, to not allow anyone to remain close enough to hurt him. The instinct had been there for so long, he could never completely banish it.

But, this was Leia. And he could never run from her; could never truly want to. For better or worse, he was in this for the long haul.

He leaned down and kissed her firmly on the forehead, hoping she was aware of him doing so. Placing a tender hand at her brow, he stroked back loose strands of hair with his thumb.

Overwhelmed again, he closed his eyes and swallowed hard against the persistent knot in his throat. Leia had to be okay…any other option was inconceivable.

A quiet clunk behind him caused Han to spin his head to the doorway. Eyes averted, Luke silently placed Han's desk chair just inside the room. He turned and left before Han could process it.

He stared for a long moment at the space Luke had vacated, a surge of dull anger interrupted by a slight stab of guilt. He shoved it deep down. Leia was his only priority right now.

He grabbed the chair and rolled it beside the medbunk then sat down and replaced Leia's hand in his.

Once they reached the Fleet and Leia was conscious, he could breathe freely again. Until then, he would maintain his vigil beside her and try to ignore the gaping ache in his chest.

###

Leia took the cup from Luke's hand and quickly downed the icy cold water, hoping it would quench the persistent thirst that had plagued her since regaining consciousness. The smooth coldness rushed down her dry, stinging throat in a soothing flow. She handed back the cup and Luke replaced it on the bunkside table.

She cleared her throat delicately. "Don't blame yourself." Her voice still sounded throaty and strained. "I am responsible for my own actions." Her eyes lowered. "And my own failures," she added more softly, biting back her anger and self-loathing.

"This wouldn't have happened to you if I had fought by your side." His voice was low and seemed to come from deep inside him.

"You don't know that."

He met her gaze, eyes deeply troubled. "I felt it, Leia," he said slowly. "The dark side…it was pulling me in, deeper by the moment. If you hadn't intervened…I don't know what would have become of me."

She took his hand and squeezed it gently. "Don't say that, Luke. You belong in the light." A trickle of fear accompanied her words. She was glad Han wasn't there. After tirelessly remaining beside her for more than a day and a half, she finally convinced him to shower and get some sleep. He would not have reacted well to the current conversation.

"I don't know where I belong," he said sadly.

"I'm in no better shape." She recalled the way the Mandalorian had used Han to bait her. "I allowed him to use Han against me. That was my mistake."

"And I allowed my anger to pull me back towards the Dark Side."

Brother and sister sat in silence for a time, each one's thoughts tormenting them.

"Yoda said the Jedi were wrong to forbid attachments," Leia finally said. "He said Han and I proved that to him. But, what if the Jedi weren't wrong? Look at us. Sitting here, lost because of attachments."

Luke seemed to ponder her words. "I don't know," he said tentatively. "I mean…you're the reason I abandoned the Dark Side."

"After you fell to it." Their gazes held for a long moment of contemplation.

"Han didn't send you to the Dark Side. Quite the opposite. On Dagobah, he helped you overcome your pain and anger."

"Yes, he did." The thought warmed her, almost made her smile. She glanced down at the sheet covering the leg that was no longer whole. A cold disgust wormed through her belly, banishing the warmth. "But, my concern for his life was almost my undoing. And I don't know what to do with that."

His brow puzzled together. "What do you mean?"

She took a breath. "Maybe it's not a good thing, having Han by my side when there's so much at stake. It's a risk to him and this time it was a risk to me."

Her brother frowned. "Han isn't going to worry about anything being a risk to him."

She sighed. "I know."

"I wish I knew what sent our father to the Dark Side," Luke said heavily.

Leia felt that familiar wall raise and her eyes steeled. "What happened to that monster is irrelevant."

Luke's vacant gaze was pulled sharply back to her. "Leia, he was once a man, just like myself."

She shook her head briskly. "No. Not like you."

"Yes, Leia. If not for you, I might have become what he was."

"No, you could never be like him."

"I almost was. I was so close. But, you saved me. Attachments can be a good thing."

"You only went to the Dark Side because of me. You're nothing like Vader." She would _never_ refer to him as her father. Bail Organa was her only father.

"We don't know what drove him to the Dark Side. It could have been because of attachment as well."

"But, he remained there. You came back."

"Only because of you. Maybe he would've come back too, had anyone been there for him the way you were for me."

"This is pointless," she declared in a haughty tone. "We'll never have any answers about him, so there's no point in speculating about it."

Luke settled back, rocking slightly on his heels in seeming acceptance before giving her a brief, accepting nod. He gestured towards her lower half. "When are you getting the prosthetic?"

She grimaced, her anger at herself returning. "In the morning. I can't wait. I need to get out of this bed."

"Don't you need some rehabilitation to learn to navigate with it?"

"Yes, but I intend to master that quickly. There's no time to waste. I need to meet with High Command for a debriefing."

Luke's eyes softened and lowered. "Mon Mothma tried to get Han to debrief her. He said he wasn't leaving your side until you were awake and…" He trailed off and one side of his mouth quirked upwards. "Well, I won't repeat the rest."

Leia smiled against her own will but it faded quickly. "We have to find a way to put an end to this war. Since Endor, it's all been about maintenance. We've made no headway. The Rebellion can't go on like this, we must find a way to destroy the Empire." She stared off into the distance, almost forgetting Luke's presence. "I used to feel the end was in sight, within my lifetime, even when we were at a standstill. Now…" She swallowed against the misery of her thoughts. "I just don't know anymore."

Luke's hand closed over hers. "It'll happen, Leia. We just have to keep fighting."

Their gazes held for a long, poignant moment. The door slid open suddenly and Leia's eyes found Han walking in, a huge, crooked grin plastered across his face. Luke stepped aside as he approached.

He bent and placed a firm kiss on her lips, one hand winding around her head to hold her in place. "How ya doing, Sweetheart?" His hand remained behind her head for an extended moment then travelled down her arm with a gentle squeeze.

"I'm fine." She smiled back and reached out to him through the Force. Beneath the smile, he was still somewhat shaken and concerned. "You got back here awfully fast. Did you get some rest?"

He averted his eyes for just a moment, telling Leia the answer without words. "Nah, I wasn't tired. But I took a shower and got something to eat."

"You need some rest," she chastised.

"I had some kaffe. I'm good to go."

She raised an eyebrow but said nothing, knowing it was pointless. She noticed that his gaze never strayed towards the lower half of her body. "I'll be getting my prosthetic in the morning," she said deliberately.

Something subtle flickered across his visage. She imagined no one else knew him well enough to notice, save for Chewie. "Great," he replied with false cheer.

Silence lingered until Luke spoke up. "I'm gonna get going. I'll be back this evening."

Leia smiled gratefully. "Don't stay away too long." She was aware of Han's lack of acknowledgement and was growing tired of the tension between the two men.

"I won't." With a backwards wave, he disappeared through the door.

Leia returned her attention to Han. "You have to let go of this," she said softly.

"Of what?" His expression held exaggerated innocence.

"Your anger at Luke."

Han's lips twisted in a sour expression and he rolled his eyes.

Leia frowned. "I'm serious," she said more sternly. "It has to stop. I love you both. I can't deal with it any longer. You need to let go this blame you have towards him. It's counter-productive. We need unity, not dissension." She caught his hand and held it tightly to her chest.

"He almost got you killed twice," he growled.

"And he saved me twice," she said gently. They had not yet discussed he details of what had occurred on Mandalore.

His eyes were hard, jaw taut. He stared down in silence at nothing, hand still clutched in hers.

"Do you want to hear what happened?" she asked tentatively.

His mouth skewed to one side in a dismissive gesture. "Maybe later." Unease radiated from him like a slow coolant leak.

Leia studied him for a moment as flickers of various emotions scrolled across his face. "Are you all right?" It was unlike Han to not immediately want the facts.

That forced, casual smile. "Shouldn't I be the one asking that?"

"You're upset," she observed in a low tone.

He grimaced and Leia knew he was most likely damning the Force in his mind. A long silence stretched between them and she waited patiently, feeling the struggle that warred within him.

He finally spoke in a deep, husky whisper. "I came so close to losing you. And there was nothing I could do about it." His head tilted briefly to one side and he frowned. "Scared the hell outta me."

Some poignant emotion welled deep in her chest. She raised his hand to her lips and kissed his fingers, holding them there for an extended moment, as if guarding his heart with the gesture. She lowered his hand but kept it in hers. "Are you sure you don't want a more normal woman?"

He narrowed his eyes with a sardonic look and suddenly he was back to his typical self. "I'm not even gonna answer that again."

She offered him a small smile, let go of his hand, and opened her arms to him. His expression softened and he bowed to her embrace, wrapping his strong arms tightly around her. She burrowed her face into the hollow between his neck and shoulder and the masculine scent of him filled her with peace.

 _Home._ Han was like home.

Was it selfish of her to keep him? To rely on his warmth and love? An overwhelming sadness swept through her suddenly. Attachment was hurting Han as well. And it put him in undue danger. Suddenly, Leia was questioning everything she had been so sure of.


	14. Chapter 14: The Wicked Pain of Sacrifice

Here we are at a turning point...

###

 _Got a vision that no one else sees,_

 _Lot of dirty work, roll up your sleeves,_

 _Remember there's a war out there,_

 _So come prepared to fight!_

 _-Conqueror, by Estelle and Jessie Smollett_

Sitting aside in the large rehabilitation room, Han watched as Leia practiced walking with her mechanical leg. The med droid had yet to attach the realistic flesh-like coverings so, at the moment, all of the electronic components were visible and he could see the movement of the inner workings flex and contract as she walked unassisted.

It had been an effort to accompany her. Far from squeamish, there was little that phased Han. But, seeing the reality of what Leia had suffered cut him to the quick and just reminded him of how close he had come to losing her.

A low roar caught his attention and his eyes followed Chewie as he lumbered over and took the seat beside Han. He barked a question, eyes on Leia.

"Good. She seemed a little unsteady at first but she got the hang of it."

The med droid was nearby, praising her efforts. Han and Chewie watched her for a time as she navigated the room. Her eyes happened upon the Wookiee and she smiled at him. He growled a loud, cheerful greeting then spoke in a lower grumble to Han.

"Yeah, she's fine."

He warbled a question.

Han shot him an irritated glance. "Of course I'm fine."

Chewie gave a quiet, disbelieving snort and Han ignored him as Leia started towards them. Han rose and placed his hands on his hips.

"You got this, Princess."

She smiled with a raise of her brow. "Not a moment too soon. I'm due at High Command this afternoon." She turned to the med droid. "I'll need to be discharged by early this afternoon."

His mechanical voice was low and soothing, programmed for comfort and efficiency. "Yes, Your Highness. If you feel you are proficient with your new leg."

"I do. I'm quite confident."

"Then we shall place the synthflesh over the mechanics."

"Wonderful." She turned back to Han, eyes troubled.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She gave a quick shake of her head, as if casting off a lingering shadow. "Nothing." Stepping closer to him, she placed a hand against his chest, eyes seemingly on the caress.

Han had the distinct feeling that something was troubling her but she clearly did not wish to talk about it, so he let it go. He lowered to press his lips against her forehead. When he drew back, she was smiling sweetly.

"You want me to go with you to the meeting?" he asked, in spite of the fact that it was the last thing he wanted to do. He thought she might need the support.

She shook her head. "No, I'll be fine."

"Okay," he replied with a nod. "Need anything?"

"No, but thank you." She smiled up at him.

"Okay." He placed a hand across her cheek. "I'll be on the Falcon. Come by after." He wasn't sure why he felt the need to tell her this; it was generally a given. Gazing down at her, she appeared smaller than usual. Of course, it was his own perception. Perhaps an illusion of her injury, making her seem more vulnerable in his eyes.

Her eyes held his and there was something indefinable yet disturbing there. He couldn't decide what it was and he was reluctant to ask. Giving her a quick kiss, he turned away as Chewie rose from his chair. When Han turned back, his friend was embracing Leia with a long, soft growl. She practically disappeared inside a barrage of Wookiee fur and Han couldn't help but smile. As his friend disengaged, Leia met his eyes, hers twinkling. He tossed her a wink and left the rehabilitation center, feeling slightly better.

###

The last being left in the conference room, Leia closed her eyes and placed her face in her hand. She had informed the other members of High Command that Luke and she needed to return to Concordia. Amidst grumbles of protest and flat-out arguments, she had insisted that this was what she needed to do before she could aid in any further decisions.

It was perhaps even more important for Luke than it was for her. They needed answers. Jarru seemed to be the only one who might be able to provide them.

Now, she just had to tell Han that she was going without him. And why. It was a conversation she was dreading.

What if her concern for Han prevented her from defeating the Empire? She had been on the cusp of winning the battle against the Mandalorian, until he brought Han into it. If Luke hadn't attacked him immediately after, he could have easily killed her.

Most of her life had been about sacrifice, in one form or another. She had sacrificed her childhood to train for her positions in both the Senate and the Alliance. She had sacrificed any semblance of a personal life as well. Her family and her entire planet had been destroyed in the name of justice. Her innocence had been taken by the Empire as well, and almost her sanity. She was very skilled at living for everyone but herself.

Han was the one personal want she had allowed herself. 'Allowed' wasn't even the right word…she had _needed_ him. That need was still there…but was she truly entitled to it? Perhaps denying herself what she loved most was the only path to defeating the Empire? Should she…no, _could_ she be that selfless?

The question needed to be answered before she could move on with this fight. She didn't want to hurt Han; she loved him deeply, almost desperately. But, his presence would influence her, sway her decision and weaken her resolve. She needed time alone to ponder the future and decide what she should do.

And Luke…he was lost. More lost than she had ever seen him.

Lowering her hand with a sigh, Leia tried to gather her resolve and steel herself to confront Han. This might be one of the hardest things she had ever had to do. How was she going to look him in the eye and explain herself?

###

It was growing late and Han had just showered and was wondering where Leia was. He had just pulled on a pair of sleep shorts when he finally felt the rumbling vibration as the boarding ramp lowered then rose again. With a sudden, relieved smile, he moved to stand in front of his cabin door, arms crossed over his chest. A couple of minutes passed before the door slid aside and Leia jumped with a low shriek. Han chuckled.

Her mouth screwed up in annoyance. "You scared the hell out of me." She stood with one hand over her heart, breathing rapidly. She wore the usual white pantsuit she seemed to reserve for High Command meetings.

"Hey, all I did was wait for you at the door," he replied innocently. He reached out and swept her inside, into his arms. The door whispered shut behind her. She smiled up at him with accusatory eyes, but there was something not quite right in her expression, a shadow behind her eyes…as if something had gone horribly wrong and she were trying to hide it.

He frowned. "What's wrong? Is the new leg okay?" He pulled back slightly to appraise her.

Her eyes fell from his and she bit her lip, signaling to Han that he had read her right. She returned her gaze to his with an uncharacteristic nervousness. "The leg is fine but…I have to talk to you about something," she said soberly.

He felt a sudden sinking in his stomach. Her tone was too serious, her eyes too anxious. "Okay," he replied slowly.

She grimaced and, for the briefest moment, he thought he saw a sheen of tears in her eyes. Then, suddenly, they looked clear again and he decided it had been his imagination.

"Can we sit down?" she asked meekly.

"Of course." Holding back a sigh, he went to the bed and sat down. She sat beside him and they faced each other as she took his hands in hers.

Averting her eyes, her brow furrowed and her thumbs stroked the backs of his hands.

"Hey, what is it?" He tried to make light of it with a strained smile. "You're startin' to worry me."

When she looked back to him, her eyes seemed huge and mournful. She opened her mouth but hesitated a long moment before speaking. "Luke and I are going back to Concordia."

He released a breath he hadn't been aware of holding. "Is that all? Okay, when do we leave?"

The tiniest lines tightened around her eyes. "Luke and I…we have to go alone." She seemed to hold her breath.

It took an extended moment for her words to process into their true meaning. "Wait. _What?_ "

She swallowed visibly. "Please don't be upset."

He yanked his hands from hers and placed them on his thighs, mind spinning with questions he couldn't order fast enough. "Don't get upset? Why don't you want me to come with you?"

Her eyes swept shut momentarily and she took a deep breath, one hand held out to him, as if warding off an attack. When she looked at him again, she seemed slightly steadier. "There are some things I've been questioning since the events on Mandalore."

He blinked sharply. "Me? You've been questioning me?" His thumb chucked back into his chest.

"No, Han, not you. Never you."

"Then what is this about?" His voice had risen in the small confines of the cabin.

"This is about being a Jedi."

His mouth formed a questioning circle before he replied. "You've been a Jedi for a year and a half. What's new about that?"

"I know," she said quietly, in that maddeningly placating tone she used so often. "But what happened on Mandalore raised some important questions."

"Like what? Why you always have to fight your brother's battles?"

"This isn't about Luke."

"Well, you're taking him with you and leaving me behind. What the hell?"

"Luke is coming with me because he has questions of his own." She kept her voice low, most likely to counter his quasi-yelling tone.

"I've got some questions too!"

"These are questions about the Force."

His rising anger mixed suddenly with a dose of panic. They swirled inside him, frothing close to the surface. "What kind of questions?"

Leia's gaze dropped. "Questions about attachment."

He stared at her for a long, puzzled moment, her recounting of Yoda's words coming back to him. "So, what? Yoda said attachments were forbidden, but we proved the Jedi wrong."

She was staring down at her hands, one thumb worrying against an index finger. "What if the Jedi weren't wrong?" she asked quietly, thoughts clearly drawn inward.

There was a sudden, stubborn lump in Han's throat. He swallowed but could not banish it. His voice lowered to a dangerous sounding timbre. It might have frightened anyone but Leia. "What do you mean, what if they were wrong?"

She didn't answer, only stared down at her hands.

"Leia," he said more forcefully. "What do you mean?!"

Her eyes grew suddenly smaller, tormented. "I mean…" she began in a small voice. "What if…attachments make a Jedi…weaker, unable to fight effectively? What if attachments cause a Jedi to make mistakes? To become careless?" The more she spoke, the more tortured her voice sounded.

A cold fear gnawed at him and his voice became deadly calm. "So, what is it you're saying? You're leaving me? Cause you think I make you a weaker Jedi?"

"I'm not leaving you."

"Not yet, anyway. But, that's what you're saying. I'm some kinda baggage gettin' in your way."

"Han, that's not it."

"Then what is it?" he sneered.

She sighed more deeply, eyes pleading with him. "For one, look at Luke. He joined Vader and the Emperor because of attachment. To save me."

Han listened, but his heart sank further with each word. A gaping, hollowness was taking up residence in his chest, in place of the usual serenity and security Leia brought him.

"His attachment to me weakened him, made him susceptible to the Dark Side," she continued, eyes lowering and taking on a faraway look. "Then, on Mandalore, that dark thing said he thought he had killed you. And I couldn't get that thought out of my head. I couldn't reach out to you for fear of becoming distracted. I didn't know if you were okay and my worry for you caused me to misstep." She glanced up at him then looked away again, pain and misery clear in her eyes. "I should've been more careful, but I was preoccupied with your safety. I miscalculated and that's how I lost my leg."

Han had never gotten the full story, and now it left him feeling guiltier than he had before. His head lowered but his eyes never left hers.

When he said nothing, she continued recounting what had happened. "And then, because of me, Luke battled him…and came close, yet again, to falling to the Dark Side." A shuddering sigh escaped her and she fell silent.

Unable to remain still, anxiety brought Han to his feet and he paced a meter away before turning back to her. He felt like a jitterbug scrambling for safety. "So, if this Jedi guy says you shouldn't have attachments, then that's it for me? See ya around, Solo?"

She stood but remained by the bunk. "No, Han, not like that."

"Then like what?" he shouted, arms splayed at his sides.

Now there were tears brimming her eyes. "Han, I love you. If that's the case…I won't be walking away from you forever. I'll just need some time to myself, to defeat the Empire."

A bitter laugh sputtered from him. "And that's not walking away from me forever? What if you never defeat the Empire? What if you die fighting? Where does that leave me?" He could feel his heart pounding hard, almost as if it were in his throat.

She took one tentative step towards him. "I have to just hope for the best."

"Oh, hope for the best, huh? Well, great, I'll just spend the rest of my life waiting for you, hoping for the best!"

In a hurried stride, she was standing before him, hands gripping his forearms. "Han, I don't even know if my questions will bring the answer I'm most afraid of. I have to figure this out. What if I'm making mistakes I'm not even aware of? Maybe I have the ability to take the Empire down but I'm going about it the wrong way. The entire galaxy is at stake."

He glared at her venomously. "So, whadda ya think? I'm gonna wait around the rest of my life on the off chance you come back?"

She seemed to suck in a breath. "I'm not walking away from you. If my hunch is correct, I just can't have you accompany me on missions anymore. It would be too risky. But, we'll still be together."

"Oh, is that what you think? That I'm gonna sit around with the Rebellion, waiting for you to grace me with your presence between missions?"

The color drained from her face. "You would leave?" she asked breathlessly.

"Me?" He was incredulous. "You're the one leaving!" There was a tremor where her hands met his arms but he wasn't sure which of them was trembling.

"I love you," she whispered vehemently.

"Do you?" he snarled, shrugging her hands from him and retreating to stand by his desk.

"You have to ask?" Sudden anger twisted her brow.

"Yeah," he retorted indignantly. "Yeah, now I do."

"You know I love you."

"Then whatever happened to 'I don't ever wanna be without you?'"

"Do you think this is what I _want?_ " she asked harshly.

"It's your choice." He crossed his arms protectively over his chest.

"Please, Han." The tears gathered in her eyes again. "Please just give me some time to figure things out."

Her tears had always been his undoing, but he swallowed hard and guarded his anger fiercely. "Yeah, some time to figure out how to get rid of me." He gave a sour snort of laughter and his eyes turned to the floor.

"Tell me you'll be here when I return from Concordia," she requested quietly.

Something tore inside him, self-preservation warring with his true feelings. He realized his breath was spewing fast and harsh from his throat. "I can't make any more promises than you can," he replied without looking at her.

"I love you."

He turned his gaze on her. "Then don't go."

Lips pressed together, she shook her head slowly. "I have to."

An acerbic smile twisted his mouth. "Then I guess you don't love me like I thought."

"How can you say that? After everything we've been through?" Her tone was anguished and Han could hear the tears straining her voice.

His hands fell to his sides and balled to fists. "How can you leave after everything we've been through?"

"It's not forever. I don't even know what answers I'm going to find."

"I think you do," he countered quietly. The pain in her eyes told him he was right. He took a step closer, the agony squeezing his heart suddenly overcoming his anger and defensiveness. "Leia, don't do this to us," he pleaded, eyes growing soft and wide.

Her eyes squeezed shut and she struggled against the quiver of her chin. Tears pooled on her lashes before flowing down her cheeks and Han was lost and confused but could stand it no longer.

"Godsdammit!" he growled tightly, hating his own weakness for this woman. He stepped forward and his arms were around her before he had even decided on it.

She sobbed against him for a long moment. Overwhelmed with a torrent of emotions, Han held her tightly. Why was she doing this? How could she do this to him? To them?

All his life he had worked so hard to shut everyone out, not allow anyone close enough to hurt him. Leia had earned his trust so completely. After Dagobah, he had truly believed that nothing could tear them apart. It had been so long since he had even the slightest doubt about her loyalty to him. And now, here they were, and she was leaving him. She claimed it wasn't forever…but how could he believe that? Whatever she found on this quest for knowledge might not include him.

He felt as if the galaxy were imploding around him, pressing in on him from all sides.

Leia's mouth was dappling small kisses across his bare chest and he felt as if he were going insane. Eyes pressed tightly shut, one hand rubbed her back as the other gently cradled her head.

Her lips were at his collar bone, his neck, and he found his head lowering until his cheek pressed against hers. Every nerve in his body was flooded with an intense surge of emotion, as if his heart had been unable to contain them and they were rushing like a river all around him, drowning him.

Her cheek slid across his and their mouths fused together, lips clasping desperately. Breath quick and heated, Han was desperate to be close to her. He tore open the front of her shirt, frantic to feel her skin as she forced his shorts down below his hips. He yanked off her bra and she shoved her own pants and under garment to the floor. Their mouths clung together hungrily, tongues thrusting in and out of each other's mouths.

In a passion-filled frenzy, they were on the bunk, Leia climbing on top of him, hands sliding over smooth, beautifully familiar skin. Then he was inside her and it was bliss and agony at once as all else disappeared and they knew only each other's touch.

They came together, pulsating in a furious rush, her hands tightly gripping his hair, mouth open, crying out to meld with his guttural roar of release.

They shuddered in unison for an immeasurable time, both weak, spent, and lost. For a long moment, there were no thoughts; not of the past, present, or future. It crashed down around him in a wicked flash and he felt a sudden dampness behind his eyes. He slung an arm over his face as his breath returned.

Limp on top of him, her breathing slowed as she buried her face beneath his chin. "I love you." He felt her breath against his skin and her voice was a strained whisper. Han could tell she was crying again.

With a blink and a long swallow against the constriction in his throat, Han took a deep breath yet felt as if the air in the cabin had thinned, making it a chore to fill his lungs. He couldn't answer her; what could he say?

An almost-forgotten feeling stole over him. Familiar yet distant, an almost impenetrable armor that hadn't shielded him in so long rose around his heart. He felt nothing just then, his feelings deadened, utterly detached and protected. He lowered his arm away from his face.

"This isn't good bye," Leia said quietly, voice beginning to return to normal. She sniffed delicately and he felt her hand raise from his chest, was aware of her wiping away the evidence of her tears. "I just need to figure things out."

A spurt of anger found its way to the surface and Han shoved it down deep. "Yeah, well, don't expect me to be around when you get back," he answered in a callous tone.

Her head came up quickly but he did not meet her eyes, just stared at the ceiling.

"Han…" Her voice was a soft, barely-audible susurration. "You don't mean that."

"What? You think you're the only one who's got the right to leave?" he asked coldly. Sitting up in one quick motion, he forced her to rise from his chest. He crossed the room to his desk, picked up his shorts and shrugged his legs inside.

Leia remained sitting on the bed. "This isn't about having the right to leave."

Han pulled his shorts up, eyes everywhere but on the woman who was efficiently tearing his life apart. "Doesn't matter," he replied with gruff disdain. "I got nothin' to stick around for." His peripheral vision caught her rising and walking slowly to stand before him.

She watched him for a long, drawn-out moment. "I don't want to hurt you."

His mouth sputtered a brief snort. "Too late for that. But, don't worry, Princess. I always bounce back." His gaze remained on the floor. If he looked at her, his resolve might falter. "Get goin'," he ordered. "You've a got a long day ahead of you tomorrow, I'm sure." He placed his hands on his hips and waited.

"Don't let me leave like this," she said quietly, voice shaking ever-so-slightly.

"Don't look at me," he replied coldly. "I'm not makin' you do anything." He was aware of her eyes still on him. Finally, she moved away and gathered her clothes.

"Will you be here when I return?" she asked in a strained voice as she dressed.

Han shrugged.

Silently, she finished dressing then walked back to him. "I love you. Don't forget that. I want to find you here when I come back."

When it became clear that he had no reply, Leia turned and left the cabin, the door swishing shut behind her with a thundering finality.

To Han, the cabin had never felt so empty. He collapsed into his desk chair, feeling battered. Clenching his jaw so hard it hurt his teeth, he tried to dampen the emotions that were sputtering to the surface. With no one to bear witness, the dam burst and his head fell into his hands.

He was enraged, the pain more than he had ever thought he could feel.

Trust. A word that had no meaning before Leia, had now dragged him breathlessly through an asteroid field, the massive hunks of rock trouncing and mauling him until he was broken.

What now? What the hell was he supposed to do now?


	15. Chapter 15: Divergence

So much confusion and angst for Han and Leia...but they do love each other.

###

Leia sat in the rear seat of the A-Wing fighter, waiting for Luke to arrive. She hadn't slept at all and now felt numb and exhausted.

Last night had been one of the most difficult evenings she had ever endured. She felt bereft, as if she were leaving behind everything that mattered. It was almost like losing Alderaan all over again. A deep resentment bubbled within her. She was tired of always putting herself last; of choosing responsibility over her own wants and needs.

She knew she should center herself, should trust in the Force, but right now she found it impossible. Despair was weighing her down.

Her mind kept coming back to the possibility that Han might be gone when she returned. They had been inseparable since Dagobah. She couldn't fathom life without him.

She didn't want to leave. But, duty called her forward and sent her on this quest. It didn't feel like a choice. It felt like fate.

But, so did Han.

Feeling lonelier than she had in years, she allowed her senses to stretch out and search for Han's well-loved presence. It was early and she wondered if he had been awake all night as well.

There…anger and resentment clouded around him, but what radiated from him more than anything else was a keen feeling of desolation and hopelessness. It wrenched her heart and brought swift tears to her eyes. She closed them and disengaged from Han in order to protect her own sanity.

"Hey," Luke called softly from just above her.

She opened her eyes and found him poised on the ladder to climb inside the cockpit of the A-Wing. Steeling herself, she forced a smile.

Luke's head cocked to one side and his gaze was pensive. "Are you okay?"

Misery swelled further inside her, billowing outward from somewhere deep in her chest. "Yes. No." She shook her head briskly. "I don't know. Let's just go."

He studied her intently for a moment then nodded. "We'll figure things out. Don't worry." He hopped from the ladder and took the front seat in the cockpit.

Leia's gaze fell to her lap. They would figure things out…that was what she was afraid of.

###

Leia had sat in mediation for several hours as Luke conferred with Jarru. Somehow, he seemed more troubled afterwards. But, if these were simple matters, they would not be seeking council with the former Jedi.

Salamir had remained steadfast at her side. On the journey up the mountain, the huge, winged beast had circled above them, high in the sky, as if escorting and protecting them. When they arrived at the top, Jarru had been waiting for them and Salamir had descended upon her, nuzzling against her like a lap-pet and sending her tumbling to the ground with light laughter; a momentary reprieve from her melancholy.

Inside the cave now, beneath the enormous tree, Jarru sat in quiet contemplation, eyes boring into her.

"You must realize that I am no Jedi Master," he said in his deep, resonating voice. "I was barely a Jedi when my kind were extinguished from the galaxy."

"I know," Leia replied softly. "But, my brother and I need guidance and there is no place else for us to seek it."

With a sage nod, he studied her intently. "This is about your consort."

She released a shaky breath. "Yes."

"What is troubling you so?"

She glanced into her lap and took a breath. "What can you tell me about Jedi and attachments?" When he didn't immediately answer, Leia looked back at him again.

He was staring at her thoughtfully. "Well," he replied slowly. "Attachment was forbidden."

"Do you think that was the right decision for the Jedi to make?"

He smiled slightly. "What do you think?"

"I don't know what to think." She could hear the sorrow and confusion in her own voice. "You were taken from your family when you were young?"

"Oh, yes." He nodded slowly, gaze drawing inward. "I don't remember my family."

Memories of childhood flitted through Leia's mind. Mother, Father, aunts…she couldn't imagine growing up without them.

Then again, she never would have imagined being without them now. But, here she was.

"Did you miss having a family?" she asked curiously.

"No. I knew nothing else but life at the Jedi Temple. Nothing but the Force."

It occurred to her then that it had been the norm during the Republic. One wouldn't have questioned it if they knew no other way.

"Being raised by the Jedi and bound by the Force seemed far more magical and important than any other type of life."

"Do you still feel that way?" she asked.

Jarru's expression grew abruptly serious. "I don't know," he replied soberly. "Had the Jedi not been slaughtered, things would have been so different for me. But, as it stands, I was left alone, with nothing. And no one."

"Had you had family, you wouldn't have ended up alone."

"This is true. But, perhaps I would have become something much worse."

"What do you mean?" An inexplicable, foreboding shiver wound through her.

His eyes seemed to gauge her momentarily before he spoke. "From what was said amongst the Padawans, Anakin Skywalker was different from the other Jedi."

That impenetrable wall erected, as always occurred at the mention of the being that was responsible for her birth. "How so?" she asked tonelessly.

"It was said that Anakin came to the Temple at an advanced age."

Leia squinted at this news. It was the oddest sensation to hear about the past and even try to reconcile this unknown, shadowy man with the monster she knew to be Vader. "How old was he?"

"I heard various rumors when I was a Padawan. Some say five, others ten. I've heard as old as twelve."

"That's an advanced age?" Leia asked dryly.

He straightened. "For a Jedi, yes."

Leia fell silent, wondering how much more there was to know of the Jedi and wondering if he had told Luke these things.

"The rumor was that Anakin had been raised by his mother until he came to the Temple. And that his attachment to his mother caused him...difficulties. "

Leia frowned and her brow lowered instantly. There was a sudden burning in her chest. "How so?" she asked in a deep whisper.

"Anakin was very strong in the Force," he began slowly. "He was said to be the Chosen One. We were all in awe of him." With a slight smile at his lips, Jarru paused, reflective, then became somber again. "But, he was reckless. He took risks that the Jedi were not meant to take. And he had trouble keeping his emotions under control."

Leia felt the small hairs on her arms raise as a chill struck her and her stomach began to roil.

"Having been raised at the temple, the other Jedi were taught from birth to control their feelings, not to let themselves be _under_ the control of their emotions." His voice lowered gravely. "Anakin did not have that luxury. He spent his most formative years without Jedi to guide him. And so, he was somewhat of a slave to his feelings. He did not know how to neutralize them and find peace."

She thought back to her childhood, to the way her father and mother had always shown concern for her quick temper. Had they been concerned that it might lead her to darkness? In a small voice, Leia asked the most dreaded question. "Do you think that is what caused him to succumb to the Dark Side?"

Jarru's gaze was steady and locked on hers. "It is entirely possible. He had more anger in him than a Jedi should. And more impulsivity." He paused. "I've often wondered in what state the galaxy might be had Anakin never been found and brought to the Jedi Temple. But, I have meditated on it and realized there is no point in questioning the past. It is unchangeable." He leaned closer to her and his voice deepened with meaning. "It is only the future that is in motion and can be changed."

Leia's brow worried to a frown. What did this mean for her? And Luke? And what about Han? "What about me? I was raised my entire life with no knowledge of the Force."

His eyes turned thoughtful. "I don't know. What we have now is a turning point in the galaxy. A return of the Jedi, with you and Luke, a new breed. There are no other choices but the two of you."

She averted her eyes and sighed. "And if attachment is as dangerous a thing as was believed…does that mean I must give up Han?" She tried to force her gaze to meet his, but was afraid of what she might find there.

"I don't know," he replied quietly. "Only you can decide if that attachment poses a threat to you and your ability to do what must be done."

Head lowered, Leia's eyes rose to meet his. She nodded distractedly, deep in thought. How could she possibly make such a decision?

###

Three days had passed since Leia's departure. Han had told himself he wasn't sticking around, yet here he still was.

In the casual bar onboard the cruiser Home One, Han sat alone, leaning back with one foot shrugged on top of the table before him. He sipped whiskey from the glass in his hand, trying to numb the pain crushing his heart. There were a few other patrons in the room but they steered clear of Han, his visage inviting no company.

The bar, or really anywhere else, was preferable to the Falcon at the moment. His ship held too many memories that seemed to taunt him at every turn. Remnants of Leia's presence beckoned him from every corner of the freighter, bringing a swift, daunting pain that drowned him in a loneliness darker than any he had felt in the past. It was much easier to be anywhere else until he was too godsdamned drunk to think coherently. Then, he could stumble back to the Falcon and pass out on the bunk.

 _Their bunk_. The thought made him angry. Before Dagobah, he had never imagined the bunk being anyone's but his. Now, he couldn't imagine it was only his again.

He couldn't help but recall the way he had felt on Dagobah, making a fool of himself by chasing after Leia no matter how vehemently and violently she pushed him away. This, now, was far worse. Back then he had thought he had learned the true meaning of heartbreak. It had been nothing compared to this.

He was constantly sick to his stomach. The only time his thoughts of Leia were banished was when he consumed enough alcohol to flood her from his mind. Otherwise, he dreamt of her. And when he woke up, expecting to reach out and find her beside him, he could not bear the loss.

The blinding hangover the next morning distracted him from the pain in his heart. There were many excellent reasons to drink. And none to stop.

Chewbacca tried to be optimistic: Leia would surely be back, would come to her senses; she couldn't possibly walk away from him forever; give it time.

Han did not want his optimism. He did not want hope. If she never came back- or worse, if she came back and told him she was done with him- he didn't know what to do.

'Expect the worst' had always been his motto. Otherwise, you'll be disappointed. At best, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

He realized with a start that someone was standing beside his table. His eyes climbed the tall, thin figure to find a female human. After a moment, he remembered who she was. Commander…Waverly, he thought. Leader of Red Squadron. Samira. Commander Samira Waverly.

"Hey," she said casually, a small smile curling her lips upwards. "Can I join you?"

He wasn't interested in company, yet was not drunk enough to be rude. "Sure." He downed the rest of his whiskey, lowered his foot from the table and signaled the serving droid to bring another. The whiskey burned down his throat, bringing a pleasant warmth to his chest and belly. For a moment, he reveled in that warmth, found it soothing and cheerful. It was gone in an instant as Leia's face flickered behind his eyes.

Han's eyes bounced aimlessly around the room and neither spoke while the serving droid retreated to the bar to fetch his drink. When it was placed in front of him, the woman ordered an ale and Han realized he hadn't even thought about ordering her a drink. The droid rolled away to retrieve her drink as she spoke to him again.

"What're ya drinking?"

He took a long swallow. "Corellian Whiskey."

"Strong stuff." Her brow rose over large, green eyes.

"Exactly," Han answered gruffly.

An ale was placed before her and the serving droid was quickly gone. She took a short sip. "I stick to the lighter stuff."

Han stared off distantly and said nothing.

"You hear about the tandem X-Wings we got hold of?"

That caught his attention. His eyes breezed back to her. "How we do that?"

"I don't know the hows…I just know my squadron will be heading out in them in the morning."

He nodded, eyes alight with interest. "Never seen one of 'em up close. How many engines it got?"

"Seven." She grinned.

His head tipped curiously to one side. "That's a lot of power."

"Damn right." Her grin widened as she took a swig of ale.

"Does it still house an R-2 unit?"

"Sure does."

His brow wrinkled thoughtfully. "Huh. Interesting." His eyes lowered to the table before returning to her. "Where you headed tomorrow?"

"Fallinor. We're just escorting an RM-09, so it shouldn't be all that exciting. But, if we run into trouble…" She leaned over the table and closed her hands around the bottle. "We'll be ready for it." One eyebrow rose towards Han. "You wanna take a look at them?"

Intrigued, he thought about it for a brief moment. "Yeah. Sure." He slung back his glass and drained the remaining contents.

They rose together, ambled from the bar, and headed towards the nearest turbolift. She quickly programmed the controls and it began to rise.

"I hear you're flying solo again, Solo."

A whisper of confusion stole through him and when her meaning hit, resentment burned inside him again. "Yeah," he answered in a deadened tone.

"That's a shame," she said in a breathy voice. "Why would anyone let you go?"

She was staring at him meaningfully and Han's gaze sharpened, took in that familiar, flirtatious interest in her expression. He wasn't sure what to do with it so he turned to the lift door as it opened then stepped out. She began to lead him towards the same hangar where the Falcon was berthed.

It had been so long since Han had been with anyone but Leia, and even longer since he had wanted to. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind until her coquettish comment.

They passed the Falcon and he saw her give it a once-over.

"Damn fine ship you got there," she said with a glance askance towards him.

"She might not look like much but I've made a lot of modifications."

"I think everyone knows that." She laughed lightly. "The Millennium Falcon is the stuff of legends."

A flare of pride warmed him for a moment. "Damn right." He found himself smiling for the first time in days.

They reached the opposite side of the hangar and there they were, five tandem X-Wings parked in a row. He stopped and rocked back on his heels, hooking his fingers on each side into the strap of his holster.

"Beautiful, huh?" Her voice was laden with enthusiasm.

"Pretty nice," he murmured, eyes roaming over the modified, augmented armor in the front. He peered up at the extended cockpit that held two seats.

She took a step closer to him. "I've shown you mine, now you show me yours," she whispered.

Han's head spun to her. "What?"

She smiled, the corners of her mouth twisting playfully. "Your ship. I've always wanted to see the inside of the Millennium Falcon."

He contemplated her request for a moment before nodding shortly and turning back in the other direction. He wondered dimly what he was doing then thrust the thought aside and chose to stop thinking.

They walked in silence, the sounds of their footsteps causing a faint echo. It was late and the hangar was deserted and hushed.

At the Falcon's boarding ramp, Han punched in the code and stared straight ahead at the lowering ramp. They ascended without a word and he brought her straight to the cockpit, the most obvious point of interest. She grinned at him and his expression remained stoic.

"Can I sit?" She inclined her head towards the pilot's chair.

He shrugged. "Sure." He watched as she wound her way around and sat slowly, leaning back comfortably.

She was attractive, Han couldn't deny that. Her green eyes contrasted nicely with her olive skin and light brown hair. She was tall and thin with a litheness to her movements. And he wasn't oblivious to her provocative glances or subtle comments. He had participated in this dance more times than he could recount.

Would it matter if he let this happen? Leia could be anywhere in the galaxy right now and he might never see her again. It wasn't as if he had sought Waverly out. He had simply been minding his own business and drowning his sorrows. He wondered suddenly how much the alcohol was affecting his judgement then decided it didn't matter.

 _Fuck it. Whatever happens happens._ He wasn't going to think about it.

Her head turned towards him with an inviting smile. "Can I fly her?"

His eyes narrowed. "Hell no."

She laughed heartily, spun the chair around and stood to face him. "I heard you made the Kessel Run in ten parsecs."

He forced a crooked grin. "Somethin' like that."

With a step closer, her voice lowered. "I hear you shoot as good as you fly."

His voice grew husky in return. "Can't deny that."

"Are you that good at everything you do?" One brow rose and her eyes were dusky as she looked up at him through her lashes.

What was happening? "So I've been told."

She stared at him without blinking and he held her gaze, expression revealing nothing. Slowly, without looking away, she leaned in and pressed herself against the length of him then crushed her lips to his.

Han remained frozen, unable to act. Her mouth moved against his, tongue peeking out to part his lips.

Oddly, he felt nothing. It was as if he were outside of his body, watching some life threatening, natural disaster that was too far away to affect him. He could barely feel her body up against his and her tongue at his lips could have been anything. Was it the alcohol?

No, he realized. It wasn't the whiskey at all. This was not Leia. And he truly did not want anyone but her.

With gentle fingers, he firmly pushed her away by the upper arms. Her eyes fluttered open in surprise before her brow knitted together in confusion.

Han's lips pressed together and he was embarrassed by the entire encounter. He let go of her arms and took a step back. "I'm sorry." His eyes dropped. "I can't do this." He placed his hands on his hips and continued to avert her eyes.

The silence in the cockpit seemed never ending. Finally, she sighed loudly. "Well. I can't say I'm not disappointed. I hope she's worth it, Solo. I hope she comes back to you."

 _So do I,_ he thought, heartache flooding him, almost drowning him. The sudden choking sensation in his throat made him unable to reply. He simply nodded, eyes still avoidant.

A light slap to the shoulder became a gentle squeeze and she fled the cockpit. Han closed his eyes tightly against feelings of grief.

 _I miss you._

He breathed out long and hard around the tightening in his chest. She had hurt him so badly, and yet he would give anything for her to walk through the door into his arms. He wouldn't even question or rebuke her. He would simply enfold her in his embrace and never let her go again.

Nothing had ever hurt this much. All the years of his youth he had spent alone, with no one but himself to rely on, seemed like nothing now. Somehow, he had gritted his teeth and kept his head above the stratosphere. Depending on no one, he had survived more than most could. And somehow, between Chewie and Leia, he had become a better man.

He had never felt so weak before. Even on Dagobah, there had been moments when he felt he could no longer stand the pain, Leia's or his own. But, those moments were fleeting and he was quickly able to recover and persevere. In the face of all that anguish, he had grown stronger, for himself, and even more so, for Leia. And what had flourished between them had forged a bond stronger than durasteel.

Or so he had thought.

He moved forward and dropped into the pilot's seat, placing his head in one hand.

Dammit all to hell. How had things come to this?


	16. Chapter 16: Appeal

The question was asked: Is it Wednesday yet? It is, indeed!

###

Leia had barely slept and felt as if her head were mired in fog. Bleary-eyed, she crawled from her tent and saw that Luke was already awake, sitting at the edge of the mountaintop, staring at the rising sun. She peered past the shadow of his back and took in the dim yellow of the rising sun as it peeked out from the horizon. Wispy, feathery clouds coalesced above, against the gray-blue expanse of sky. For just a moment, Leia enjoyed the breathtaking sight, forgetting her troubles and feeling insignificant in the scheme of things.

With a sigh, she came back to herself and wandered to Luke's side, dropping down to sit next to him. He startled slightly and blinked at her.

"Hey," he called quietly.

"Good morning." They exchanged a brief, affectionate smile before turning their gazes back to the horizon. Leia glanced down at her legs dangling over the side and was thankful that she did not suffer a fear of heights. "How are you feeling?" she asked softly.

He laughed lightly. "No less confused."

"Same here," she replied wryly. "I need to meditate today. Then I will speak to Jarru again."

"That's my plan, too."

Leia glanced at him with a fond smile. They were so often in tune. She lamented, for perhaps the thousandth time, that they were not raised together. How might things be different had she a brother to share things with as a child? Certainly, Luke would be different, being raised someplace that was not dismal and lonely.

Then again, he was the man he was because of his upbringing. Had things been different, would either of them ever have discovered anything about the Force? Perhaps the Force had guided their destinies.

Luke's head turned towards her. "Han loves you so much, Leia. It's hard to think past my own concerns, but are you sure about this?"

She frowned and felt a slight sting of tears that she instantly bit back. "No, I'm not sure about anything. Why do you think I'm here?" Her voice came out harsher than intended.

"I know," Luke answered in a hushed tone. "I just…was thinking about how lucky you and Han are to have each other. Looking back, he was always so dedicated to you, even when he pretended he wasn't."

A heaviness drove down on her heart, guilt and confusion increasing, becoming almost unbearable. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose. When she opened them again, she began to speak about the one time in her life that she never spoken of to anyone other than Han.

"When we were on Dagobah, after everything that had happened on Coruscant…" Leia wondered briefly how much he knew about what she had endured. She had never been sure what exactly he had sensed. "I was a disaster, falling completely apart. I had never been so low, hadn't ever even thought I could fall so far." Her voice seemed distant to her own ears. "And there was Han, trying to hold me up, even when I pushed him away as hard as I could." She paused with a small smile. "I put him through hell."

"He already loved you then," Luke said softly.

She smiled, tears choking her throat again. "I know," she whispered.

Luke's voice erupted from him in a rush. "Leia, I'm so sorry, it was all my fault that you went through all that."

She spun to look at him and found a lone tear slipping down his cheek. She placed a hand on his knee. "It wasn't your fault. I don't think even Han truly believes it is."

"Oh, he does. He's made it clear."

"Han is very concrete. He needs something or someone to blame that's right there in front of him. Unfortunately, you are his only choice at the moment." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "But, deep down, he knows it's not your fault."

"If it wasn't for me, Vader and the Emperor wouldn't have wanted you."

"That doesn't make it your fault." She was relieved to hear him refer to him as Vader, rather than that familial moniker that disturbed her so.

"Oh, yes, it does." Luke's eyes were haunted as he stared down at nothing.

She gripped his hand tightly in hers and his eyes rose reflexively. "How many times have you told me that Alderaan wasn't my fault? The concept is no different. Vader and the Emperor did what they did to me because of evil. They used me as a pawn and that wasn't your fault." Her voice lowered and softened. "You gave up everything to save me."

Luke sighed, nodded, and turned his hand over to clasp hers tightly in return. "What else could I do?"

He could have gone on with his life and not concerned himself with her safety. But, that wasn't who Luke was. "The honorable man that you are couldn't have done anything else."

"If I were so honorable, I wouldn't have fallen to the Dark Side."

"I think…" she began slowly, despising the words she was about to utter. "That you might have been stronger had you not found the father you had always missed and wanted in your life. He used that against you."

Luke did not reply, his eyes remaining averted and troubled.

A sudden, gruff snort sounded behind them and Luke and Leia turned in unison to find Salamir approaching them slowly, head down, eyes large as he sensed their pain. A genuine smile broadened Leia's mouth and he sauntered forward to nuzzle at her neck with his huge muzzle. When he was finished with Leia, he turned to the side and licked Luke's cheek. Leia laughed lightly as her brother wiped off the creature's slobber.

###

A loud roar jolted Han awake and he sat up in a flash, heart pounding wildly. It took a moment for his mind to register that he was in his bunk and that the deafening sound was Chewbacca rousing him from a lovely, deep sleep. He released a huge sigh of relief.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" He became acutely aware of a throb at his temples. "I was sleeping, you big Furball! And I've got a headache." With a grunt of frustration, he turned on his side and closed his eyes again.

Chewie barked at length, which didn't help Han's headache one bit.

He was tired of Han drinking all night and sleeping the day away; he was being pathetic and if this was the way he was going to be, he didn't deserve for Leia to come back to him.

Gaping in disbelief and abandoning all thought of his pounding head, Han sat up and glared at his friend. Before he could defend himself, his co-pilot continued, telling him to get off his ass and let General Rieekan know that he was available for work.

For a moment, Han couldn't respond and felt as if he were suddenly adrift on a violent current. He sat up again and shook his head rapidly, sending a fresh wallop of pain through it. Opening his mouth to reply to Chewie's accusation, he was quick to lose steam before he could say a word. His friend was right. Wallowing in self-pity was not going to get him anywhere.

"All right," he grumbled. "I'll see Rieekan today."

Chewie seemed surprised by his quick agreement. His widened eyes returned to normal and he grunted approval.

Events of the night before abruptly popped into Han's mind and he was flooded with shame. He placed his elbows on his raised knees and buried his face in his hands.

Chewbacca's tone lowered to a soft, questioning grumble.

His head rose and he sighed deeply, eyes lowered. "I did something stupid last night. I brought Commander Waverly back here."

A loud, angry snarl filled the cabin and Han couldn't deny that he deserved the blast of increased pain in his head. One hand flew to his forehead and rubbed.

"I know, I know!" he bellowed defensively. "I didn't go through with it. I sent her away."

Chewie berated him with less vehemence, his tone relenting.

"I dunno. She asked to see the inside of the Falcon…I mean, I knew what she wanted, I can't say I didn't. And I almost let it happen…but, then, it just felt so…wrong, not good at all." He released a hard breath. "I felt like an idiot then and I feel like one now."

Han's gaze was drawn up instantly at his friend's next question.

"No, I'm not gonna tell Leia!" His brow drew down then relaxed again, eyes growing sad. "She might not even care."

The Wookiee assured him that Leia would care.

Han averted his gaze again and shook his head sorrowfully. "I dunno." The ache in his heart overpowered the one in his head. "What if she doesn't come back?" he asked in an uncharacteristically small voice.

It took a moment, but Chewie insisted that Leia would return.

"Yeah, to the Rebellion," Han replied morosely. When his friend declared that the little princess loved him, Han didn't argue, yet wasn't sure that love would be enough.


	17. Chapter 17: Search Your Feelings

Sorry for the delay, had a very long day yesterday that started way too early for a Saturday lol. Enjoy the update :)

###

Luke sat inside the cave with Jarru and Leia remained cross-legged on the soft ground, eyes closed, breathing evenly as she contemplated her future. Salamir lay peacefully nearby, his regulated snores helping to lull Leia into a steady, meditative state.

Allowing her thoughts to drift aimlessly, she hoped that the Force would lead her to an appropriate conclusion…one that would not leave her heartbroken, yet was still the right decision.

Her parents—the only ones that mattered, the ones that raised her—came to the forefront of her mind.

Her mother had always said that she and her father were stronger together than they were apart. In turn, Leia had thought the same of herself and Han, particularly after the way he had helped her heal on Dagobah. She had believed that she would never have recovered without the strength Han had offered; without his faith in her and his encouragement, she truly did not think she could have clawed her way out of the dark abyss in the aftermath of her assault on Coruscant.

It was different for her parents. Although her father dabbled in subterfuge, secretly helping to lead the Alliance since its early stages, he had never had to make the choices that Leia now faced. His secret life never put her mother in danger. And there was no danger of the Dark Side for either.

Her life was vastly different. She knew that Han was more than happy to risk his life for her, but the threats she might come up against were too much for him to handle, as she had seen on Mandalore. It was not as if she hadn't already known this, but the incident with the Mandalorian had made it real to her.

She recalled their conversation on Dagobah, when she had informed him that she would have to face Vader and the Emperor alone. He had argued against her when she informed him that he had no power against the Dark Side, that he couldn't help her. Finally, with no effort at all, she had used the Force to quickly remove his blaster from the holster. She held it in her hand before he even realized what she had done.

The shock and disappointment in his eyes had quickly faded to glum acceptance. Leia could literally feel his dismay and fear for her. It had made her sad. She never wanted to see him hurt.

She was hurting him again, right now. Misery filled her heart and Leia tried to retrieve the peace and reprieve that meditation had brought her. Pushing away the pain, she refocused herself on the flow of the energy that wound through her.

Breathing in and out for some time, she found that balance once again and was able to banish all strong emotions and think more clearly. Her thoughts returned to her parents, whom now brought her peace instead of the sense of loss that had buffeted her for years.

Attachment…

How was this question to be answered? How could she ever be sure of any decision she made?

The repercussions of Mandalore went far beyond the loss of her leg. As painful and traumatic as that had been, it was easy now to shake it off. The rest was much more difficult.

With her senses attune to everything around her, Leia sensed Luke before he appeared at the opening of the cave. Their eyes met expectantly and he looked more at peace than she had seen him since Hoth. She reached out to him and found his feelings matched his appearance.

"It went well," she observed.

He smiled. "It did."

"Have you figured things out?" Her eyebrows rose expectantly.

He nodded breathlessly. "I think so."

Pleased for him, yet envious, she stood and took his hands. "And?"

His expression became determined. "I'm going to return to the Force. But, I need to work on being stronger. More focused. I can't forget what is most important." He paused and his gaze became meaningful. "And I need to work with you, rather than against you. You and I are stronger together than we are apart."

She smiled at him in genuine pleasure then hugged him close. His embrace brought comfort to her troubled soul.

He pulled back and placed his hands on her shoulders. "It's your turn. Go find yourself," he said gently.

Her smile turned down and hesitation returned. With a deep exhalation, she let him go and turned to enter the cave. His words seemed to reverberate in her mind.

 _I need to work on being stronger. More focused. I can't forget what is most important. You and I are stronger together than we are apart._

She came upon Jarru, who sat by a fire that lit the cave. His eyes were closed and he did not seem aware of Leia's presence.

"What have your meditations shown you?" His deep voice rang out in the silence of the large chamber while his eyes remained closed.

Feeling deeply vulnerable, Leia sat across from him, relieved that he wasn't looking at her. She was confused and near tears. "I'm afraid I still have no answers."

Now, his eyes did open and found her. "You must search your feelings."

She lowered her gaze to the flames between them. "I have searched my feelings. I have thought about the consequences to myself, to Han, to the galaxy. Things are no clearer than when I arrived."

"You love this man." His voice seemed exceptionally loud and Leia almost felt as if she were being accused of some unspoken crime.

Now, the tears gathered and she almost felt as vulnerable as she had on Dagobah. "Yes," she whispered. "I love him more than I can express." She closed her eyes against the pain.

"What are you afraid of?"

"So many things," she whispered. She ordered her thoughts before continuing. Her eyes fell to the fire, as if it might hold all the answers. "I'm afraid that my concern for Han will cause me to be weak and make mistakes that will cost the galaxy its freedom."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because of what happened on Mandalore." She could feel her eyes go soft with sorrow. "I faced the Dark One. And in the midst of the battle, he told me Han was dead where he lay slumped against the wall. I was afraid to check on him, afraid to become distracted, but I was terrified that he spoke the truth. I was so concerned with Han that I lost focus…and the battle." She looked up at Jarru earnestly. "If Han hadn't been there, perhaps that wouldn't have happened. In the end, Luke and I defeated him, but he could have killed us all and that would've been the end of the Jedi."

He held her gaze for a long, drawn-out moment and Leia wondered desperately what he might be thinking.

 _I need to work on being stronger. More focused. I can't forget what is most important. You and I are stronger together than we are apart._

Why couldn't she get Luke's words out of her head?

"What else are you afraid of?"

She sighed and looked away again. "I'm afraid of getting Han killed."

"Is he unable to protect himself?"

Her gaze shot back to his. "Under normal circumstances, yes. But, not against the Force."

"How does he feel about this?"

She sighed again. "He doesn't worry about himself. Only about me."

"It would seem the two of you are similar."

She blinked. How had she not seen that?

"Your mind has been too filled with your troubles," Jarru said quietly, a kind smile at his lips.

She nodded thoughtfully.

"Tell me about Dagobah," he implored. "What role did Han play during your training?"

Leia didn't know where to begin. There was so much more to those circumstances than just simply training. But, it was not something she chose to speak of. She searched herself in silence as she tried to decide what to reveal. Jarru waited patiently. When she finally spoke, her voice was low and tentative.

"Before Dagobah, I suffered at the hands of Vader and the Emperor. I was tortured in ways I never could have dreamed of." She shivered as the worst of those memories flickered before her; a vise-like grip at her wrists; face slammed violently against the wall; pain and violation she'd had to force her mind to close against.

Han's impassioned expression, ever persistent and caring, refusing to let her wallow in her own pain and pity, rose in her mind. A tiny smile just barely caught the corners of her mouth. "Han was my strength when I had none. He rescued me from myself."

Her thoughts returned to that moment on Dagobah when she had hit her lowest point possible. When the pain had battered her walls and beat them down triumphantly, leaving her in mindless tears and altogether broken. Han's strong, confident arms had gathered her and held her together when she should have fallen completely apart, like a child's old, busted, abandoned toy. And when that moment ended, she had truly begun healing for the first time.

"I'm not sure I would be here without him," she added in a wistful whisper, eyes on the fire.

"So, you are stronger with him?"

Her brow twisted in consternation. "I was then. I'm not so certain about now." Her mother's words returned to her.

"What has changed?" he asked gently.

Leia thought about this question, uncertain of the answer. She hadn't given it thought before.

Certainly, Han hadn't changed. He remained the same, ardently faithful at her side, ready to defend her in an instant. Had she changed? If anything, she was far stronger than she had been then.

 _I need to work on being stronger. More focused. I can't forget what is most important. You and I are stronger together than we are apart._

What else had Luke said?

 _And I need to work with you, rather than against you._

They needed to work together…

A tiny, hopeful flicker of recognition sparked inside her. The answer was there, somewhere inside her…

 _Stronger, more focused…_

Could she be stronger? Did she have more strength inside her than she felt? Could she be more focused?

She had lost focus due to her concern for Han. He was her strength but had also proven to be her weakness.

Hadn't she been the same for Luke, on Coruscant? His love for her had led to the Dark Side. But, it had also cleared the path for his return to the Light.

And here they were, ready to work together.

And suddenly she knew. Her eyes fell shut and tears amassed beneath her lids as the answer flooded her being.


	18. Chapter 18: Enlightenment

Good time ahead ;)

###

As their A-Wing settled down in the hangar, Leia could barely contain her excitement at returning to Han. She only hoped he would quickly get past his understandable anger and hurt. She was literally willing to do anything to soothe his bruised heart.

The canopy popped open above her and she rose from her seat before Luke had even shut down the engines. Her head turned eagerly to spot the Falcon where it was normally berthed.

Her heart fell to her toes and her stomach lurched.

The spot was empty. Han had left. The tears were instantaneous, although she remained in shock, unable to move.

Sensing her sudden grief, Luke sprung from his seat and followed her gaze. Leia felt his empathy before he even spoke.

"He'll come back." His hand found hers and squeezed firmly.

Leia swallowed hard, throat tight with regret. Her head lowered to shake slowly back and forth and she sniffed against her tears, keeping them in check. "No. I made a horrible mistake and now I've lost him." She had known that returning and finding him gone was a possibility…yet, she had left to seek answers anyway. Perhaps she had gotten what she deserved.

But, her heart felt as if it were a meteor being dragged down by gravity to the surface of some barren, inhospitable planet. Surely, it would crash and burn, never to rise again.

Luke's hand gently smoothed her hair. "Come on," he called softly. "Let's check in. I'm sure High Command will want to speak to you as soon as possible."

She nodded, wanting to bury herself and hide away, knowing that was not a viable option. There was no doubt that Luke was right. Much awaited her and she would have to stand tall and move forward. She had been through it before and knew the drill.

Be the ever-brave, relentless princess they all knew her to be. Hide her pain and plaster that much-practiced smile on her face.

No one would be the wiser.

###

Dazed and distraught, Leia had put off her meeting with High Command until this morning. Still, she did not feel prepared to face the coming day.

With a measure of self-hatred, she dressed in the first uniform her hand landed on and crisscrossed her braids atop her head.

When she turned from the reflector, she noticed the light at the vid-comm blinking. Her heart began to beat a bit faster, sped by sudden hope. Crossing the room, she hit the button to play the message.

When Luke's face rose above the projector, his earnest blue-tinged features gazing at her with eyes that appeared more blue than usual, she felt her face fall in utter disappointment.

"I hope you're feeling better this morning," Luke said. "I'm here whenever you need me. I love you."

She almost smiled but the corners of her mouth were too heavy. Switching off the message, she turned and forced herself to leave her quarters.

Ambling slowly down the corridor, head lowered to the floor that swept beneath her feet, she was reminded of the flight from the Death Star to Yavin. The devastating loss of everyone and everything she ever loved had threatened to consume her. But, with an attack to mount, there was enough to occupy her mind and keep her going.

She could vividly recall the moment when she had been sitting at the game table on the Millennium Falcon, alone, trying to hold herself together and think of nothing but whether or not a weakness would be found in the Death Star plans. Han had stumbled into the hold, looking almost surprised to find her there, as if he had forgotten that she were on board. Their eyes had met and held as Leia remained momentarily unguarded. She could feel the pain apparent in her eyes and knew that her suffering was obvious.

The moment had been brief, yet pregnant with emotion. His eyes flitted away then back and she could clearly read his discomfort. She had been briefly afraid that he would offer her pity and crack her right in half. She didn't think she could have stood that.

Instead, he had quickly turned and disappeared down the access corridor. Leia had breathed a sigh of relief until, soon after, he reappeared in the doorway holding two small glasses and a bottle that clearly contained alcohol. Without a word, he crossed the hold and placed all three on the table. As she eyed him dubiously, he opened the bottle and poured a small amount in each glass. He placed one in front of her and remained standing, holding the glass aloft. He motioned for her to do the same and, frowning, she did so.

"To Alderaan," he declared, lowering his glass to clink it against hers.

Stunned, a warm rush of emotion inflamed her, coursing unexpectedly through her veins. She had watched him down his drink, noticing the movements of his throat as he did so. When he replaced his glass on the table, his eyes flitted around the room but never landed on her. Self-conscious now, she had thrown back the beverage, a burning sensation choking her before winding the warmth down her throat and into her chest. She forced herself not to cough, a herculean effort.

He looked at her for the briefest moment, gave her a terse nod then fled the hold. In his wake, Leia cleared her throat repeatedly.

For three years afterwards, at those times when he had treated her in an unbearable manner, she often thought back to that moment. She had never brought it up to him, but that was the first time he had shown her a sliver of decency, of care.

She stopped dead in the hallway, overwhelmed with the desire to be with him right now. She closed her eyes, swallowing past the lump in her throat. After several deep breaths, she was able to continue.

She sincerely hoped that the meeting with High Command would provide her with enough of a distraction to keep her mind from fixating on Han. She would literally take on anything that would keep her occupied.

She rounded a corner and the being at the end of the passageway caused her to come to a complete halt, mouth gaping open. For just an instant, she thought she were imagining him, willing his form to coalesce before eyes that so sorely wanted to see him there.

He, too, had stopped in his tracks, eyes widened in surprise.

"You're back," Han said, voice low and guarded.

"You're here," she breathed in relief. Tears brimmed at her eyes as they gazed at each other, as if from a great distance. She reached out through the Force, hopeful yet afraid.

Allayment, wariness, and a burst of joy…

Leia launched herself the short distance until she was in his arms where she belonged, now more than ever. He caught her with ease, clasping her close against him and lifting her from the floor as her arms clutched him around the neck. His lips pressed against her temple, her cheek, chin, and finally landed on her mouth, kissing her desperately. Leia's hands wound through his hair, mouth moving beneath his, tears squeezing past her lashes. He tried to pull his face away but Leia strengthened her grip on his head and pulled him back down and kissed him several more times before finally releasing him. He replaced her on the floor and they just looked at each other with naked emotion.

"So," Han began, but his voice came out a croak and he paused to clear his throat. "Does this mean…you've figured things out?"

He half-smiled to soften the question, but Leia could see the trepidation in his eyes.

"Yes," she replied softly, eyes running across his well-loved features.

"And?" He seemed to hold his breath.

Leia placed a hand on either side of his face and stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. She gazed steadily into his eyes. "I don't wanna be anywhere without you."

His relief was instantaneous and apparent. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead gently against hers. "Don't ever do that to me again," he whispered.

Guilt lanced her heart. "No," she whispered, easily feeling the pain radiating from him. "Never again."

He enfolded her in his arms again and they both breathed a contented sigh of relief.

###

"What made you decide that coming back to me was the right thing to do?"

Nestled safely in Han's arms, in their bunk aboard the Falcon, Leia gazed up at him, trying unsuccessfully to banish her guilt. She spoke softly in the dim light. "I realized I had known what was right the entire time." Her eyes lowered and she placed a hand on his arm, stroking tenderly. "I just doubted myself."

"And me," he muttered bitterly.

Her eyes rose rapidly. "No." She shook her head and her voice was emphatic. "Never you."

His gaze was vulnerable when it found hers. "You thought, what? That I would hold you back?"

"No. I thought I would hold myself back. Because I couldn't be strong enough to do what I must when it might put you in danger. And that it would affect the consequences of the galaxy. But…" She bit her lip. "I realized that I needed to be stronger. And that, to be with you, I could do that."

His brow remained creased and Leia could see that he was not appeased. It would take time. She had lost some of the trust he had granted her and now she had to earn it back. This did not bother her; she knew that over time it would happen.

"I'm sorry," she said somberly, meaning it more than words could explain. "I'm sorry I hurt you. If it means anything, it hurt me just as much."

His lower lip jutted out and she could tell, without even using the Force, that he did not believe her.

"What are you thinking?" she murmured.

The engines seemed to whir behind his eyes before he responded. "That it didn't seem so hard for you."

She heard the resentment in his voice and couldn't blame him one bit. "I suppose I can see how you would think that. But, truly, it was. I missed you. So much." She snuggled closer to him, wanting simply to lose herself in his embrace. "I'm never letting you go again."

His arms tightened around her momentarily then relaxed again. A wave of emotion emanated from him. Leia couldn't have missed it had she tried. In that moment, she felt more loved than ever before.

"I love you," she whispered into his chest.

"Love you too." The low words seemed to vibrate in his chest.

She ran a hand across his chest. "When I got back and didn't see the Falcon…" She shuddered internally at the memory. "I thought you'd left for good and that I'd made the worst mistake."

Something flickered inside him, something that seemed to buoy his spirit and assuage his pain. Pleased to find a path towards healing, she continued.

"When I left, I was afraid of what I'd find. But, I found what I hoped for and was so relieved and happy. That I didn't need to give you up to do what was necessary. Only to come back and find you gone. I knew then how you must have felt when I left." She tilted her head up to look at him and he peered back in return, expression now unreadable. He looked away and one hand move to absently stoke her hair.

"Chewie talked me into taking on a mission. He said he was tired of watchin' me sit around feelin' sorry for myself."

Her lips curved to a small smile as she pictured the big Wookiee growling and grumbling at Han.

"I'm so thankful you came back when you did." She breathed a genuine sigh of relief. "It looks like we'll be moving out again soon."

"We?" He tensed beside her.

She spun herself around so that she was on her stomach, chin resting on his upper arm, fully able to look him in the eye. "We," she repeated slowly. "You. Me. Luke and Chewie. There's a new plan in place to destroy the Death Star."

Mollified, he relaxed again. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"Not now." She sighed. "Let's deal with it in the morning."

He nodded tersely and turned his gaze to the ceiling. Leia watched him as his eyes closed and his features settled more peacefully. Her eyes traced the contours of his face in profile, his slightly off-center nose, the curve of his lips, his chin, marred imperceptibly by the scar that seemed rough yet charming at the same time. She reached up one fingertip and grazed his silhouette, from forehead to throat.

"So, what'd you learn about attachment?" he asked, eyes remaining closed.

She contemplated the question for a moment. "I learned that…Vader…" She spoke the name with a touch of venom. "Came to the Jedi Order later in life than was customary. Unlike the other Jedi, who were taken from their families as infants, _he_ was raised by his mother until about twelve. Or close to twelve. The actual age is a bit unclear." She could feel Han's interest spark. "Jarru doesn't know all the facts. But, he said the rumor was that his attachment to his mother made things…difficult for him."

"Difficult how?"

"I'm not entirely sure. He did say that Jedi were taught to control their emotions from a very young age and that since he was not taught that early on, he had trouble controlling his impulses."

He thought for a moment. "That explains some things."

"I guess."

At her stoic tone, he inclined his head towards her but said nothing. Her eyes remained on his shoulder, unseeing. "I meditated on all the questions I had no answers for." She turned her face to brush a cheek across the soft skin of Han's arm.

After a long pause, he asked, "So, what decided it for you?"

"It was something Luke said," she replied slowly. "I had thought long and hard about how Luke's love for me sent him to the Dark Side, but also brought him back. Then, Luke came from speaking with Jarru and said that he realized he had to be stronger and he had to work with me instead of against me. His words kept playing in my head." Her eyes found his again and her voice grew softer. "And I realized. I'm stronger with you than I am alone. And I need that strength. Because, what are we fighting for, if not love?"

The sudden, naked vulnerability in his eyes took Leia by surprise. She felt it too, the way his entire being abruptly melted.

"I'm so sorry, Han." His eyes bored into hers and she hoped he could see just how deeply she meant her words. "I got overwhelmed. I've always handled things fairly well…leading the Rebellion, worrying about the fate of the galaxy, feeling responsible for just about everything. I used to be so confident that I was doing what was right." Her eyes fell away and she swallowed before continuing. "But being a Jedi…" She shook her head slowly. "The Force…with no one to guide me, it has been difficult at times. And Luke stepping away made it even harder. Even lonelier."

"There's always me," he said in a low, coarse voice that sounded just slightly offended.

She looked back to him and saw that his expression matched his tone. "I didn't mean lonely like that," she soothed. "With you, I'm never alone."

He just looked back at her, expression unchanging.

"But, unless you've experienced the Force, you can't truly understand it." She paused with an ironic smile. " _I_ don't even truly understand it."

Han didn't smile back but seemed to relax a bit.

"So, I've learned that I can become stronger, if that's what I need to do. And I'm so sorry that I caused you this pain. But, at the same time, this has helped me to understand my place in the Force and the galaxy. And it's shown me just how much in love with you I am."

He returned his gaze to hers, eyes wary and questioning.

"It's made me realize just how important you are to me, how much you mean to me." Leia placed a light hand against his cheek and stared into his eyes with an unwavering gaze. After a long, poignant moment, he bent his head and kissed her slowly, thoroughly. Mouths moving sensuously, her hand rested against his chest and she could feel his heart beating beneath her fingers with the same familiar, fierce spirit she could sense through the Force.

When they slept, they clung to each other, awakening throughout the night to reach out and slide hands across smooth, soothing skin.


	19. Chapter 19: Retreat

Yes, Han and Leia are back where they belong. But, the struggle is not over yet!\

Thank you for sticking with this story :)

###

Leia left the conference room, her mind filled with what was to come. The latest information from Crimson Wave brought a new sense of hope and she felt mildly optimistic for the first time in quite a while. She would have to fill in Han, Luke, and Chewie before choosing a commando team to accompany them.

Thoughts preoccupied, Leia barely registered the voice addressing her.

"Oh, Princess Leia, you're back."

She halted abruptly and turned her head in that direction. She knew this woman…Commander something, leader of Red Squadron. Before she could summon her name, the woman volunteered it.

"Commander Waverly, leader of Red Squadron."

Leia smiled politely. "Yes, Commander Waverly. I've heard great things about your leadership skills."

"Thank you, Your Highness. Welcome back."

The interaction struck Leia as a bit odd, but she brushed it off. "Thank you, Commander." Before she could excuse herself, the Commander continued.

"Everyone was surprised by your departure."

Leia felt her eyes tighten.

"Especially Captain Solo," Waverly added.

Leia had no idea how to respond. This was exceptionally unusual.

Something shifted suddenly in the woman's eyes, became focused and intent on Leia. "I really like all the modifications Han's made on the Falcon. Especially in the Captain's cabin." Her brow rose in a mock innocent expression. She batted her eyes and spun away.

A cold coil of dread slivered through Leia as she watched the woman's retreating back.

She had made no specific mention of anything in their cabin. But, there was more to it than that. The knowing look, the purposeful bat of her eyes…the simple fact that she had approached Leia at all…

She felt suddenly ill. Forcing a breath through the constriction in her chest, she felt as if she were losing air by the second. She had to get some answers. There was so much going on, so much at stake; she had to be able to think straight. And right now, she felt completely off balance.

Trying to remain calm, she strode to the nearest lift and programmed it for the hangar level. With measured steps, she made her way from the lift, trying to dam her thoughts and force the worst from her mind.

There had to be an explanation. It couldn't be what she was so afraid to hear. It couldn't be.

She found the ramp down on the Falcon and Chewie using the microfuser on something beneath the ship's underbelly. He roared a greeting as she approached and he raised his goggles.

Leia nodded mutely and saw the sudden concern cloud the Wookiee's eyes. He barked a question, inquiring as to whether she was okay, but Leia only ignored him and climbed the ramp with heavy feet. At the top, she closed her eyes against a sudden wave of dread. When she opened them again, she forced herself to search the ship for Han, yet was scared to find him.

She finally encountered him in the Engineering Bay, twisting together a group of different colored wires. He looked up at the sound of her footsteps.

"Hey, Sweetheart."

Leia paused in the doorway, a blank expression on her face. _Don't let it be true,_ she thought desperately. _Let him tell me he didn't._

Concern drew his brow down and one hand fell away from the wires. "Hey, whatsa matter?"

She opened her mouth but her voice caught. _Please, no._

His other hand dropped to his side and he turned to her, placed his hands on his hips and took a step towards her.

"Leia, what's wrong?" He was frowning now.

With a deep, strangled breath, she forced the words from her mouth. "I just spoke with Commander Waverly." Her heart was pounding too hard, she could hear the rhythmic pulse in her ears.

As if in slow motion, Han's entire expression changed, frown sliding into an open-mouthed posture, eyes suddenly wide and filled with shame.

And she knew. Something shattered inside her and she felt her knees weaken, her blood grow frigid. She closed her eyes and Han's voice sounded so very far away.

"Leia!" He took a deep, harsh-sounding breath. "I didn't…nothing happened!"

His hands landed on her shoulders but she weakly shrugged them off. They returned, warmth amidst her cold, and she pushed him away more forcefully.

"I'm going to be sick." Her voice sounded thick and she steadied herself with a hand on the bulkhead.

"Leia, nothing happened! I swear!"

His voice sounded high above her head and she could see peripherally that his hands were splayed at his side. Her eyes fell shut again and one hand raised unwittingly, as if braced to push him away again. "I see it in your eyes." Her voice was quavering and she wondered bitterly how she might possibly summon the Jedi calm she normally strove for.

"All right, look." The panic in his voice dimmed and deepened, becoming steady and placating. He took a step closer to her. "I talked to her one night. She showed me the new tandem X-Wing. She wanted to see the Falcon, so she came on board. But, believe me, I did not sleep with her!"

"Then why do you sound guilty?" Her voice was growing louder. "Why do you… _seem_ guilty?!" She pushed herself to look up at him just as he rubbed both hands over his eyes then through his hair.

He lowered his hands and looked at her, eyes wild. "Okay. I'm sorry. She kissed me. But, that was it." He took a noisy breath.

A sharp grief rolled over her. She sucked in a breath. "That's it?"

"That's it," he declared expectantly.

They stared at each other through a desolate void. "I can't believe this," she breathed, shaking her head briskly and turning her eyes to the floor.

"Leia…" He stepped towards her but she drew back.

"Don't touch me." Her breath was coming too quickly, her chest heaving with a feeling of panic. The utter disappointment in his eyes failed to move her. "You brought this woman here! To our cabin!"

"No!" he yelled. "She wasn't in our cabin. She was only in the cockpit. I Swear!"

She crossed her arms over her chest and lowered her voice to an icy calm. "And you kissed her."

"She kissed me."

"And what's the difference?"

"The difference is I stopped it."

"You stopped it," she declared.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"Why did you let it start?"

A heated breath flew from his nose. "I don't know, Leia. It was stupid, I was drunk."

"You mean _you_ were stupid," she growled.

"Okay, yes. _I_ was stupid. I was." He tried to take her hand but she yanked it away. "Leia, it was nothing. It was a minute of stupidity."

"You kissed her for a minute?"

"I don't know!" he shouted in frustration. "I didn't time it!"

"Well, it must have taken more than a minute to end up here, to decide you wanted her!" Her throat threatened to close and she shut her eyes tightly and breathed in and out.

"I didn't want her!"

She opened her eyes again and glared. "Then what was she doing here?"

"I don't know! I was drunk!"

"Well, it's nice to know that when I'm gone for a few days it only takes a little alcohol to make you forget that you're supposed to love me!"

"That's ridiculous, Leia! You know I love you!"

She was shaking now, could feel her hands trembling. She clenched her fists to attempt to control it. "If you loved me you wouldn't have brought her here!"

"If you loved me you wouldn't have left!" His finger thrust into her face and his jaw clenched.

Livid, she was seething now. "So, that's how you punish me?"

He turned suddenly and bashed his fist against the bulkhead with a roaring scream of frustration before turning back to her with his fists balled at his sides. "I was not punishing you! It was a mistake and I stopped it! Doesn't that matter for anything?"

Something closed up inside her and she shook her head quickly. "I can't take this." She turned quickly and marched into the corridor.

"Wait!"

She heard him stumbling after her but didn't slow her stride.

"Leia! You can't go!"

"I can do whatever I want to," she retorted coldly.

"No!" he shouted with a tinge of desperation. He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her to face him.

"Get off me!" she yelled, pulling away, suddenly desperate to flee.

"No, you're not leaving me again!" His hands gripped her upper arms tightly, digging into her skin.

"I didn't leave you! You don't understand!"

"No, _you_ don't understand," he growled, still clamped onto her arms. "I didn't know if you were coming back to me. To the Rebellion, yeah. Of course. But, to me…how the hell did I know what you'd decide?"

"I told you I wasn't leaving you," she gritted between her teeth.

He pulled her closer and his hands slid to her shoulders. "Everyone leaves," he snarled darkly. "I learned that a long time ago."

Something froze inside her and Leia was suddenly torn in two, tears pulling at her relentlessly. It occurred to her that her leaving Han had hit him harder than she had realized. She had been so preoccupied with her own concerns that she hadn't taken Han's past into consideration.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," she said in a quiet, tremulous voice. "I truly am. Walking away to question things hurt me as well. And I get it. You were scared. You were angry and hurt. I understand." She took one deep, steadying breath. "But, if it were reversed, my first instinct would not be to fall into someone else's arms." Those final words seemed to weaken her.

His voice lowered in response to hers and his grip on her shoulders slackened. "It wasn't my first instinct, Leia. I wasn't thinking clearly. And I was miserable. And once she was here I realized how much I _didn't_ want anyone but you."

Their eyes held for a long, pregnant moment and Leia's walls threatened to lower. Instinctively, she had shielded herself from his feelings, finding her own too much to bear. She hadn't even realized she was doing it until just then. Resentment, hurt, and loneliness swirled inside that barrier, battering her soul.

In her mind's eye came a vision of Han standing in the cockpit with the Commander, grinning that charming, lop-sided grin as he stood too close to her. She felt sick again.

"I have to go." She started to turn but Han held her fast.

"No! Don't you walk away," he gritted out.

"I can't take this, I have to go." She tried weakly to pull away but she hadn't the strength and he let go of her shoulders to quickly grab her upper arm with one hand.

"Don't leave me." His voice was desperate.

Tears blurred her vision and she shook her head maniacally. That dreaded picture flashed in her mind again.

"Leia, I love you." His words were low and sincere.

Leia's eyes squeezed shut and the tears finally spilled down her cheeks, a dam bursting to overflow. One strangled sob escaped her and suddenly Han's arms were around her, bundling her against his chest, and she no longer had the strength to fight him.

The pain seemed unendurable and somehow, she ended up sitting on the deck, Han's arms holding her tightly. He began to rock her back and forth, making soothing sounds of comfort as she wept, tears steadily coursing down her cheeks to drip from her chin.

"I'm sorry," he said in a thunderous whisper. "I'm sorry."

Her mind blurred and she became dizzy with despair. Finally, she began to draw on the Force and breathe fixedly, striving to calm herself.

"I love you," Han breathed, kissing the top of her head.

Eyes closed, she cleared her mind and closed off the tears, drawing on the Force to calm her. When she was still and quiet, she felt suddenly numb, unable to feel anything at all and utterly drained. She knew she had to move, had to do something; but, it was easiest to remain in place and do nothing but breathe.

It seemed an eternity before she forced herself to sit up straight, eyes and mind avoiding Han. His arms remained loosely around her.

"Don't go," he pleaded quietly.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she replied truthfully, eyes on the deck. It occurred to her that she could indeed leave him, but it didn't truly seem like an option. She knew she loved him and couldn't go on without him, even in this moment when she felt nothing. She thought about getting up but realized she would feel bereft if she did so.

They remained, sitting on the deck for some time.

"I love you," he declared again. "We'll get through this."

Leia nodded wordlessly. He was right; they would have to. They hadn't endured all the hardship of the past few years just to give up now. But, at the moment, she felt beaten and bruised.

It occurred to her that she had work to do, but she could barely think. With a sigh, she acknowledged that just this once, she needed to put her well-being before her duty.

Han scooted closer and enfolded her in his embrace again, stroking her hair. She rested her head on his shoulder, aware that his touch was soothing, yet feeling nothing. Other than sheer, utter exhaustion.

Han's hand moved repetitively across her hair and they sat just so for a time. Finally, she sat up and moved slightly away from him.

"I'm so tired. I need to lie down." She stood and he followed suit, both staring awkwardly at the deck below their feet. Leia felt as if she had aged tremendously in the space of however long they had been there. She had no idea how much time had passed.

Without another word, she turned and began to trudge through the corridor. When she turned to make her way to the boarding ramp, Han spoke suddenly from behind her.

"Where're you going?" he asked in a panicked tone.

"My quarters," she said without stopping. Even though it was well known that Leia spent most nights aboard the Falcon, she was always assigned her own quarters.

He caught her arm and she was forced to stop. "Don't. Please. Don't go."

Her eyes met his for the first time in a while. He looked like a wounded tufta cub, eyes huge, the wrinkles in his forehead deeply furrowed. She almost felt like crying again at the sight of him but she forced her emotions to deaden again.

How could you love someone so much and yet cause them such pain?

He took a step closer and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Stay. Please. If you want me to, I'll sleep in the crew quarters. Just…don't leave." His eyes begged her.

She blinked back sudden tears. Her feelings were all over the place, darting back and forth like a ball in a bongo court. Defeated, she nodded wordlessly then turned around and headed to their cabin.

As she passed through the threshold, she couldn't help but picture Commander Waverly walking the familiar path. She spun to face Han.

"Do you promise that you didn't…?" She was unable to finish the question.

She didn't have to. Han stepped close, took her face in his hands and held her gaze captive in his. "Leia, look at me. Nothing happened. I promise. I love you too much to do something that could destroy us."

She studied his earnest expression, the way his eyes never wavered from hers, then decided she believed him. With a deep breath, she nodded acknowledgement.

She gently pulled from his embrace and turned to retrieve a sleepgown from her storage compartment. It occurred to her that she had only worn one to bed with Han a handful of times. As she pulled it from the compartment, he spoke from behind her.

"You want some tea or something?"

She spun back to him, clutching the gown to her chest. The tension felt like the web of a ray-sprider settling between them. "Tea." She said it as if the word were foreign to her. "No, thank you. But, I think I would like some whiskey." It seemed more likely to relax her. And maybe numb the pain enough to sleep.

His brow rose in surprise. "Sure," he said too quickly. He turned and left the cabin.

Leia sat down heavily on the bunk, unable to remember the last time she had felt so uncomfortable there.


	20. Chapter 20: Drifting

Thank you for all the love :) How will they ever move past this? Let's find out! ;)

###

Han's hands were shaking as he poured a generous portion of whiskey into two glasses. He quickly downed one, grimaced at the burning in his throat then refilled the glass. Turning away from the counter, he leaned back, closed his eyes, and ran a hand down his face.

It felt as if he were trembling on the inside also. Never had he been so scared of anything in his life as he had been at Leia's reaction to what happened with Waverly.

And _what_ had Waverly even said? There wasn't even much to tell.

Why, why, _why_ did Leia have to find out about it? It had been so inconsequential. Han had forgotten all about it until Leia mentioned her name.

It was amazing how a few minutes could almost ruin his life. Thank all the Gods that he hadn't gone through with it. He never could have looked her in the eye and denied it.

He picked up the filled glasses and slowly walked back to the cabin. He was scared. Scared that Leia might change her mind and leave; scared that she would never come back; and scared that he wouldn't be forgiven.

He didn't think he had ever felt so insecure. With Leia or anyone else. Having volunteered to sleep in the crew quarters, he now desperately hoped that she wouldn't hold him to that. He needed the reassurance of her presence. Otherwise, he would feel as if he were hanging over the abyss all night, praying not to fall. As things stood, it seemed it would be some time before things were back to normal between them. But, at least she had agreed to stay. Had she left, Han would have felt hopeless.

He paused outside the cabin door, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply through his nose. After a moment's pause, he exhaled slowly through his mouth. Unfortunately, it did nothing to ease the knots in his stomach or still the excessive pounding of his heart. When was the last time he had been so nervous with Leia?

 _Dagobah,_ he realized. When she had been so broken and angry that she had pushed him away with such vehemence that it had crushed him. Then, he had done nothing to deserve it, had been only a victim of circumstances. Now, he knew he had fucked up. He was just glad he had retained the presence of mind not to fuck up even worse.

With a sigh, he used his shoulder to hit the panel that opened the cabin door. It swept aside and he entered, his heart somewhere in the vicinity of his throat.

Their bunk was not large. But somehow, sitting alone and looking so forlorn, Leia looked very small. It brightened his spirits momentarily when he noticed that that she was on her side of the bunk, rather than in the middle, dismissing him. Then again, perhaps that had only been out of habit.

She was wearing one of her white sleepgowns, the one that was reserved for when they had visitors aboard. It left everything to the imagination and was far from Han's favorite. The fact that she had chosen that particular gown was not lost on him.

She looked up at him briefly as he entered then turned her eyes away. She took the proffered glass from him silently and, as Han held his in his hand, he felt the craziest urge to raise his glass and clink it against hers, in some semblance of normalcy. How many times had he done just that, followed by some silly toast?

He was surprised when, before he could move, Leia threw back the whiskey in one long swallow. She placed her glass on the small table beside the bunk and abruptly noticed his open stare.

For a split second, things felt normal again. Leia raised one eyebrow at him and he smiled slightly. e nHeHer eyes lowered and her expression dimmed.

With a sinking disappointment, Han downed his whiskey and placed it on the table beside hers. He watched Leia lay back against her pillow and close her eyes. The silence between them was oppressive and he crossed his arm over his chest, rocking nervously back and forth on his heels. He cleared his throat in apprehension.

"You, uh…want me to go sleep in the crew quarters?" he asked quietly, steeling himself for her response.

She seemed to think about it before shrugging her shoulders, eyes still closed. "It's your bunk."

"It's _our_ bunk," he replied forcefully, frowning.

She shrugged again, expression impassive. Han decided to take that as a 'no.' Feeling uncharacteristically awkward, he turned away and stripped off his clothing, leaving on his undershorts. He normally took them off, but considering her sleepgown, he decided to keep them on.

When he turned back, he saw that Leia had turned on her side, away from him, curling into herself on the far edge of the bed. It wrenched his heart and filled him with a deep, pitiful longing.

Climbing into the bunk, he settled on his back, leaving a space between Leia and himself. He didn't think he had ever felt so lonely and cold in his own bunk. He lay there for a time, just breathing and trying to come to terms with what had happened.

He ached to be close to her but was too afraid to bridge the distance. If she shoved him away, he didn't think he could take it. He had never felt so emotionally fragile.

Everything had been such a whirlwind of strong emotion lately. It felt as if he had been run through a black hole, only to come out the other side in an alternate reality. Things had gone so quickly from holo-perfect to disastrous.

He tried to console himself with the fact that Leia was still here, even if she seemed so far away at the moment. She could have left. Or even told him to leave.

What had he been thinking that night? He hadn't, he acknowledged with a clench of his jaw. Self-pity and alcohol were a powerful mind eraser.

He loved her so deeply…and he had been feeling heartbroken and lost, expecting her to return and tell him they couldn't be together. It had been no easy feat to accept the love and trust that Leia gave him, had been even harder to learn to trust her so completely. The thought of being without her had returned him unwittingly to familiar feelings of the past, when he would not allow himself to truly care for anyone and he relied only on no one. He did not ever want to go back to that remote, desolate existence. He had found life with Leia, had found himself and, finally, a sense of true belonging.

 _Family._

Han had found family for the first time in his life. And he wanted to cling to it with all his strength.

He was clutched by a sudden need to be close to Leia, the void between them causing him to feel gutted. He took a breath and closed his eyes tightly. Unable to stand it any longer, he slowly rolled his side, facing Leia's back. He took in her small form, agonizing over his actions. With a small scoot closer, he waited to see if she would rebuff him. When nothing happened, he inched closer. Maybe she was asleep?

Gathering all his nerve, he breathed in deeply one last time and closed the gap between them, folding his legs to spoon behind hers, and placing a tentative arm around her torso. He felt her stiffen at his touch and braced himself, ready for her protest.

It never came. Instead, she eventually relaxed within his embrace. He breathed an audible sigh of relief and wound his arm up beneath her cheek, hugging her more tightly, in the familiar position in which they often fell asleep. He closed his eyes and tried to take comfort in this bit of intimacy.

Maybe everything would be okay after all.

###

Leia woke in the near darkness of the glow panels, an inexplicable ache in her chest. She felt a chill in the air as the events of earlier assaulted her.

They had fallen asleep intertwined, and she had slept more deeply than usual. She didn't feel him touching her now and refused to turn around. Reaching out with the Force, she detected his presence behind her, foggy and heavy with sleep.

He was probably as exhausted as she had been. With a deep breath, Leia closed her eyes, unable to deal with the torrential feelings swirling within. She longed to return to the comfort of sleep, but the thread was already lost.

She had no idea what was going to happen now. She loved him. Absolutely and without question. That was why this hurt so damned much. But, how would they ever return things to normal between them? At the moment, it felt impossible.

Leia tried to remind herself that he hadn't actually slept with that woman.

The thought made her feel sick again and she sucked in a quick breath, squeezing her eyes shut.

The thought should have brought her comfort, yet did not. He had considered it, had brought her onboard the Falcon with just that intention.

Was she lacking in empathy that she couldn't even imagine the idea? Even if Han had left her for good, it would be unthinkable to immediately consider falling into bed with another man. Was this simply a difference between men and women? Was she being naïve?

Her stomach grumbled and she peeked at the chrono to check the time. She hadn't eaten in close to twenty-four hours, but the thought of food only upset her stomach more.

What if she had never found out? Why had that horrid woman even felt the need to hint at what had happened? She had even exaggerated the circumstances. What did she have to gain by that?

Perhaps Leia was so lost because of her inexperience. Han was her first relationship. Had she idealized things? Was this normal?

With a measure of dread, she turned to her other side to face him, keeping her eyes averted for a long moment before looking at him.

He lay on his back, lips slightly parted, peaceful. Instantly, she pictured Waverly's lips on his and she quickly shut her eyes and forced the image from her mind.

As if sensing her turmoil, Han began to stir, shifting his legs and causing the mattress to dip towards him. Leia opened her eyes and watched him, almost curious about his waking thoughts. One arm rose to cover his eyes momentarily before he turned on his side, facing her. His eyes fluttered open and, for a long moment, they just looked at each other. His expression was no different from any other morning. Then, confusion suddenly stained his eyes and his brow lowered. It hit him in an instant; Leia clearly saw the moment the situation came back to him. His eyes fell from hers and the swift repentance that fell over his visage was severe. She thought she saw his cheeks color a bit as his brow drew sharply downward and his lower lip jutted out.

Leia said nothing but continued to watch him, the wall between them palpable. She couldn't imagine how to banish it.

His eyes rose to hers, reluctant and fearful.

"Good morning," she said, simply to end the moment.

"Morning." His voice was a croak. He cleared his throat, eyes flitting away several times before settling back on her. He looked even more uncomfortable than she felt. "How do you feel?"

Leia's gaze grew inward as she tried to honestly assess herself. "I don't know," she answered truthfully. She seemed to be keeping her feelings at bay, while his were glaringly obvious. She couldn't decide how she felt about that either.

He looked away and swallowed hard. "Okay," he said quietly.

Confused, Leia decided to open herself to his feelings. She couldn't figure out her own; she might as well examine his.

She reached out tentatively through the Force and was instantaneously hit with a wave of deep shame. Beneath that lie anguish and grief that rivaled her own of the night before. It hit her harder than expected and she felt her own shields start to weaken and melt.

He must have seen it in her face because he drew himself closer and placed one light arm around her, as if afraid she might shatter if he held her too tightly. He pressed his lips gently, almost reverently, against her forehead and she closed her eyes against the sweeping emotion that engulfed her. It was too much, too soon.

"I love you so much, Leia," he breathed against her forehead.

She could feel that it was true…his regret and sorrow were real, and he did love her as much as ever.

A gaping hole seemed to form in her chest and the urge to cry almost overwhelmed her again. With a deep, shuddering breath, she held it at bay.

Shuffling a bit closer, his mouth moved near her ear and his warm breath tickled the stray hairs resting against her cheek. "How can I make this better? I'll do anything," he whispered.

What could he do? Leia couldn't think of a thing. But, she knew they would have to work things out. She loved him too much to let this be the end. And they were both so damned sorry.

She sighed. "I need time," she said in a low tone.

"Whatever you need." His voice was soft but rough in the quiet of the cabin.

Since she didn't know what else could be said or done at the moment, Leia did what she always did to avoid pain and discomfort. She focused on work.

"I need to get up," she informed him in an impassive voice. "We have a meeting this morning. It's important. You, Luke, and Chewie need to attend." Before he could respond, she disentangled herself from his grasp and left the bed. As she crossed the room the find some clothes, she cut off her awareness of his feelings. They would be too distracting when there was so much to be done. And, she couldn't manage her own right now, much less his.

As she rifled through her wardrobe, she heard him sit up behind her.

"What's going on?" he asked, taking her lead. His voice almost sounded normal.

Leia pulled out a clean uniform, turned back to him, and made a show of looking it over to avoid Han's eyes.

"Crimson Wave has a plan. First thing we have to do is acquire a set of detailed plans of the Death Star's power core."

"Consider it done." The confidence in his tone drew her eyes to his.

He gave her a tentative smile and she didn't know what to do. She stood for a moment before clutching her uniform to her chest.

"Nine hundred hours. High Command conference room. Bring Chewie."

"Okay." His eyes held a touch of disappointment.

She nodded. "See you then." Quickly, she fled the cabin and the discomfiture. The door slid shut behind her and she trudged down the hall to the refresher.

The upcoming missions should keep them busy enough to distract them from this mess. She sighed deeply and buried her thoughts and feelings, something she hadn't had to do in quite some time.


	21. Chapter 21: Life Goes On

I'm so happy everyone is enjoying this story. Only 6 chapters until the end (after this one)! As this chapter title state, life goes on, whether our heroes are ready or not...

###

 _You never know where the road leads you,_  
 _Not everyone's gonna believe you,_  
 _And even though they're wrong, don't prove them right._

-Conqueror by Estelle and Jesse Smollet

"Sir, I'm afraid to even calculate the odds that this ship will be recognized by Imperial Forces."

Irritated by the golden droid's comment, Han tossed him a glowering glance. "So don't," he growled tersely.

"But, Sir, this does not seem to be a safe route of passage, certainly it would be more prudent—"

"Can it!" Han gritted out. Chewie backed him up with a threatening roar.

"Threepio," Leia said patiently from the navigator's chair behind his pilot's seat. "The reason we took the Falcon to Hydian Way is because it is the least recognizable as a Rebel ship."

"And I've got lots of fake IDs," Han added, eyes on the controls he was adjusting.

Chewie growled menacingly before the droid could protest again. Han resisted the urge to glance back at Leia. There was still a great deal of tension between them, but they seemed to have come to a mutual, unspoken agreement to leave their differences behind and focus on the mission.

"We'll hit the given coordinates in about ten standard time-parts," Han informed them.

"This feels a little too familiar," Leia muttered.

It took her meaning a moment to fall into place in Han's mind. He realized that she was referring to the incident when she received the plans to the first Death Star. Just like then, they were going to await a transmission to be beamed aboard the ship.

"Let's hope it goes better this time," Han said.

Chewbacca grunted agreement and Leia said nothing.

"Oh, I certainly hope so, Captain Solo," Threepio responded in his most nervous, mechanical voice. "I don't think I could stand another adventure such as that one."

With a roll of his eyes, Han wondered yet again why they had brought the droid along.

He hoped things would play out smoothly. They needed something to go right. And perhaps with the tension of the mission lifted, Leia might soften towards him.

He didn't know how to act with her. He had promised to give her time and that was what he was currently doing. So, he let her set the pace. She allowed him to hold her while they slept, but he was leery to even kiss her at the moment.

She was distant at worst, friendly at best. Han felt frustrated and morose but forced himself to remain patient.

There was a sudden, jolting shot to the Falcon that sent everyone lurching forward. They hadn't anticipated trouble at this point and did not have their restraints fastened. He felt Leia slam into the back of his chair as he went flying into the control panel, jamming one hand across the jagged edge of a damaged instrument. He felt it cut his skin and the wetness of blood at his fingers.

"Leia!" he shouted in alarm as he spun to see if she was all right.

"I'm fine!" she answered in an alarmed shout.

"Oh no!" Threepio shouted woefully as he tried to right himself against Leia's seat.

He appraised her quickly, noting the dark bruise on her forehead. Otherwise, she seemed intact.

Chewie roared ferociously as Han's hands scrambled to check the sensors and everyone else fastened their restraints.

The ship was hit again with a loud blast that shook them, but Han was the only one who crashed forward, into the panel. He steadied himself without injury.

"Han! Your restraints!" Leia yelled.

Before he knew what was happening, the restraints were moving seemingly of their own accord. The straps fastened around him and a dumbfounded moment later he realized it had been Leia's doing.

His eyes returned to the sensors and he spoke under his breath. "Warning shots."

Chewie, with his acute sense of hearing, howled a response.

Han agreed silently. Specs came up of the attacking ship to confirm it.

"Pirates," he grunted.

Behind him, Leia made a sound of irritation. "Great," she said dryly.

"Don't worry," Han assured her. The comm system bleated and blinked. "They're hailing us." He reached forward and opened the connection.

An accented, male voice spoke in Basic. "—if you would like to survive. Repeat, unknown freighter, this is the ship Out for Blood. Prepare to be boarded. Hold your position and surrender peacefully if you would like to survive."

Han took a breath before pressing the button to speak back to them. "Out for Blood, this is the freighter Star Tripper. We are carrying no cargo. I repeat, we are carrying no cargo."

A long, barking laugh greeted them in return. "Star Tripper, that's what they all say. Hold your position."

Han broke the connection and muttered just loud enough for the others onboard to hear. "To hell with that."

"We're doomed!" Threepio wailed.

"Chewie, take evasive action."

The Wookiee roared boisterously but before a move could be made, the ship jolted with a whine of the engines. Han swore darkly.

"How'd a ship that size get a tractor beam?" he grumbled.

Chewie barked a few ideas in the space of a few breaths. Han shut down all power and wracked his brain for the next step.

"Okay," he said hastily. "They're gonna board at the starboard docking ring—"

Before he could say another word, Leia's hand was on his shoulder and she finished for him.

"I've got this." Her head tipped towards the cockpit exit. "Come on."

Their eyes held for a moment as he tried to ponder what Leia had up her sleeve. In the end, as always, he decided to simply trust her.

At least some things were still the same.

###

Lightsaber poised and ready, Leia had urged the others to stand behind her, blasters drawn. She had felt the way Han bit back a protest. He had learned to trust her instincts and abilities, but his gut reaction was always protective.

All else aside, that was one of the things she loved about him. He trusted her wordlessly, even though he hated to see her placed in danger.

The conflict between them threatened to crawl into her thoughts, but she pushed it aside and concentrated only on the present.

A loud thud sounded and reverberated in the surrounding corridor. She looked at Han over her shoulder.

"They just connected their transfer slide," he explained grimly.

With a brisk nod, she turned back and reached out her senses. There they were…

"Six of them," she informed her companions. "All intent on entering." She reached out further. "Six more on the ship. They don't seem to think this will be difficult."

No one said a word. They waited some time before there was a whirring sound. Leia realized they were prying open the docking ring.

With a sudden crash, the doors of the ring flung open and a barrage of blaster fire streaked at them. Without a thought, Leia blocked the shots with her blade, sending one to zip back at them and down one of the pirates. Behind her, Han and Chewie were shooting back, protected by the flash of her blade. She was aware of three more pirates being taken down by them. The final two were advancing into the corridor and Leia heard one bellowing into a comlink, requesting back-up.

She sprung forward, landing behind one of the pirates and slicing him quickly in half. His body thudded to the deck.

Footsteps pounded behind her and she spun to find four more pirates rushing towards her from the tunnel. Behind her, she sensed the demise of the last of the first crew of six as he fell heavily to the floor.

Position tenuous, Leia moved closed to the docking ring opening to gain advantage. They were charging towards her, shots firing wildly. Leia deflected them quickly, but was startled when one whizzed past her blade.

At the same moment she dimly heard Han grunt in pain, Leia felt the blow land, the sharp, shocking pain that struck him. It pounded her just as surely as it did Han, the sudden gash knocking her entire being askew.

She recovered instantly; there was no room for error. Pushing Han entirely from her awareness, she gained new focus, eyes intent on the enemy.

The Force pulsed through her more thoroughly than before and she was suddenly more in tune, able to anticipate the pirates' moves even more quickly.

In a blitz of movement, she was in the tunnel, slashing her blade left and right, parrying laser fire and countering it with sweeping blows that wiped out their attackers with rapid ease.

When they had all been felled, Leia spun and returned to the corridor, closing the docking ring hatch and using the blade of her lightsaber to solder it shut.

The blade retracted as Leia dropped the lightsaber to the deck and she bolted to Han's side. Chewie was holding him up around the waist and Han's hand was covering his right shoulder, a grimace twisting his lips.

"Are you okay?" she asked hastily, placing a hand on his left arm.

"Yeah," he answered gruffly. "Just grazed me." He stood up straighter and shrugged Chewie away from him. "Get off, ya Big Oaf! I'm fine."

The Wookiee grunted back and there was a sudden screeching sound that reverberated through the ship. All heads turned towards the docking ring.

Han mustered a slight grin. "I think they just took off without even disengaging their transfer tunnel."

Leia breathed a sigh of relief, but was still concerned about Han. "Let's get to the medbay."

"No," Han replied forcefully. "We have to get to the rendezvous point before it's too late. We've already lost time."

Leia bit her lip. She knew he was right. "Okay. But as soon as we get the plans—"

"I know, I know."

They made haste to the cockpit and when Han took his seat, Leia saw the hole in his shirt and the burnt, bloody wound on his shoulder. She winced then thanked the Force that it hadn't been worse.

As she watched, he reset the course for the rendezvous point, increasing the ship's speed to make up for lost time.

Han had been hurt, and yet, it hadn't driven her to distraction. She had forced him from her mind and doubled her focus on the task at hand. Surely, that must mean her attachment to him did not weaken her. When it came down to it, they were good together…and good _for_ each other.

Her anger and pain over what had happened were beginning to fade. It still hurt when she thought about it. But finally, she was beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel…a time when they would be okay again.

What didn't kill her made her stronger…perhaps that was true of them, too. What did not tear them apart might bond them more strongly together.

###

With the plans secured, Leia had ushered Han to the medbay. He protested the entire way but, as usual, she won this particular battle.

Gingerly, she pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it onto the medbunk he was leaning against. He didn't allow his face to give away the sting of pain when he raised his arms to allow her to remove the shirt. It was just a little blaster burn, he'd been through much worse.

There seemed to be a lightening to her interactions with him…the heavy, oppressive cloud of gloom that hung over them appeared to be dissipating. Han was thankful.

It felt as if they were on opposite ends of a dilapidated, old bridge that was poised over a chasm, each too afraid to cross to the other side. But, they were both still there, waiting. Leia hadn't walked away from him and that was what mattered most.

He watched her as she retrieved medical supplies from the cabinet. "Does that hurt?"

"Does what hurt?" she asked distractedly.

"Your forehead."

"My…?" With a puzzled expression she reached up and touched the bruise then winced. "Oh. I forgot I hit my head."

"I guess it doesn't hurt that bad."

She returned her attention to the supplies.

"Great job back there, Sweetheart," he said suddenly.

She met his eyes for an instant before opening the bottle of disinfectant and pouring some on a swab. "Thank you."

Her response sounded a bit more formal than he would have preferred. When she returned to him, he leaned down and gently kissed her bruise. He allowed his lips to linger, enjoying the momentary intimacy.

When she pulled away, her eyes were turned to the floor, but Ha could see the gesture had affected her.

Without acknowledging his action, she steadied the opposite shoulder as she gently dabbed at his wound. It burned but he did not react. Han took in her grim expression and wondered what she was thinking.

Once the wound was clean, she tossed the swab in the trash bin and retrieved a tube of bacta gel. She squeezed out a small amount and soothed it over the burn with a light touch. The gel cooled it, dimming the pain.

Her serious expression was troubling in the light of the mission's success and, when she moved to turn away from him, he caught her lightly by the wrist.

"Hey," he said in a low, somber voice. "What's wrong?"

Her suddenly wide eyes flew to his and her lips contorted to a grimace. Gracefully, she removed her wrist from his grasp and went to the sink to wash her hands. "I'm sorry, Han," she said stoically as she rubbed her hands beneath the flow of water.

His brow drew down. "For what?"

She rinsed her hands, grabbed a disposable towel to dry them then tossed that in the trash bin. "That I let that shot get by me." In one quick motion, she grabbed the synthflesh from a cabinet.

"Don't be ridiculous," he dismissed with a wave of his hand. "It's not your fault."

Leia's eyebrows rose to a dubious expression and her mouth screwed up to one side, but she said nothing as she placed a square of synthflesh over his wound.

"Hey," Han beseeched quietly. He reached up and took her chin in one hand, causing her eyes to reflexively meet his. Her hands stilled at his arm and they just looked at each other, a tranquil emotion flowing between them. "You're not perfect," he said lightly.

A flicker of annoyance clouded her eyes momentarily. "I never meant to imply that I was." She yanked her chin from his grasp and her fingers went back to smoothing out the synthflesh.

Han watched the set of her jaw. "Ya know," he began in a casual tone. "When I found out you'd been captured on Hoth, I blamed myself. I knew that if I hadn't left when I did, that never woulda happened." He paused for a moment, shaking his head sadly at the memory. Leia's fingers still worked the synthflesh on his shoulder. "Then when I saw you…" He took a harsh breath through his nose. "And found out everything…I just hated myself."

"That wasn't your fault," she said in a stilted tone, fingers still busy.

"Technically, no. But, I still felt responsible. Even now, I still have some guilt. If I had just waited a little longer, maybe I coulda spared you that pain."

"And who knows where we would be now?" She shook her head abruptly. "You can't question the past. In fact, you're the one who taught me that." Finished, she lowered her hands and took a step backwards. "There," she said softly. "Good as new."

Han took both her hands in his. "My point is, don't blame yourself for one little blaster bolt getting past you. Look, I'm fine." He smiled tenderly.

She gazed up at him, eyes momentarily vulnerable. "The problem is, it could have been much worse. I'm supposed to protect you."

"Isn't that my line?" he asked dryly.

Her mouth opened then shut again before settling wryly.

He smiled. "How many times have I said that to you? And you've told me over and over that I can't protect you all the time."

"That's different."

Han could tell that she was clinging only tenuously to her argument. "Different how?"

"Because I'm a Jedi."

"So what? Jedi don't make mistakes?"

"Of course they do," she replied in a testy tone. She softened her voice before continuing, eyes lowered to his bare chest. "But, I would never forgive myself if my mistake caused something terrible happen to you."

Warmth burgeoned in his chest, banishing most of the cold that had been present of late. He splayed a hand across her cheek and she returned her gaze to his. "It's good to know you still care," he said in a deep rumble, that cocky grin creasing his face.

Leia almost smiled, it was there in her eyes, but she stopped just as it began to curve the corners of her lips. Without a word, she turned and began to put away the medical items in their respective places.

Han watched her closely. Things were not quite back to where they should be. But, at least they had taken a step back in the direction of normalcy.


	22. Chapter 22: The Right Path

Sorry for the late update. This school year is slamming me hard (as a teacher, not a student). I was going to update last night but then my daughter accidentally hit update windows, which took forever so I just went to bed lol.

Thank you, guest reviewer for your concern :)

###

With dreadful reluctance, Leia climbed the Falcon's boarding ramp. With Luke at her side, she had proposed a plan to High Command for the raid on the Death Star. After endless arguments and counterproposals, Leia had swayed them to her side. Or, more aptly, she had beaten them down until they finally gave in.

It would be much harder to convince Han.

She found him in the galley, removing a plate from the heating unit. His eyes lit up at the sight of her. "Hey. You hungry?"

She shook her head. "No, thank you."

One eyebrow rose at her. "Have you eaten today?"

"No," she replied reluctantly. "But, I will later."

His lips pressed together, as if he wanted to say something, but was holding back.

Leia waited him out and, finally, he let it go and went to sit at the counter. There was still a thread of tension between them, a drifting tendril of unease that came and went, yet never truly disappeared.

With an incline of his head, he gestured for her to sit on the stool beside him. Willingly, she climbed on top of the stool next to his and turned towards him.

"I met with High Command today," she said as he took a bite of his sandwich

"How'd it go?" he asked around a mouthful of food.

"About as expected."

"So, you told them what you were going to do, they told you no, you said you were going anyway, and eventually they caved."

"That about sums it up."

"So, when do we leave?"

"Day after tomorrow. Early in the morning."

He nodded and took another bite.

Leia reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "There's one change to the plan."

Abruptly, he stopped chewing and looked at her pointedly, sparing a glance at the hand on his arm. He chewed quickly and swallowed, looking apprehensive. "Should I be afraid to ask?" There was a whisper of dread in his tone.

"Probably," she replied wryly.

He put down his sandwich, wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and turned to face her. "All right, tell me. Let's get this over with." He sighed with a roll of his eyes.

Now that the moment was here, she hesitated. She shifted her hand to hold his on the counter, lacing their fingers together. "Luke and I are going to confront the Emperor and keep him busy while the bombs are placed."

Han's mouth gaped open and he was silent for a long drawn-out moment. He blinked several times before responding in a tone that was higher pitched than his normal speaking voice. "That's suicide!" His hand yanked away from hers.

Ripples of the alarm that flew through him hit her through the Force like blows to the stomach. "It's our best chance for success at destroying the Death Star."

"I wasn't too keen on you going on this mission at all! Now this?"

Normally, his attitude would rankle her. But, today she understood his concern and planned to simply wait out the stages of this process. Shock, anger, denial…she expected more before he arrived at grudging acceptance. This was hardly the first time they had been through this.

In the early days of their relationship, she would feel guilty and anxious at these times. Now, they had been through it so often that Leia was able to remain fairly composed.

Han stood, paced two meters away to the galley doorway, and turned back to her. "You're not doing this." He balled his hands at his hips. "It's crazy! You can't go up against the Emperor!"

"Together, Luke and I have a good chance of defeating him."

"You're delusional," he huffed.

Leia drew on the Force to maintain her calm demeanor. "Han, with the Emperor's power, he'll probably sense that something isn't right while the team is doing its job. But, if we distract him, there's a chance they can go undetected." Her eyes pleased with him to understand. "I have to do this. It's our only chance."

Their gazes held and Han's eyes began to soften while his lips pressed stubbornly together. With a gruff sigh, he ran a hand across his face then stood with his eyes closed. He let out a long, hard sigh before opening his eyes again.

She saw the acceptance there and was surprised it had settled so quickly.

He took a few steps closer, eyes serious and intent on hers. "I'm not leaving the Death Star without you. No matter what happens."

She shuddered internally, a prophetic feeling of doom overwhelming her. Her lips parted to ask a question then closed again. She was afraid of the answer. "It will be all right," she said without meaning it.

The despondency in his eyes told her that he didn't believe her either.

###

The Millennium Falcon was ready for take-off in the morning, but what Han really wanted to do was grab Leia and head for somewhere in the Outer Rim. Anywhere where he could keep her safe. They could live out a long, quiet, little life together.

This Death Star raid was turning out to be far more than he had bargained for. All he could do at this point is let Leia do what she needed to and wait it out.

But, his fate would be no different from hers. If she didn't make it back to the transport, he would send Chewie and the squad away. When he had told Leia he wasn't leaving without her, he had meant it. If she didn't make it back in time, he would stay on board the Death Star. And he would either rescue her or die trying.

Sitting at the Falcon's engineering station, Han swiveled his chair from side to side, pensive. How many times would he have to watch helplessly as Leia walked headfirst into danger?

 _This might just be the last time,_ he thought darkly.

###

It seemed so strange. Things were still somewhat strained between herself and Han, meanwhile, in the morning they would embark on this mission that was probably more dangerous than any they had endured before.

Clad in her sleepgown, she rubbed cream through her hands and fingers, watching Han as he sat at his desk. He was skimming something on the screen of his datapad. One hand manipulated the information on the screen while the other rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

They shared some moments of accord, when Leia completely forgot all the bad that had transpired between them. Eventually, it would return to haunt her, a whisper of the initial pain.

She wanted to banish it altogether.

With a quiet sigh, she went to sit on the side of the bunk. After a moment, she found herself watching Han again. Her eyes traced the familiar lines of his profile; his nose, which looked so perfectly straight from the side; the curves that drew the edges of his lips, slightly parted in thought; the sweep of his chin, the scar almost imperceptible from where she sat.

It felt as if she had known the contours of his face her entire life. They were that well-travelled, that well-loved.

His expression was pensive and he seemed utterly unaware of her scrutiny. Leia had always liked to watch him when he was unguarded, when all of his posturing was shrugged aside. Even before she had been willing to admit how much she enjoyed watching him, she had suspected that the Han she saw in those moments was who he was deep down, where he never purposely allowed others to see. Yet, in those days, he would quickly shatter the speculative moment with some barb or lewd comment.

She had truly seen him for the first time on Dagobah. No walls, no pretense. He had been thoroughly and perfectly _him._

The glow of the datapad screen shone against his eyes, highlighting deep green. An intense feeling settled over her, very slowly, a tingling brush across her skin, radiating a deep warmth through her.

With a swift suddenness that took her completely by surprise, she missed him, even as he was right there before her. She missed their intimacy, his comfort, care, and touch. A cavernous void hollowed her through the middle. She felt desolate.

"Han," she called quietly, voice catching.

"Hm?" His eyes remained steadfast on the datapad.

"Come here," she whispered in a husky tone.

His head came up rapidly and spun to her. Eyebrows lifted in an unspoken question, his eyes held tentative, guarded hope. Slowly, he placed the datapad on the table and turned his body towards her. They gazed at each other for a long moment that seemed as if it would never end.

Reluctantly, he stood and approached the bunk as if Leia were some skittish animal he was afraid of frightening off. He sat down beside her, their eyes never leaving each other.

Leia found his forlorn expression quite reminiscent of their time on Dagobah. With a downward glance, she took his hand from where it rested on his bare leg, just below the hem of his shorts. She brought it to her lips for a lingering kiss against the back of his hand.

"Leia," he whispered with so much pain and longing.

When she looked up, his face was contorted in anguish, eyes tightly closed. Placing one hand against the soft skin of his chest, she waited until he met her gaze before she arced her mouth upwards to be kissed.

His mouth was on hers with excruciating slowness, lips airy against hers, as if too much pressure might cause her to disappear. She followed his movements, allowing him to lead her into a haze of emotion where they resided for an endless time.

Her hand breezed through his hair, drawing more passion from him. He deepened the kiss and, to Leia, it felt like coming home from the longest, most disheartening absence.

His tongue, feathery soft against her lips, brought more emotions crashing down on her than it seemed she could bear. When she opened her mouth to invite the heat of his, he was instantly bending her back onto the mattress and covering her body with his. His weight pressing her into the mattress had never been so welcome.

He pulled back abruptly and paused to look at her, one hand straying to stroke loose strands of hair from her forehead.

"I love you," he whispered with vicious vehemence. It was in his eyes, his touch, his entire being. She could feel it emanating from him. "I never wanna lose you."

Leia gazed at the anguish in his eyes and understood. Suddenly, she had no regrets, held onto no anger or hurt. All bad feelings between them dispersed and disappeared. This was there they were. They had been through so much in the past few years, but everything that fate hurled at them only strengthened them, both separately and together.

"I love you, too," she said softly, nodding slowly for emphasis.

He smiled and it lit his eyes, seemed to light him up from the inside. She sensed his relief and it was overwhelming.

And there it was, stronger than ever before. The connection between them bolstered and intensified and Leia could feel the surge of love and dedication flowing between them, surrounding them.

Returning his smile, she pulled him down to kiss her again. Mouths and limbs intertwined, fingers softly caressing sorely missed skin, they savored each other in a way they hadn't in quite some time.

Their movements slow and sensuous, they couldn't stop touching each other, hands skimming backs, legs, shoulders in vibrant bursts of pleasure.

Unable to wait any longer, she dug her nails into his back, moaning with sheer need. He made a low, desperate sound deep in his throat and Leia pushed him onto his back.

Their gazes locked and held as she climbed astride him, sliding down to sheathe him deeply inside her. In the same moment, their eyes fell shut and they were lost to the sensations and sounds of the most intense thrill as their bodies moved in complete unison and accord.

Han's hips thrust up, Leia felt him drive more deeply inside her, and she shuddered at the intensity. Leaning back, her hips lunged forward, burying him more thoroughly within her. She was rewarded with a sharp, lingering cry that exploded from Han. It brought a smile to her lips that quickly faded as she became lost in the sensation of him filling her so blissfully. She was barely aware of his hands slipping up her thighs until they cupped her buttocks and took control of their cadence.

They became frenzied and desperate, cresting on an upsurge of euphoria. With a deep, throaty scream of release, Leia's body went taut and still before her legs began to shudder and she was climaxing with blinding intensity. Nothing existed beyond Han clasped so intimately inside her, bringing her body over the sweetest edge to ecstasy.

As she surrendered utterly to the spasms that took her, Han sat up in one swift move and clasped her by the shoulders, bucking his hips wildly, hot breath hissing at her ear.

As her quivering began to subside, Han burst inside her with a loud, tortured sound that was like both rapture and anguish in one. He streamed inside her, pushing more deeply, and it drove Leia over the edge once more, the lingering throb that pulsed within her bringing her endless pleasure and depletion.

He collapsed backwards, gripping her tightly and pulling her with him. Breath rushing, they remained in that position for some time, regaining their senses. Cheek against his chest, the first thing Leia became aware of was how fast Han's heart was pounding. She quickly realized her own was hammering just as hard.

His hands rested lazily against her back and when their breathing finally began to slow, he pulled the dark tumble of her hair out of her eyes and weakly tugged at her arm to raise up closer to his face.

"You expect me to move after that?" she whispered, still panting slightly.

A breathy chuckle flew from his lips and he rolled her off him and lay on his side so that they faced each other.

"Hey!" she chided, voice still low and soft.

"There," he said in a low rumble. "You didn't have to move. I moved you."

A wave of affection rolled through her and she reached up a finger to trace the strong line of his jaw. "Yes," she said seriously, caressing him with her eyes. "You did move me."

Her double meaning hit him slowly, the teasing light in his eyes dimming to something more meaningful. Their gazes held over a heavy silence before his lips captured hers once again in a long, steamy embrace.

Leia settled her head against his bicep, smiling up at him in adoration. The past was buried; all that mattered was right now.

Han's head rested against the pillow and there was a slow change to his expression. A hint of worry entered his eyes.

She watched him a moment before speaking. "What are you thinking about?" Early on in their relationship, when she asked such a question, Han would immediately tense up, often closing off or becoming defensive. He finally admitted that no one had ever asked him that before.

They had come so far together since then.

"Tomorrow," he replied flatly.

She scooted closer, squeezed one leg between both of his, and placed an arm around his torso. He pulled her nearer until they were completely wrapped around each other. Leia wished suddenly that they would never have to let go.

She knew he was deeply worried about what was going to happen to her on the Death Star. If only she could reassure him…but she could tell him no lies. There was no way to insure her safety…it was quite possible that she would die on this mission.

With a light kiss against his chin, she said the only thing she could. "I'm going to do my best to come back to you."

Han remained silent, his gaze somewhere over her shoulder.

"This isn't much different from Coruscant."

His lips compressed slightly and his eyes returned to her.

She smiled reassurance. "Only this time, I have Luke with me instead of against me."

He nodded without a change of expression.

A sudden light-hearted notion popped into her head and she smiled up at him. "Afterwards, let's take some time for ourselves."

Impassive shifted to a slight frown. "Whadda you mean?"

"I mean," she said lightly, eyes bright, "After this mission, let's take a vacation. Just you and me."

"A vacation?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes. You don't want to?"

"Well, yeah. I just didn't think you knew what a vacation was."

Leia's head lowered and she berated him through her lashes, a smile threatening.

Han continued before she could say a word. "You know vacations don't involve lightsaber battles, right? They don't involve meetings either. You sure you're up to that?"

Pleased with the bounce to his mood, Leia played along. "Yes, I know that," she replied with mock annoyance. "They involve relaxing. And sleeping late, good dinners…"

He nuzzled her neck. "And lots of time in bed," he rumbled, voice like distant thunder.

It sent a chill shooting through her. "Mmm…" His mouth sucked at the sensitive skin of her neck before he pulled back his head to look at her. She took a deep breath through her nose and settled her head against his shoulder. "Well, I hope we'll get out of bed for at least a little while to see the sights. After all, we've been stuck in some pretty terrible places in the past few years."

"You can't possibly mean Hoth. That was a winter wonderland."

Leia laughed out loud and it took a moment to regain her composure. "Okay, Hotshot. Let's go back there for our vacation."

He sucked at his teeth in a quick sound of disappointment. "Aw, damn. I lost my parka."

Leia giggled, buoyed by the teasing conversation. "Isn't that a shame?" She tossed him a brilliant smile. "What about your rain boots and poncho?"

He squinted. "Dagobah? Seriously?"

"Why not?" she teased. "It's where I fell in love with you."

His beaming grin slid to a more serious, wistful expression. "I think I fell in love with you in the garbage compactor."

She laughed heartily again. "Let me guess. It was the smell that did it."

His grin returned for a moment. "Nah. It was your determination. And maybe your smart mouth had something to do with it." His arms squeezed her more tightly to him.

"That can't possibly be when you fell in love with me."

"Okay," he relented. "Maybe not."

"So, when?"

He raised his head, bent his arm, and rested his head in his hand. "Hmm…I think I fell in love with you after the Battle of Yavin. When you hugged me. _But_ ," he interjected, "I never woulda admitted it. Even to myself."

"Well, that's no surprise. Why then?"

He regarded her seriously a moment, deep in thought. "Your smile. The way you smiled at me…I don't think anyone's ever smiled at me like that before. Like…" he glanced away self-consciously for a moment, as if he didn't want to finish his sentence. "Like I'd just made all their dreams come true." He shrugged diffidently. "And I wanted you to smile like that at me again." He chuckled lightly. "Took a long time for that to happen."

Leia found his words lovely and she smiled up at him sweetly. It didn't happen often, but every once in a while, Han would start speaking openly about his feelings, and she treasured those precious instances.

His smile widened. "Then I saw you at the end of the aisle at the Medal Ceremony." His voice grew throaty. "You were so damned beautiful. That was pretty much it for me. I decided right then to stay on with the Rebellion for a little while."

Her eyes grew smaller and there was a bite to her tone. "And then you tormented me for the next three years."

"Did I?" he asked innocently. "Hm, I don't remember it that way."

Leia shook her head and rolled her eyes and Han only grinned with more fervor.

"So, where're we goin' on this vacation?" He gave her a quick kiss to the lips.

"How about Spira?"

"Spira…never been there. Supposed to be beautiful though."

"I went with my parents once…" She smiled inwardly at the memory, refusing to allow it to make her sad. "The islands are endless, the beaches are magnificent."

"What else is there besides beaches?"

"It's all beaches. There are a lot of water sports. It could be _very romantic,_ " she crooned, wrapping one arm around his neck.

"What about something more exciting?"

"Like what?"

"Bespin."

"What's on Bespin?"

"Cloud City. It's a city in the clouds. The view is…breathtaking."

"What is there to do…besides look out the viewports?" She smirked.

"Tons of stuff. Lots of entertainment. Shows, really nice restaurants, casinos—"

"Oh, I see. You want to do some gambling." She flashed a knowing look.

His responding expression was mock-innocent. "Me?" His arm left her side to point to himself in an exaggerated gesture.

Lips pursed together, she held back a smile as she nodded.

"I'm just thinkin' you'd enjoy being up among the clouds. Like the angel you are," he finished smoothly.

"Oh, that was good, Solo."

He winked with a grin.

Sudden inspiration struck. "Oh! I know where I want to go."

"Where?"

"Corellia."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Corellia? Why?"

Her eyes softened. "Because it's your home planet." Her thumb stroked the skin of his shoulder. "I would love to see where you came from."

She realized she must have struck a nerve when the light in his eyes dulled. "Nah. Corellia's not that exciting."

"That's not what I hear," she encouraged. "Wouldn't you like to show me where you grew up? I would love to show you my home planet if I were able."

"Yeah, well, you're probably filled with warm, fuzzy memories of your home," he replied gruffly, looking away.

Leia felt all of a sudden foolish. She knew Han had endured a rough, lonely childhood. Yet, she had somehow assumed he would want to share his birth place with her. There was still so much of his past that was a mystery. She accepted that, yet still yearned for more.

"I'm sorry, Han," she whispered contritely. "I didn't think of it that way." She pulled him closer and he dropped the hand that was raised so that she could embrace him more fully.

"No big deal," he murmured beside her ear. "I just don't ever wanna go back there."

"I understand," she whispered. After a moment, she spoke enthusiastically. "Spira, it is then."

He gave a low titter and smoothed his cheek along hers. "Okay, Sweetheart. If that's what you want."

They fell into a comfortable silence, both willing to exist in this fantasy that there was a definite future in which they could plan a vacation. It was a lovely thought.


	23. Chapter 23: Looking Back into the Past

Nearing the end now. Han and Leia have resolved things, now they just have to pull off the most dangerous mission of their lives...

###

 _I'd rather stand tall (tall)_

 _Than live on my knees (can't live on my knees)_  
 _'Cause I am a conqueror_  
 _And I won't accept defeat!_  
 _Try telling me no (no)_  
 _One thing about me (one thing about me)_  
 _Is I am a conqueror,_  
 _I am a conqueror!_  
 _Ooh oh (Ooh oh)_  
 _I am a conqueror!_

-Conqueror, by Estelle and Jesse Smollet

Hidden inside one of four escape pods of the Imperial freighter, Han knew they would most likely go undetected. But, it was impossible to breathe easily. The ship was overflowing with Imperials.

Finally, they had met a member of Crimson Wave. The Imperial Officer, known as Commander Weston, was a spy for the Rebellion. Having surreptitiously brought the Rebels aboard, he was at great risk for exposure. But, he had decided it was time for action.

The other members of their squadron had dispersed between the other three escape pods. Han had supplied Weston with a commlink, set to the Rebel's frequency. This was only to be used as an absolute last resort.

Han and Leia sat together in the front pair of chairs, while Luke and Chewie sat behind them. Artoo was powered off in the corner. The lights were on the lowest setting.

Waiting to reach the Death Star and take action had ground time to a halt. Han bent his head to rest against Leia's and took her hand lightly in his. He was feeling highly emotional, but had to refrain from saying all that he wanted to say. They had no privacy. He wished he had said more to her the night before.

Leia stroked the palm of his hand with her fingers and placed her lips close to his ear. "I love you," she breathed. Her voice was barely audible but with Chewie's super-sensitive hearing, he would most definitely have heard.

Han brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss against her fingers. They shared a poignant smile and Leia nuzzled closer to him.

Han sighed deeply through his nose. He was prepared for this mission, no matter what happened. But, he was not prepared to live without Leia. That was not going to happen.

###

"This seems a little too damned familiar," Han grumbled. He looked down at the uniform of an Imperial Commander that had been provided by Weston.

Standing next to him, hands loosely placed in binders, Chewbacca grunted uneasy agreement. Artoo rolled quietly beside them as they strode through the corridor. Han tried to appear confident, while inside, his heart was constricted. He forced his worry for Leia aside to concentrate on the mission ahead of him.

Leia and Luke had bid them good bye outside the escape pod. Their last kiss had been filled with passion and desperation. Han could still feel her warmth on his lips. The thought brought up feelings of grief that he buried with deliberate force.

Hefting the heavy pack of explosives on his shoulder, he led his small team forward.

When this was over, they were to all meet Weston at a designated transport that was heavily armed. Their departure would not go unnoticed and they were prepared for a fight.

Of course, Han might not be a part of that fight.

###

Using the Force as a distractor, Leia and Luke passed stealthily through the Death Star to the Emperor's Throne Room. They made haste of the red-robed guards that stood outside the doors then shared a prolonged moment of understanding.

They were ready for this, whatever the outcome. What mattered most, of far more importance than their own lives, was the ultimate destruction of the Death Star.

Leia had walked away from Han in the corridor and vowed not to think of him again. She refused to be distracted.

Now, at their final destination, she drew strength from her connection to her brother, their combined power in the Force.

Utterly calm, one hand rose and effortlessly slid the doors wide. The chamber before them was simply black, looking more like a huge engine room than a throne room. Having been there before during his brush with the dark side, Luke was already familiar with this place.

They stepped through the threshold together and began the long, dark trek forward. It was the strangest, most surreal setting.

In the distance, Leia could see an ascending stairway and, beyond that, a viewport. She could not see the Emperor…yet, she sensed the dark presence, vile and malignant, diffusing a black, venomous mire into the bright shimmer that was the Force, tainting it so that it was almost unrecognizable as the pure energy that Leia knew.

The Evil One did not acknowledge them, but she knew he was aware of their presence. Halfway up the stairs, the glittering stars came into view then, haltingly, the top of a tall, black throne appeared, rising into their sightline like an eclipsed sun on the horizon.

Sister and brother stopped at the top, waiting.

"I have been expecting you, young Skywalkers." The voice was slow and deceivingly decrepit.

Having never been addressed as such, Leia felt her inner self bristle at that name. She quickly compartmentalized it as the connection to her brother and no one else; and she was pure and steady once more.

The throne swiveled suddenly, and there he was, the face of many of Leia's past nightmares…

The tall, black chair seemed to shroud and engulf his deceptively decrepit body. The pale, cockled features sat inside the hood of his black robes, sinister, yellow eyes blazing. A smile broadened his features, but the evil that emanated from him made it impossible to mistake it as kindly.

"Luke," he said in a whisper that was deceivingly benevolent. "I knew you would return to take your father's place at my side."

Leia was hyperaware of the ripple amidst Luke's calm at the mention of Vader.

"I will never return to the Dark Side," Luke said smoothly.

"Ohh, but you will," the Emperor crooned. "It was your destiny to murder your father, as it was your destiny to return here to me now."

Another chink in Luke's armor at the word 'murder.' She knew Palpatine had felt it too.

"You can't win, Palpatine," Leia said in a stern, steady tone. "We are stronger together than alone."

His invidious gaze turned to her. "Princess," he said, as if she had just arrived and he was pleased to see her. "Thank you for accompanying your brother. Two apprentices are better than one."

She regarded him with a smug smirk. "We did not come here to join you."

He leaned forward and all cordiality disappeared from his voice. "Yes. You came to kill me. But, join me you will, nevertheless." His lips pulled back into a foul grin and his sick laughter echoed throughout the chamber, seeming to spin and bounce inside Leia's mind.

He stood quickly, all pretense of being old and weak cast aside. Wandering to the viewport, he turned his back on them, but his voice was crisp and clear.

"I'm afraid the outcome of this encounter will not meet your expectations."

"Neither will it meet yours," Leia countered smoothly.

He spun quickly back to them. "Oh, but it will. One of you is going to die tonight. And the other…the other will step forth and join the power of the Dark Side."

"You are mistaken." Luke's voice rang out, loud, clear, and confident and it reinforced Leia's fortitude.

"I am afraid you are the one who is mistaken," the Emperor replied. "The only question is…which of you shall die? And which of you shall join me?" He approached Luke slowly, like a predatory animal stalking its prey. "Will it be you, Luke? Will you follow in the illustrious footsteps of your father, as you were meant to?" He paused. "After all, it was you who betrayed him." He turned swiftly to Leia, distracting her from Luke's reaction. "Or, will it be you, Princess?" His withered lips turned to a frown. "Oh, but it isn't Princess anymore, is it? Former-Princess? Daughter of Darth Vader?"

Leia had prepared for this, the taunting. She was more than familiar with his tactics. She smiled placidly. "Is that meant to bait me?" she asked in a clipped tone. "I'm a bit disappointed." There was a challenge in her voice. "You'll have to try harder than that."

His smile spread to a sadistic grin. "Oh, don't worry, _Your Highness_." He spat her title as if it were profane. "I shall save the best for last."

He began to cackle, low to himself, and returned to his seat in front of the viewport. His eyes rested on Luke.

"Tell me, Luke. What did your father tell you about your mother?"

Leia felt the flicker of pain and curiosity spark in Luke and she bit back the responding tremor of fear it instilled in her. _Don't take the bait,_ she thought loudly.

When Luke did not answer, the Emperor continued in a slow cadence laced with false sorrow. "Oh, it was a dark day when she died. Did he tell you how it happened?"

Leia intervened. "How she died is irrelevant." She ignored the quiet questions that popped into her own mind. A mental picture formed, one that could never be certain was an actual memory, or if it were misremembrance born of the few stories her parents had told her as a child.

Palpatine's head tilted as he gazed at Luke, an odd wistfulness glinting in his sickly, yellow eyes. "Does your sister speak for you, Skywalker? I sense in you the desire for answers, answers that your father never gave you."

Leia glanced at Luke, saw the conflict in his eyes, and was certain that the Emperor saw it too.

"Don't believe his lies," she instructed, voice strong and confident. "Nothing he says can be trusted."

"Luke." He had lowered his voice to a seductive whisper. "Only I have the answers you seek."

"You don't need answers," Leia cut in quickly. "You and I are the only family that matters."

A sadistic grin travelled across the decrepit face sitting before them. "Would you like to see what your mother looked like?"

Pushing aside her own twinkle of curiosity, Leia turned to face Luke and placed a hand on his arm. "You don't need this."

Luke's eyes were on the dark floor, and his conflict was evident. Had she not been able to sense how torn he was, it would still have been plain on his face.

"Luke," she beseeched.

He closed his eyes for an anguished moment then opened them with a harsh sigh. "You had a mother," he whispered in return. "I didn't." His head rose to counter Palpatine's gaze. "Show me," he pleaded quietly.

Leia's heart sunk. She was losing her brother, this was the beginning of his return to the dark side. The Emperor was too cunning and seductive. She had to find a way to stop this.

With a wicked grin of satisfaction, Palpatine pressed a button on the arm of his throne. A bright light bloomed in the floor beneath their feet and the siblings quickly stepped back, mildly startled.

Above the light, at their eye level, a form quickly coalesced. Tinged blue, a holo of a woman appeared.

She was young and strikingly beautiful. Leia didn't want to look but felt trapped, unable to wrench her eyes away. The woman's dark hair was wound atop her head and surrounded by stacked rings of gold. It fanned out to a plate at the end, gold threaded around it. A small, slender woman, she was clad in indigo robes and stood in a regal stance, her expression serene.

 _My Mother._ She was transfixed against her will. Leia had her coloring, dark hair and eyes. The woman's face was longer than Leia's more like Luke's…

"Mother," Luke breathed in barely a whisper.

It broke the spell and brought Leia back to the present. Jerking her eyes from the image, she spun back to Luke. "We can't trust him. That's probably not even our mother." Somehow, she instinctively knew this was untrue.

"And your father," Palaptine hissed. "Have you ever wondered what was under that mask?" With one fast move of a finger, the holo disappeared. A new image flickered to life before them.

Leia expected to be horrified, to find some loathsome figure displayed before her. Instead, the tall, young man held a ghost of a smile, eyes bright and too much like Luke's. His hair was the same color as her brother's, only longer, tendrils drifting down his neck. Long limbs, broad shoulders, he wore what looked to Leia like the robes of a Jedi.

He was not yet the monster that he would become. If she had met him, she would have assumed him to be a pleasant, young man, about the same age as she currently was.

It threw her off balance and she was unable to reconcile this image with what she knew of Darth Vader. Conflict buzzed inside her, but she had no time for this. She needed to stay strong and focused for Luke. And for the mission.

"You are more like your father than you realize," Palpatine said in a low, beguiling tone.

"You are nothing like him," Leia told Luke emphatically.

He was staring at the image, eyes wide, lips shaped to a circle of wonder.

"It was your destiny to kill your father," the Emperor crowed in a hushed tone. "Now, you will take his place at my side."

Leia swallowed against the swell of confusion emanating from Luke. This was not going as she expected. They needed a united front and Luke was dangerously straddling the threshold between the dark and the light. She had underestimated Palpatine's powers of persuasion.

"Luke." She kept her tone imploringly low. "It was your destiny to kill Vader. But, not to take his place. To rid the galaxy of his evil. To make the Jedi rise again."

Palpatine chortled from his seat. "The _Jedi._ " His voice dripped sarcasm. "They were doomed in the days of the Old Republic, as they are doomed now."

"Luke, look at me!" she demanded.

Slowly, Luke pulled his gaze from the holo dangling before him and met Leia's eyes.

She aimed a finger at the image. "This man means nothing to you. He's responsible for your birth but not your life."

The Emperor was suddenly on his feet, circling them slowly. "You are mistaken if you believe that." Disdain spewed from his lips. He returned his attention to Luke. "Everything you are is because of Lord Vader. If not for him, you would not be standing here today." His voice lowered. "And if not for you, he would be here right now. You owe it to him. You must join me and honor his memory."

Leia grabbed Luke's hand as his eyes shut tightly, as if he were trying to block everything out. She didn't understand how her brother's feelings about Vader could be so contrary to her own. Why did he have any allegiance to him at all? She couldn't imagine ever feeling any connection beyond resentment and disgust.

"Luke, you have a good, pure heart. You belong in the light, not in darkness. It's natural to seek out light, even the simplest life forms do it. They grow away from the dark and strive for sunlight. You need to look to the light. I'm standing in it, right here, urging you towards it."

"The Dark Side it where the power lies," Palpatine boasted. "Lord Vader knew it. And when he found out his son had lived, he wanted to share it with him. It was his fondest wish." His last sentence held sorrow and regret.

Luke's eyes turned back to the holo, flicked to Leia, then back to the image again.

"He's playing with you, Luke. He's saying what he thinks you need to hear in order to sway you. Don't follow him," Leia begged. She moved closer and put her lips near his ear. "We are stronger together than apart," she whispered.

His eyes lowered to the floor and the Emperor stopped directly in front of them.

"Together." The word burst from his twisted lips with revulsion. "Together you are no match for the dark side."

Breathing rapidly, Luke looked at Leia. She tried to send strength to him through the Force, with no idea if it helped. All of a sudden, he stood up straight and a familiar light returned to his eyes. His shoulders rose and his gaze settled on Palpatine with a deep sigh and a small smile. He took his sister's hand in his.

"Together we are strongest," Luke declared. "You won't bring me back to the Dark Side. I stand in the light with my sister."

Relief and pride beamed through Leia. She gripped her brother's hand, ready for anything.

Disappointment crossed the Emperor's repugnant visage. He turned and slowly made his way to the left of his throne. When he spun back to them, his anger was clear.

"If you will not join me…you will be destroyed!" Blue lightning suddenly spewed from his fingertips and, in an instant, Leia and Luke held their lightsabers aloft.


	24. Chapter 24: Contingency

One more post after this! Thank you all so much for reading/following/reviewing!

###

 _We all make mistakes,_  
 _You might fall on your face,_  
 _But you gotta get up!_  
 _We all make mistakes,_  
 _You might fall on your face,_  
 _Don't ever give up!_

 _-_ Conqueror by Estelle and Jesse Smollet

The explosives were all in place. Han handed the detonator to Chewbacca, who stood behind him with Artoo.

With serious eyes, he craned his neck to look into his best friend's blue eyes. "Meet Weston on level twenty-seven, in the East corridor. I've got something to take care of."

Chewie gave a low roar of vehement protest.

"I have to help Leia," Han answered in a stern tone that left no room for argument. "You have the detonators. You can't go with me. It's up to you to complete the mission."

The Wookiee's reply was a growl that ended in a whine.

"I know," Han said earnestly. "But, I can't leave Leia behind. You know that."

His responding grumble was long and dismal.

"I know, Pal. I'll make it. And I'll bring Leia and Luke with me. Now, go on." Han found himself suddenly smothered in a gruff Wookiee hug. Chagrined, he placed his arms around his friend and patted him firmly on the back. When Chewie released him, he gazed up into the saddest eyes he had ever seen. "Wait fifty time-parts. Then take off. When you're clear, set the detonator." He paused meaningfully. "Don't wait for us. I'll get us off this thing." He reached up and clapped Chewie on his furry shoulders then turned and fled down the corridor, hefting the bag over his shoulder.

A low whine of dismay followed in his wake and Han pretended he didn't hear it.

###

The onslaught of the blue blaze of lightning seemed to go on forever. One hand directed at each twin, Palpatine's mocking laughter filled the chamber. Leia wasn't sure how much longer Luke and she could stand against the violent barrage, lightsabers held with both hands, arms straining against the assault.

The beams of heinous light bore down on them and Leia mentally reached out to Luke, pooling their power. If they could just gain enough leverage to turn those twin rays back on him…

But, the strength of the power being hurled at them was so forceful, it seemed they could do nothing but deflect it.

From the corner of her eye, Leia could see that the image of the young Vader still flickered above the floor. She fervently hoped it would not be a distraction to Luke.

Then suddenly, the bolts ceased their assault and the room was silent, save for the panting breath of Luke and herself. Arms weak from defense, Leia relaxed her muscles slightly, but remained vigilant.

"Young fools," Palpatine intoned. "Did you truly believe that your pitiful confrontation could distract me from the efforts of your Rebel Friends?"

Leia's breath froze. When she remembered to take air in her lungs she thought of Han.

 _No. I can't let my concern for him take over._

She banished him from her mind and gathered her resolve. It wasn't over yet.

"With the Force I will deactivate the bombs before they can do any harm," he boasted. "And just when your friends think they are triumphant, they will be captured. Your plan to destroy this station is futile," he taunted.

Leia couldn't give up hope. She reached out to Luke, felt the helplessness that swirled inside him. Instilling all the confidence she could muster into her voice, she spoke steadily. "You won't defeat the Rebellion."

"I already have," he declared smugly. Then he laughed and it echoed cruelly around them.

###

Glowrod in hand, Han crawled through the ducts that would lead to the Emperor's Throne Room. He knew he was no match for Palpatine, had known before they had left Dagobah and headed for Coruscant.

But, maybe, just maybe he could do something to even the odds.

It was impossible for him to stand by and do nothing. Just as it was impossible for him to leave without Leia. She was everything to him.

He had been inside the ducts for quite some time and his knees were beginning to hurt as he trudged along the narrow, metal floor. But, he had been through far worse and would endure anything for Leia. He would walk through fire without hesitation if he had to.

He hoped that Chewbacca had followed his orders. The last thing he wanted was for the big lug to get caught up in this. Or to risk the lives of the whole team. This was his mission, and his alone.

###

"The only way for you to survive is to fall under my tutelage," the Emperor purred in a vain effort to sway them.

Something prickled at the back of Leia's neck, bringing the tiny hairs to stand at attention. For a moment, it buzzed and flitted intently. When the source fell into place, recognition was immediate. A sudden promise of good fortune fell over her, igniting a small burst of pleasure.

Instantly, she pushed it aside, refusing to allow the feeling to become apparent. Placing all her focus on the present, she smirked at the evil being before her.

"We would rather die than fall to you." She stood a bit taller, ready for anything.

Palpatine smiled with false benevolence. "And you, Luke? _You_ know the power of the Dark Side. Once you start down that path, it will forever call to you, beckoning you to return. You will never be complete until you again wield that power." He closed his eyes and took in a long, deep breath through his nose, as if smelling something delightful. "Yesssss," he hissed. "You want that power again!"

Leia felt Luke's conflict, even as he gazed back evenly. "You're wrong. You won't bring me back to the darkness."

She smiled to herself, confidence soaring. "It seems you've failed," she declared triumphantly. "You are a master with no apprentice. First," she began slowly, "we destroyed your Mandalorian. Now, you will be forced to kill us. And who will you train now?" A slow grin broadened her features.

His coy expression melted to a slow frown. "So be it. It will be my pleasure to put an end to both your lives," he snarled.

His hands rose and the lightning blasted towards them again. The lightsabers were in their hands, diverting the path of the bolts to bounce them harmlessly away. The effort seemed more draining than before and sweat dripped from Leia's brow, trickling past her temples and down her neck. Gritting her teeth with the effort, she tried desperately to curve the lightning in his direction.

###

Han climbed from the vent, placing the grate aside and orienting himself. He wanted to be near the Throne Room when the explosion happened. He would remain close to Leia, whatever the outcome.

With a sigh, he removed his blaster from the holster, ready for any trouble he might encounter along the way.


	25. Chapter 25: Stronger Together

Here we are, at the end. Thank you all so much, I really appreciate you reading, following, and especially every review! :) After this I am going to take a brief hiatus from the world of fanfic, both writing and posting, but I will be back. I am just super overwhelmed in life right now and can't keep up the pace. But, I do have 2 stories that I will come back and post, including the sequel to Dawn to Dusk that I know some of you are looking forward to. You have all been awesome readers! :)

Now, the conclusion...

###

 _I'd rather stand tall (oooh)_  
 _Than live on my knees (can't live on my knees)_  
 _'Cause I am a conqueror (I am a conqueror)_  
 _And I won't accept defeat! (And I won't accept defeat)_  
 _Try telling me no (try telling me no)_  
 _One thing about me (one thing about me)_  
 _Is I am a conqueror (is I am a conqueror)_  
 _I am a conqueror!_  
 _Ooh oh (Ooh oh)_  
 _I am a conqueror!_

 _We all make mistakes,_  
 _You might fall on your face,_  
 _But I am a conqueror! (oh ooh)_

Conqueror, by Estelle and Jesse Smollet

Straining with the effort, Leia fixated every bit of attention on her battle against the Emperor's power. There was nothing but the lightning meeting her blade, the force with which she tried to redirect it.

She was vaguely aware that he was grinning maniacally but it remained in the peripheral of her attention. Luke struggled beside her, but that too was secondary.

The beam of lethal light, the pinpoint where it met her blade, nothing else truly existed for her. The Force radiated through her, the brightness of the light it exuded pouring outward and, suddenly, Leia felt her power soar.

A sudden, deafening explosion burst nearby and, in that infinitesimal moment, the Emperor's attention wavered. The moment was so brief, it could not have been timed. For Leia, it was all she needed.

Her lightsaber surged forward, bouncing the violent rays just enough to stray them from their path. With a throaty roar, Palpatine's body shot back, fingers still spraying light.

As Leia continued to reflect it back at him, she realized that Luke had been able to manage the same. With narrowed eyes, she watched him become engulfed by his own weapon. His body seemed to light up from the inside, bones and skull becoming brightly visible as he writhed and screamed.

It continued, seemingly endless, until smoke began to rise from his form and the stench of burnt flesh filled the air. His screams finally died and moments later, he was just a burnt spot on the floor.

Leia collapsed to the floor, utterly depleted, a sheen of sweat coating her body. She wanted to weep with joy and relief.

"We have to…" Luke didn't finish his sentence, but it was enough to haul Leia to her feet.

She brushed beads of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand and reached for her comlink.

"Han?"

A burst of static and then, the sweetest voice she had ever heard.

"Are you all right?" Urgent and desperate.

"Yes," she breathed. "We have to get out of here."

The doors flew open and he was rushing towards her in long strides. She met him halfway and fell into his arms.

His mouth seemed to be everywhere at once as he lavished her with kisses, on her cheeks, chin, lips, and his arms were tight around her. Tears of love and gratitude tightened Leia's throat. Before she could react, Han pushed her to arms' length.

"C'mon!" he gasped, grabbing her hand and tugging her along. Luke followed closely behind.

###

From across the large room, Leia watched Han shake hands with General Reiikan. The grin on his face brought a similar one to her lips as well.

The celebration had raged late into the night. There was so much to be grateful for. The death of the Emperor, the destruction of the Death Star, the end of the Empire.

She knew there would still be fallout, various Admirals and such who would continue to fight. But, after their victory today, the Alliance would surely prevail. And now, the New Republic could reclaim democracy for the galaxy.

Leia had never been so elated. It felt as if she were walking amidst the clouds, as if the stars had all aligned to perfection.

Her eyes found Luke bounding towards her, his smile infinitely pleased. When he reached her side, he leaned back against the low wall next to her. For a prolonged moment, they remained silent, side by side, eyes skimming across the Ceremony Hall aboard Home One.

His head inclined in her direction. "Thank you."

Leia tipped her curious gaze to his. "For what?"

"Keeping me in the light," he replied simply.

"That was your own doing," she dismissed.

"No," he replied softly. "I would have fallen without you. You kept me strong." His smile was filled with gratitude.

Leia smiled back, mentally shrugging off this acknowledgement. Her gaze found Han again, crossing the room in their direction. He was stopped by a hand on his shoulder, another Rebel offering recognition. She watched his eyes turn to the source, a mixture of strained patience and polite resignation in his eyes.

"I don't think we would be here at all if it weren't for Han," she told her brother quietly over the din of the celebrants.

"I think you're right." He paused meaningfully. "I guess Master Yoda was right."

Her quizzical eyes turned to find him also watching Han.

Her scrutiny drew his gaze to her and he smiled. "You and Han prove that attachment is important to the Jedi."

She grinned widely, a feeling of peace pervading her soul.

Han was before them then, placing an arm around her shoulders and hugging her close, his warmth surrounding her. She gazed up at him just as he patted Luke on the shoulder. His open, genuine smile was something she could never get enough of.

Before long, a loud, boisterous roar sounded above their heads and, suddenly, Chewie was there, strong arms around them all, squeezing a bit too tightly. Now, they all laughed.

 _My unexpected family,_ Leia thought as the group broke apart. She remained in Han's embrace.

They all exchanged a succinct look that spoke volumes before Chewie and Luke both wandered away, as if sensing that Han and Leia needed time to themselves.

She watched them go, thoughts lingering on the connection they all shared. Han's voice intruded on her thoughts.

"Let's get outta here," he murmured near her ear.

Craning her neck, she nodded, smiling warmly. Hand in hand, they fled the room, leaving the party behind.

The corridors were deserted and they wound their way aimlessly, in no hurry at all. Unspoken, they were content to just be together.

"Thank you," Leia said softly.

His eyebrows rose as he glanced sideways at her. "For what?"

"Saving me. Again."

A slight smile brushed his lips and he actually appeared modest. "I didn't do much."

When Leia looked up, she saw they had come to the observation deck that looked out upon the fixed, shimmering stars of subspace travel. Han guided her into the large room and they stood before the glassteel, gazing out at the endless serenity before them. He came behind her and circled his arms around her waist, resting his cheek beside her temple. She smiled, feeling at peace for the first time in what felt like forever.

"It feels like a miracle," she whispered breathlessly.

His lips, so warm and sweet, pressed against her temple. "It's not a miracle." His breath breezed across her skin. "It's you."

She rolled her eyes. "It's many, not just me."

He stood straighter and one arm crossed at her chest, hand resting on her shoulder. "You tipped the scales."

"Actually," she said with careful deliberateness. "You're the one who tipped the scales."

She felt him shrug. "Whatever. It was mostly you."

Leia turned in his arms, their gazes joining instantly. "So, we did it together. Isn't that how it's supposed to be?"

His hand came up to cup her chin. "Okay, Sweetheart." His head bent to kiss her sweetly, lingeringly. When it was over, his expression was pensive.

"What is it?" Leia asked, suddenly concerned.

His eyes fell and rose several times before settling on her again. He seemed to hesitate, then force the next words from his mouth.

"Leia." His voice was hesitant. "You remember when you asked me if I'm sure I want a Jedi girlfriend?"

Her feelings of accord shattered as unease coursed through her, sending a sinking feeling to her belly. Her mouth opened of its own volition but words caught and drifted to nothingness. She swallowed, aware that her eyes had grown larger. "Yes," she finally choked out.

He placed a solemn hand across her cheek and his eyes were too serious. "I've been thinking about it a lot and…I don't."

The tears that pricked her eyes were instantaneous and Han was quick to react, now taking her face in both hands.

"I want a Jedi _wife,_ " he said in a low, steady tone, gazing at her expectantly.

The words thrummed through her, so unexpected and shocking. The breath she had forgotten to take poured into her throat then released in a stream of relief. She saw then that the softness in his eyes was not regret, but vulnerability and fear. He was dangling in the wind, hopeful, yet uncertain of her response.

Dampness pooled on her lashes, inspired by a contrasting feeling now, an overwhelming joy that filled her heart to bursting. She tried to answer him but found her throat would not cooperate. He was watching her carefully, fearfully, and she smiled through her tears.

"Yes," she finally whispered, voice choking past the tightness in her throat. "Yes, yes, yes."

His smile was dazzling, brilliant, his eyes glowing as Leia had never seen them. He crushed his lips to hers, arms tight around her, and she could feel in his kiss how overjoyed he was. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, her spirit reached out through the Force and entwined with his.

She knew he loved her, had known it for quite some time. What she now felt from him overwhelmed her. She was enveloped, cloaked, and protected by his love.

When he withdrew and they looked at each other, it was there in his eyes, as clear as the oceans of Mon Cal. And if she hadn't been able to feel his love through the Force, she would still know exactly how he felt.

 _Attachments,_ she thought, grinning widely.

All her dreams had now come true.

END


End file.
